An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or


Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by just_me, Jan 12, 2020.

  1. just_me

    just_me Member

    I relapse yesterday and feel very bad about that. Just wanted to share this here. I’m so ashamed of even telling my girlfriend I don’t want her to be disappointed at me. I’m gonna start working on my self harder. Going to more meetings etc. any advise on not feeling guilty?
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Relapses are part of recovery, as long as you see where you can make improvements and you stop now and put forth the extra work needed look at it as a learning experience, let go of the guilt,pick yourself back up and get back in the fight for sobriety....Do these things and you will be fine my friend.... every addict I've ever known experience's relapses it's not a moral failing it's a test of your true commitment and since you listed a few things your going to do extra I believe your committed. I think you will be ok
  3. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I stopped drinking and recovered from alcoholism almost 40 years ago, and haven’t had the desire to drink since. Before I recovered, I was a multi-relapser. What helped me recover was when I stopped feeling shameful for my relapses, by realizing that recovery is an individual process, and was a part of my recovery, which had absolutely nothing to do with any one else. I was very shame based, so before, during and after relapsing, I continued with my shame based behavior, which set me up for another relapse. My shameful feelings was due to competitively comparing my self with others, which is ”I’m not enough-ism”.

    I have never known and addict that wasn’t shame based and unfortunately, some 12 Step programs i.e. AA, NA, shame addicts by the “group think gang mentality competitiveness” of abstinent / sober time.

    A man I know was a skid row drunk, and got sober, then became a millionaire. After being sober for many years, at an AA meeting he shared that he relapsed, because his success went to his head, but he was back into recovery. When he finished sharing he said that his years of sobriety was a mark improvement from the skid row he came from. His sharing for me created a paradigm shift for my recovery.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Im-not-enoughism..after reading it in several of your post I believe this is the driving force behind my embarrassing amount of relapses.I feel exactly as you said you felt (shame) during and after the relapse and I think very little of myself as,I want a different life,a sober life but the shame from the last relapse tortured me until emotionally and and spiritually I'm so low I relapse again for the immediate relief which keeps the cycle never ending. I can't do AA/NA for exactly that (Group think mentality)I feel as if I'm joining a cult and must sacrifice my deepest feelings about myself and I just can't. @Bullwinkle thank you for continuing a steady message it sometimes takes me awhile to see or understand as my ADHD is always on to the next thing before the information registers
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.