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relapse again??

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by holly86, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. holly86

    holly86 Member

    I'm 29 years old and have been using heroin for nine years. Over a year ago i went to a three mo th program that allowed me to bring my one year old. That was a blessing and i haven't been that happy in a decade!! Well three months ago i started using again for no specific reason. My daughter is two now and i want to be the best mother. I decided to do it cold turkey and on my third day. I wasn't using as much now like i was before so the withdrawals are uncomfortable but i can deal with it. This isn't something new for me. Addiction is a disease and its insanity because i keep going back to the same thing expecting a different result. I just need someone to talk to.
  2. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    Well I'm happy you recognize your problem and is making an effort to fix it. Sometimes when you are about to relapse you should just picture your baby and how it will affect her if you don't get clean. I like how you are able to take small amounts and deal with withdrawal so if you can slowly wean yourself from it in that way then your recovery will be great. Just never forget to get help when u need it.
    holly86 likes this.
  3. holly86

    holly86 Member

    Thanks for ur reply. It sucks cuz i know what i gotta do but i always seem to do the opposite. I gotta start going to meetings again and create friendships with people in recovery. Life is so so mich better when i don't obsess over dope and i can focus all of my attention on my daughter.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @holly86! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. It's good to hear that you are really trying your best to overcome your addiction. Well, relapse would often be part of the journey towards recovery, and I am glad you've become resilient. Just stay focused, and keep yourself motivated. Best of luck.
    holly86 likes this.
  5. holly86

    holly86 Member

    It helps talking about things and realizing I'm not alone
  6. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    It is great to see you here Holly, and many members of the group can help you with some of the issues related to addiction. It can be one of the ways to get the support you need. I hope that addiction will be something some day that is in the past for you.
    holly86 likes this.
  7. holly86

    holly86 Member

    I agree. I know i will be fighting my addiction until the day i die but i know it gets easier and i hope to have a bright future with my daughter. Thank u and I'm gonna try to get some sleep now i hope.
  8. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    You need to understand that you are blessed to have a child that is alive and well and it needs a mom to be there to support, love and give it a future. You cannot be a good mom if you are using and I am sure you will be a great mom as a sober one. Go to your meetings and don't try to do this on your own, heroine is a devil..... it never wants you to be happy and it is also like the grim weeper, wanting taking you away. By continuing your heroine addiction you will die, your child will be left where?
    Now is the the time for you to be strong, do what you need to do to be sober and although this is going to be a fight for the whole of your life, it is an easy one when you have support. You don't have to do this on your own and doing what needs to be done to stay sober is a must for your sake and your child. Get someone to help you so that you can be free
    holly86 likes this.
  9. holly86

    holly86 Member

    Thanks for the encouragement. I agree that when I'm sober I'm the best mom but when heroin is involved, she only has half of my attention. I'm going on my fourth day clean and i still feel like crap but i know i have to do this for myself so I'm healthy enough to take care of my two year old. I appreciate your comments it makes me feel better
  10. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @holly86... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm so glad you reached out. We are here to help and support you any way we can. I commend you for coming here, my friend. And congratulations on Day 4.

    I want you to know that relapse shouldn't be viewed as a total failure. We are human beings, and we all make mistakes. It's not the mistakes that define us, though; it's how we react to the mistakes. If you can use your relapse as a learning experience, and get back on the path to recovery, then that's a good thing. You know that you're a better mom when you're clean and sober, and you're taking steps to get there again. That's awesome.

    Getting and staying clean will provide you with a happier, healthier life, and in turn your daughter's life will be much better, too. Your love for her is obvious. Keep doing the next right thing and let us know if we can help.

    Peace and hugs.
    holly86 likes this.
  11. holly86

    holly86 Member

    Thanks for ur input. I can feel the support and love. And yes i love my daughter and she is a blessing and despite all of the hardships i been through of being homeless, raped and attacked, i hit rock bottom but now i have a safe place with my daughter away from detroit. The city is my downfall.
  12. holly86

    holly86 Member

    There is no where else to go but up and im feeling positive right now. Earlier i was feeling depressed but i have to change my way of thinking and life will be good.
  13. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Well yes, but Heroin is a pretty significant thing to try to kick by yourself. Don't beat yourself up if you can't do it. Calling the 800 number at the top of the page might be a good place to find professionals who can help. Good Luck and God Speed. You did it once, you can do it again!
    holly86 likes this.
  14. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    I agree, you need to start going back to recovery meetings. Just take it one step at a time and you'll eventually get to that place you want to be.
    holly86 likes this.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm glad you have a safe place now. I know the city of Detroit can be a tough place to live. I live in suburban Detroit. Keep loving your daughter and, most importantly, yourself. And remember that we're here for you.
    holly86 likes this.
  16. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    I have never done heroine, however, I had once been prescription drugs addict. I have gone through the same stage, thus, I can understand your situation. I avoided going into relapse by going to alternative healing process.The one that helped me greatly was laughing therapy.
    holly86 likes this.
  17. holly86

    holly86 Member

    I miss meetings and I'm gonna go
  18. holly86

    holly86 Member

    I feel alot better than last night and now my bones in my legs hurt. Ill just take some advil n try to go to sleep. I only slept for four hours last night. Tomorrow will be better.
  19. holly86

    holly86 Member

    Thank u. I'm glad to know i got others to listen.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. holly86

    holly86 Member

    Laughing therapy sounds interesting. That would be something to try out. Through my addiction i distanced myself from God and when i started reading the bible, going to church and helping others i felt good. I had an awakening but i relapsed and had a set back again. Addiction is a disease that i will always have but I'm going to try to maintain it and lead a productive life