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Recovering polyaddict

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Anonymous12356, Dec 13, 2018.

  1. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    I’m an 18 year old recovering from alcohol, weed, and nicotine addiction and I have clinical depression as well. I’ve been recovered from clinical depression for quite some time and start drinking and smoking for fun and an escape from mundane life. I tried to control myself but that did not work, I couldn’t keep my juul out of my hand or wait to the weekend to get high. While I was using there were times I wish I ran out of stuff so I’d stop using but then I’d get a chance to get more and I did. Just as of lately I just felt guilty for treating my body so poorly and the burden of having to work hard to control myself from using everyday was tiring. I’ve gotten rid of all my stuff and it literally feels like I broke up with a girl. There is a huge hole in my life and I’m overcome with grief about not being able to get high or vape again. I’m very sad and I reason with myself it is fine to keep using but I’ve stood my ground and stayed clean. I feel like life is utterly pointless without doing substances and that was one of the most fun things I did
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing so honestly with us. I'm glad you found us and reached out.

    I've gotta tell you, your story seems very similar to my oldest son's story. He's 29, and he's struggled with severe depression and addiction since he was 15. There was a suicide attempt when he was 15, too. Fourteen years later, he's still battling, especially with addiction. He had a good stint of clean time (2+ years), but he had sort of a mental breakdown and relapsed. Now he's fighting to find sobriety again. And it's incredibly hard for him.

    I understand the hole you're feeling in your life because you're not getting high anymore. But I want to tell you: You need to do everything in your power to stay clean and sober. Because the older you get, and the longer you use substances, the tighter their grip gets on you, and the harder it is to stop.

    If getting high was one of the funnest things you did, you need to find some other activities to bring you pleasure. Find a hobby. Volunteer your time for a needy cause. Anything but doing substances. Because no matter how much "fun" getting high might seem to be, it's only going to bring you grief. It'll f*ck you up mentally, physically, financially, and socially. Trust me: I've seen the toll it's taken on my son. And it's not pretty. Even he will tell you that he's thrown away a good portion of his life because of his substance abuse.

    You're only 18. That's so damn young. Do yourself a favor and stay on the right path. See a therapist or psychiatrist. Go to support group meetings, either in-person or online. Whatever it takes, my friend. Your future depends on it.

    Sorry if it sounds like I'm preaching to you from a soap box or something. It's just that your story really hit home with me. Please know that we're here to help, support, and listen, no matter what. You're safe here. So feel free to come back and post as often as you'd like, even if it's just to vent.

    Sending you tons of hope and encouragement. You can stay clean. I know you can.
    Sara.pitchford and Dominica like this.
  3. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Thank you very much for your response. It was far more than I ever expected and offered me many new insights. It’s scary to think what I bought myself into from something I did with the boys to wanted to get high or drunk everyday. I do currently have a hobby and it’s working on my car and lifting but it’s hard getting away from my old life. I’m struggling hard and I feel like having clinical depression makes getting off everything even worse. I’ve almost cried I wanted to use so bad but thankfully I’ve been through recovering from clinical depression and it’s quite similar. I’m going to have to lean on others hard to get and stay sober. I’ll be on here a lot and I do have a therapist and psych doc, as well as I’m on Prozac (I might’ve mentioned this earlier but oh well) but anyways I’m struggling a lot and I’ll talk to anyone I can. I really don’t want to go to my therapist though because I feel like I’d get snitched on for my drug/alcohol abuse so I’ll stick to this and close friends who don’t use. Thank you again, glad I’m on here
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    We're glad you're here, too, @Anonymous12356. Lean on us as much as you'd like, okay?
    Dominica likes this.
  5. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Can’t appreciate the help enough man! I’m struggling greatly without nicotine and the days feel very long but I’m getting used to it slowly. Life is starting to feel simpler and better for brief moments but the cravings are still there.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356 hey there. glad you're here. and glad you want to change your life up.... i understand it's challenging at times. i can relate, as when i was your age, i was in the same boat! except i ended up getting DUI, crashing into a house...and that was a big wake up call. i went to AA for a while and just decided to settle down and set some goals for life.... and that's what i did.

    so, glad you have some hobbies and a therapist. you're on this life journey and part of our journey is to figure out our passion, purpose...and just learn and grow. do you have a spiritual path you're interested in? some find that helpful in dealing with that aching inner void we oftentimes feel :)

    we are definitely here for you!
    deanokat likes this.
  7. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Thanks for your reply! I have thankfully not drove under the influence but I have been close to doing it. I am starting to see how much more you actually progress and accomplish things once getting high/drunk is out of my daily life. I feel a lot healthier and less guilt but battling cravings is still there and can cause me anxiety at times. I’ll be okay though! I am not religious but I believe in living a logical and most fulfilling life I can while I’m here
    deanokat likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Glad you're starting to see how being clean and sober can make your life better and more productive, @Anonymous12356. That's fabulous. Keep doing the next right thing and I know lots of great things will come your way. Remember: We're always here for you to lean on. :)
    Anonymous12356 likes this.