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Recovering myself and living with a partner in recovery

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Noreht, Apr 7, 2016.

  1. Noreht

    Noreht Active Contributor

    Good day all. As the title suggests me and my partner are both in recovery. We have been clean for more than 10 months now, but let me start where any story should the beginning.

    I have never smoked a cigarette and never will, I felt the same way about oka pipes as well. These are all seen as harmless(non-addictive), but this is where I began. At the age of 19 I was convinced by my then girlfriend that I should smoke oka with them and for about 3 months that was enough. Then you want more and you start adding vodka or wine to the filter instead of water and soon that is not enough either. After a few more months I started adding pot to my tobacco. I quickly moved on to smoking joints.

    Smoking joints was fun at first but I wanted still more without going to crazy, so a friend suggested smoking a bong. Smoking the bong obviously gave me a bigger rush but I started realising that pot made me sleepy. I wanted to be high and still go out with friends. This caused me to add mandrax to my bong as well.

    I did not have the desired effect. After lying catatonic on my couch for 4 hours I came to the realisation that I needed a change. I did not want to completely stop smoking weed, but I also did not want to escalate to anything more. I took the only option I had and told my parents about my druguse. They supported me fully and with them knowing about the problem and actively keeping my away from certain triggers I greatly reduced my smoking. I was smoking maybe one head a day on the oka by the end of that year. I was a big change for me after having smoked weed on a daily basis for almost a decade.

    The oka smoking continued for about a year until I met my current partner. Now she was a regular drug user with bi-polar disorder. I feared we would be the perfect storm and ruin each other completely, we almost did. We moved in together and she had a dealer friend that rented from us. If we needed drugs it was free and right on our doorstep. I came home one day to find the dealer in my living room, eating my food,drinking my beer and smoking pot while using my TV. My gf was passed out on our bed. After chasing away the dealer and taking her to the E.R. for a CAT (low grade cocaine) overdose, I decided we must get out of there and we moved back to my home town.

    We got there and stopped using everything, she was not even smoking cigarettes anymore. I cut ties with all the dealers I knew and life was great. Then we started again with the oka pipe, more out of boredom than anything else. Soon we started adding weed again. Luckily for us our lives changed before we could fall of the wagon completely again. My fiancee was pregnant, we immediately stopped smoking again and now 11 months later we are still clean and clear.

    I know I will always crave getting high, but every time I think of smoking I think of my baby girl and know that I can never go back to that life.
    Mara, bhu and MrsJones like this.
  2. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Congrats to you and girlfriend on your baby and on being clean for 11 moths. That is great! I know it isn't easy but you have each other to support and encourage to stay clean. You also have a little one who needs a mommy and daddy who are clean. The baby depends on you! Keep doing what you are doing. I wish you both all the best!! Thanks for sharing your story with us. We are glad to have you here with us.
    MrsJones and Noreht like this.
  3. Noreht

    Noreht Active Contributor

    Thank you L_B. Yes we are truly blessed to have our little angel in our lives. There are a few things I still need to share, but to add to our baby, my fiancee had cervical cancer two years ago and was only clean as of 18 months ago. The cancer caused a lot of the depression that led to the drugs so having the baby is just so much more of a miracle.
  4. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    Congratulations getting clean! It's not easy to make such drastic decisions to get away from everything. It's really great that you have family support. It's never easy to stay on the right track when you still have cravings, but you can do it, and there are lot of people here and in your community who will support you.
    Noreht likes this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Noreht... Welcome to the community and congrats on you and your partner getting clean. That's a wonderful thing. Sometimes our children can serve as motivation for us to be the best human beings we can be. Keep thinking of your daughter and how much better of a father you are for her now that you're clean and sober.

    Keep doing the next right thing. Thanks for sharing with us. :)
    bhu and MrsJones like this.
  6. remnant

    remnant Community Champion

    Quite a long and encouraging episode. It takes courage to stay clean for that long without a single relapse. I have come to realize that combating the smoking of tobacco is the key to reducing the consumption of other hard drugs. Tobacco seems to be the entry point. My struggle with addiction has developed alongside somewhat different lines since mine was emotional and social addiction. Keep up but you cannot afford to rest on your laurels.
  7. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @Noreht Hello and welcome to this forum! At a young age you and your girlfriend had experience already how to struggle with addiction. And it is a good thing that you both decided to get clean and for 11 months it is a great achievement already. Just keep and continue the determination and being positively motivated and I am sure you both will fully recover in due time. You will soon have a baby girl and it is a blessing from God into your life. Let your child be your inspiration and give her the care and love as her parent. Good luck on your journey in your new life!
    MrsJones likes this.
  8. Okaviator

    Okaviator Senior Contributor

    First of all, I just want to say good job on being able to stay clean for this long. As you and your partner are both battling rehab I know how hard this can be emotionally.
  9. Pamphleteer

    Pamphleteer Member

    I'm so happy to see that your life has been changing for the better! Welcome to the community! I think it's important for people to realize that drugs can be incredibly fun, but that is what makes them so dangerous. What starts off as a fun way to spend a night evolves into a lifestyle of addiction and dependence. Glad to see you got out of that lifestyle!
  10. Noreht

    Noreht Active Contributor

    I would like to thank you all for the words of encouragement. We have really been working hard on staying clean. Even though I have never had a problem with alcohol a social worker and addiction speaker told us that it can be seen as a trigger as well. The result is that I have only had 6 beers in the last 11 months. We are trying to stay away from anything that can be addictive as we have decided that just one addiction can lead us back to where we were and we really do not want to go back to where we were.
    MrsJones and oportosanto like this.
  11. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    No problem, that's why we are here for, to support each other, to share our stories and to be inspired by them. All the best, keep clean!
    MrsJones likes this.
  12. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    Such an inspirational story @Noreht, I am glad that you always knew you were on the dark path. The great thing about your life is you have a living witness to help you stay away from your past life.

    I am happy for you and your family and I hope you all stay happy and clean.
  13. Belovedad

    Belovedad Active Contributor

    Good job and I hope you continue. One thing though, you will eventually overcome the feeling of getting high since you have reason not to. Sooner or later, your feeling to get high will be replaced by the love for your child.
  14. Noreht

    Noreht Active Contributor

    Thank you @darkrebelchild Yes my fiancee and I frequently remind each other of what we used to be like before she got pregnant. We were without energy and passion. We allowed our house to go to the dogs. Now that I am not high every day I have started on various projects around the house and even started making some furniture out of old pallets.
  15. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Living with someone who is in recovery is something extremely hard, but it's rewarding at the same time if the person is determined to change...
  16. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    It's great that your able to maintain your self control. knowing when to give something up that's holding you back is the best thing to do. Thinking about your daughter before yourself is a sign of being a good parent. Good luck with your recovery.
  17. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    Hello and welcome, @Noreht. Congratulations to you and your fiancee' on your recovery and daughter. I'm glad you've joined us here in the forums, where we share experience, strength and hope. Where you and your future bride are never alone. It's a few years down the road, but know that when the time comes, there are AlaTot and AlaTeen, supported by AlAnon, available for your daughter. She, too, will need support as a family member of recovery folk. Best wishes in all aspects of your life. It sounds like you're doing great. Please keep us posted and let us know how we can help.
  18. Noreht

    Noreht Active Contributor

    @oportosanto She is very determined to stay clean and actually joined this forum yesterday after I told her about the support I am getting from the various members. She is the one that convinced me and then supported me to stay clean.

    @bhu Thank you for the message of support and the resources. We have already made the decision not to hide our recovery from her when she is old enough to understand what it means. I do not expect her to support us, but to understand what we went through and to use us as a precautionary tale of what not to do.
    oportosanto likes this.
  19. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    It's a complex situation, but considering that is will from both parts, certainly it's something that can go ahead. Having this said, the rules have to be perfectly clear.

    Glad to read it @Noreht, all the best, one day at a time!
  20. Noreht

    Noreht Active Contributor

    @oportosanto I am not sure I understand fully. What rules are you referring to? At the moment our only rules are that we both stay away from drugs and that if one of us should relapse the other will support them as much as possible.
    oportosanto likes this.