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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Anonymous12356, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Well I relapsed and I’m not even frustrated except for the fact I lost about 100 dollars on my addiction. Bought a juul and started smoking weed again. All my former problems of the addiction came back at about 100 mph and I quickly said I didn’t want to do this anymore and got rid of everything. Luckily I had the juul for such a short period that I have zero withdrawal symptoms. This time around it’s easier than before yet I have terrible anxiety about staying clean. One interesting thing was that after seeing all that I was “missing out” on getting high/drunk/buzzed off nicotine wasn’t as enjoyable as before. I’ve realized how much more I enjoy being clear minded and feeling energized is than being on any substance. I’m actually kind of glad for the relapse except for the fact I lost money but oh well, I’m saving myself. I also learned the chain reaction that goes off in getting involved in any one substance, when I get started on one that means I’ll be doing all three soon enough. Feel free to share your thoughts and encouragement for me. Much love
    deanokat, cathy and Dominica like this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356 hey there. thanks for sharing. i'm glad you have realized some valuable insight. sometimes it takes a relapse to really know that you indeed want to stay free from drugs. and you are can easily lead into more than one....

    being in my right mind is always better too... i always strive to be my best..and i know drugs won't allow me to do that. so kudos to you for getting back on track. and yeah, wasting money on drugs...that's a bummer. now you'll be able to save some money!!

    glad you're here. hope to keep seeing you here.
    Anonymous12356 and cathy like this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356... You may have lost $100, but if you learned a lesson from it I think that makes it totally worth it. I'm glad you've realized that you prefer being clear-minded and feeling energized. Don't sweat the relapse. Use it as a learning experience and get back on the right path. You ARE saving yourself! :)
    Dominica and Anonymous12356 like this.
  4. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    You’re right and I’m glad to know that I’ve learned and seen what causes me to get back into that state. I am currently striving to be my best as well, drugs made me feel very guilty that I was harming my workouts (I’m into lifting) and I would be sad I was messing up my true potential. I also have a girlfriend and thought to myself how sad it would be to die early because of substance abuse instead of spending a life with her.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Exactly! I’m young and $100 doesn’t mean much. I do prefer that way but I still do miss it a little! Hopefully as I continue to be clean, I can realize even more how bad of an idea it is and be happier than when I was on the bad path. Any suggestions for seeing that it isn’t the right choice? I know the harmful effects of it yet I still sometimes would want to trade my health for drugs/alcohol but I do not want to do that again.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356 keep educating yourself on the negative effects of addiction.... and keep working on yourself... personal development. spiritual development. financial freedom. make goals. make action plans. start dreaming up the kind of life you really want... and make it happen. if you've got emotional issues...baggage...grief...old wounds...trauma... do whatever it takes to get to a good therapist.... make some good friends that have good morals and are on the straight and narrow...

    i can only speak for me... but i find that when i regularly invest in "me"... on all levels, life flows better. i feel better... not to say i don't experience pain or setbacks... b/c i do. but i'm better able to cope and manage, and helps to have those i can go to when i'm hurting or need support in some way.

    we are always here... hope to keep seeing you around! make 2019 your best year yet.
    Anonymous12356 and deanokat like this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356... Do you like to read? If so, maybe read a memoir by someone in recovery. There are lots of great ones out there. The stories might not be exactly the same as yours, but they are powerful, honest stories of addiction and the mayhem it caused for these people. Reading about how bad things can get might help motivate you to stay away from using any substances. Some of my favorite addiction memoirs, in no particular order, are:

    My Fair Junkie: A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean, by Amy Dresner

    The Bitter Taste of Dying, by Jason Smith

    Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, by Sarah Hepola

    Guts: The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster, by Kristen Johnston

    Sober Stick Figure: A Memoir, by Amber Tozer (this one is hilarious!)

    Nothing Good Can Come from This: Essays, by Kristi Coulter

    Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines, by Nic Sheff

    We All Fall Down: Living with Addiction, by Nic Sheff

    Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction, by David Sheff

    High Achiever: The Shocking True Story of One Addict's Double Life, by Tiffany Jenkins
    Dominica and Anonymous12356 like this.
  8. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    I will keep educating myself and I’ll learn more about addiction which I have little knowledge on as of now. I also have a good therapist already and I understand your thinking about taking care of yourself because when I was going through a depressive episode once (didn’t have anything to do with addiction) but once I cut certain people out of my life it became more peaceful! Thank you
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  9. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    I do love to read! Only about things that interest me greatly and I would be interested in reading some of the things you suggested! Thank you. I need more knowledge because as of now my reasons for quitting are almost too weak compared to my desire to use. Although I’ve been clean 3 days now! It’s been an extreme emotional ride and just today about halfway through, it became much better! Still fighting but I’ll get there
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356 so glad you like to read. That's a great list @deanokat !! Thanks!

    Today is Day 4!! You are doing this one day (maybe one hour) at a time!! Educating yourself and reading what others have been through is very helpful. Like, if you have a child and they keep tripping over their untied shoe laces... but don't know how to tie them... you take the time to teach them, right? And, they they can stop falling down!

    Learning about addiction.... as a disease...(not a moral failing), can help you in many ways. And, reading about what helped others get and stay free can help you. Therapy is great!! So glad you found a good therapist!!

    You're on this healing journey...digging deep, dealing with any emotional issues in therapy, etc. You're being proactive!! Yay!

    Glad you're here. :)
    deanokat likes this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hey, @Anonymous12356... Congrats on Day 4! Just keep going! You can do this!