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Relapse after a year

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Struggling_mike, Mar 20, 2020.

  1. I relapsed last night, I was doing really well and I had quit smoking, drinking and cocaine for more than a year. Last night I felt like drinking wine, then I smoked marijuana and finally called the peddler and bought a gram.

    I feel disappointed in me and feel like complete crap right now. I feel like screaming on top of my voice, need some one to speak to about this. I want to get back to my good happy life. I feel my clock is reset, also I did this behind my wife's back.

    So many jumbled up emotions, feeling very low. Any one out there? Give me a perspective. SOS.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  2. How are you doing now?
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  3. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    Welcome, Struggling...Mike!

    Struggling...Mike writes>>>So many jumbled up emotions, feeling very low. Any one out there? Give me a perspective. SOS.<<<

    I’m assuming COVID-19 (SARS-CoV-2) pandemic doesn’t help with the anxiety of relapse.

    I became abstinent from self-destructive substances i.e. alcohol almost 40 years ago, and nicotine tobacco smoking 20 years ago. However, I relapsed numerous times from both. Two things that helped me recover was my TRUTH that I wasn’t sober due to continued nicotine addictive self-destructiveness. The other thing that helped me recover is that I stopped punishing myself for relapsing and what really helped was by not comparing my recovery with other addicts recovery. In other words, few people realize that sobriety is an action of insights and skills far beyond mere abstinence. Sobriety is a creative discipline in the are of freedom of growth and of love. To be myself is to become myself. However, the 12 step recovery groups I still attend, tend to define sobriety another way, e.g. smokers that are abstinent from alcohol and other drugs, consider themselves sober, yet smoking tobacco is the # 1 killer of all drugs.

    I’m in my 70’s and at very high risk of contracting COVID-19 (SARS-CoV-2). This disease is a major paradigm shift, and science still to this day doesn’t know everything about it. My wife and I are quarantined from children, grandchildren, other relatives, friends, strangers, we assume anyone can have it and if we have it, we don’t want to infect others. Well this abruptly changed our life style, it’s completely unfamiliar, at times it FEELS as if I’m watching myself in a science fiction horror movie. However, I must remind myself what I leaned years ago and sometimes forget to practice, and that is, “my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance”. That my serenity is based on accepting the things I cannot change (the world), courage to change the things I can (me), and wisdom to know the difference.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2020
    lonewolves and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  4. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    Hopefully by now you are well over 2 months clean again & feeling better, we all have 'Reset' many times & starting over is HARD but life will continue no matter how 'Guilty' we feel.
    God Bless you & yours .