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Relationships and Addiction

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by gracer, Feb 16, 2016.

  1. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    When we are under the effect of drugs and alcohol we definitely see things differently, it's like social barriers don't exist and that is why many times we get ourselves in trouble.
    gracer likes this.
  2. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    People might argue that it's wrong to call addicts selfish, but being an ex addict myself, I'll be the first one to admit that in that situation I was selfish.

    It wasn't me, and my personality hadn't changed, it was the alcohol that was to blame and it numbed my sense of right and wrong. That isn't just an excuse, but the reason behind how I acted.
    gracer likes this.
  3. remnant

    remnant Community Champion

    It is unfortunate that the people hurt most by an addict happen to be those who care for them, those close to them. An interesting issue I have noted about addicts when they become dysfunctional, they tend to vent their frustrations on their family members closest to them but act civilized in other setups.
    gracer likes this.
  4. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Very true that you're not the only one impacted. I think it really broke my parents hearts to a degree when they knew the extent of where I was at with my drinking - I think they felt guilt, shame, frustration at themselves for not doing more...and of course they were worried for my own health and well being, and how to get me back on the right path. It's one of the reasons I want to stay sober, because it's heartbreaking to me just remembering the toll it took on them.
    gracer likes this.
  5. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    When I see that some people are still living with their parents at age 40 or 50, this means that something is definitely very wrong. How to turn it around is something harder though.
    gracer likes this.
  6. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    While I understand where your coming from, I think it's dangerous to think that just because a person hasn't left their family home at that age, then that means there's something wrong.

    More and more people these days are either choosing not to settle down or get married, and are quite happy living their life under their parents roof, and who are we to say that's right or wrong?

    Also times are financially hard these days, and you'll often get a person living back with their parents at that age as they've been made bankrupt or lost their homes due to financial circumstances, so just because a 40 year old still lives with their parents, doesn't always necessarily mean there's an issue.
    gracer likes this.
  7. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    We are definitely blinded by our addictions but we don't lose common sense. The thing that fights us the most is that we do not have enough self control. We may know the effects it have on both ourselves and family members and as bad as we want to change, we need more than just that acknowledgement. We have to bear in mind that everyone is different therefore what works for you, may not work for me.
    gracer likes this.
  8. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Yes, it is sad to see what addiction can do to a person's life. Love ons who want to support the person simply can't or won't be there for them, because they feel they have been burnd too many times. they may also feel that they are enabling the addict, if they allow them to live with them for instance. It is rough stuff!
    gracer likes this.
  9. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I also found that with an addiction you tended to push the people closest to you away the most. In a way, even though you needed their help, you didn't want them to see you at your worst and it was like a defence mechanism that kicked in.
    gracer likes this.
  10. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    I'm with you on this kassie. I also had that same feeling when my mom noticed me coming home with the smell of alcohol in my breath. My dad and I had an argument the morning before and my weakness told me to just drink it out and I would get numb again. When I went home seeing how pained my mom was that's when it suddenly hit me, I don't want my mom hurting that way because I loved her so much. Until now she's the reason I'm still trying to put up with my dad's silly ways.
  11. lost247

    lost247 Active Contributor

    My lowest point was in a holding cell after arrest. I called my mother, who had been watching my decent for months. She told me she loved me, but that she was not going to come and bail me out. I spent a weekend waiting for arraignment, dope sick, and forced to face myself and what I had become. Sometimes the ones we love have to leave us where we are to do us the most good.
    gracer and deanokat like this.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks for saying this, @lost247. As the parent of an addict in long-term recovery, I had to make the decision to do this on more than one occasion. It was incredibly difficult every time. And I put up with a lot of sh*t from people who thought I was doing the wrong thing. But deep down inside, I knew it was what I had to do.
    gracer likes this.
  13. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    There's this song that has touched numerous hearts because of the message it gave to children who went into the wrong direction. It has been interpreted in many different languages and I found an English translation of the song. The original song is entitled "Anak" and you can actually listen to the different versions on YouTube. Here's the English translation of the song:


    The day you were born to this world
    Your parents were full of joy
    And their arms are your light

    And your mother and father
    Worries and don't know what to do
    Watches over you even in your sleep

    And in the night, a sleepless night, your mother
    Is still awake to prepare your milk

    And in the morning you are in the laps
    Of your father, who is so joyful because of you

    Now you are all grown up
    You desire to be independent
    Even if your parent forbid, they can't stop you

    Isn't it you that changed a lot
    Disobeyed them, remained stubborn
    And you did not follow their advice

    You did not took the time
    To think about all the things they've done for you

    For you desire, only what is pleasurable
    You just ignored them

    And the days has past
    And you took a wrong turn in life
    You are imprisoned in a horrible vice

    And you first approach
    Your dear crying mother
    And asked "Child, what happened to you?"

    And your eyes immediately shed tears
    Without you noticing

    Regretful and you realized
    That you were at fault
  14. roger1003

    roger1003 Member

    I agree. Addiction destroys social and family life. If a person becomes addicted, he should be aware that it will eat him up from the inside. Families and friends will be the ones to support that person to quit. His love for our families and friends is the only way and motivation for someone to stop the addiction.
    gracer likes this.