An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Removing Negativity from Your Life

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by May102014, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. May102014

    May102014 Active Contributor

    I made a decision in the summer of 2014 to end a friendship with someone I knew since I was 14. I suffer with depression. It began when I was 25. Anyway, I realize in the midst of my depression, I always had to uplift this person and basically be their therapist 3 - 4 times a week by listening to their issues and complaints for nearly 2 and a half hours. This person is very self centered, somewhat selfish and have angry outbursts for no reason at all. I always tolerated it and it never helped when someone lashed out at me while I was in the throes of my depression. I'm not confrontational and for the most part I handle my bouts with depression on my own. I'm not saying that's the right way but it's the most convenient and affordable way for me to deal with it now. I realized in order for me to really deal with my depression is to remove negative forces from my life that could exacerbate the problem. Once I ended the friendship, I took time to really focus on me and handling my issues.
  2. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    If the friendship is just making you worse, I think it is just right to end such friendship and have a better life.
    It is not that easy especially if the friend is part of your life already, but that will seems to be the best thing to do for you.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I've also experienced the same thing. I had a friend way back in high school though I really didn't consider her as my friend. I'm not being harsh or something, I'm just being honest. She was just always talking about herself, complaining about these things and those stuffs, she would ask my opinion after she finished bursting out all her emotions, then I would basically give her some advices. But never did she ask me about myself. It was just a one-way kind of friendship. It was just always about her. She didn't even know I also had problems and didn't care about listening to them. I don't know, maybe she was just too insensitive.
  4. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    They say it is hard to find a true friendship in the presence of one person. I am just proud to say that my two best friends since I was in high school are still my friends up to now who comforts me in good and bad times of my life. We always had this give and take in our friendship that is why no negative thoughts and feelings to end our lasting friendship. If there is always jealousy and selfishness a friendship will surely end. If you think your friend is not in any way helping you to recover but rather is adding stress too to your situation keep a distance first then after you had recovered think it over again if you still want to continue the friendship that you had started before.
  5. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    That's the spirit. I know two or so people in my circle of friends who are exactly like that. They cannot talk about anything else but themselves and their problems. I could listen to hours on end but if the subject goes nowhere and no matter how much you try to offer advice, the same problem recurs, then it's best to maintain a set distance. I try to cease contact for weeks or months but ironically they keep coming back to disturb me and I can't find it in my heart to be completely mean. As my friendship with these people grew older, I became more vocal and told them to stop whining and face their problems head on. They still wanted to be friends even after my harsh words so come what may. It might not seem like it's possible at present but I do think you'll eventually reconcile with that friend of yours after she develops some maturity.
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  6. TommyVercetti

    TommyVercetti Community Champion

    If you can't handle friends like that then it's best to end your relationship then and there. Some people can be more than a little abrasive. It's always best to focus on yourself first especially if you're going through some tough times. Friends that make it harder for you to help yourself should be avoided.
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  7. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Sometimes we need to do whatever it takes rid yourself of negative influence. Negativity is contagious and unhealthy. Sometimes I don't think the negative people realize the damage they are doing. Very often they also need help.
  8. E.Mil

    E.Mil Community Champion

    Losing a friend is hard, especially when you've known that person a long time. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you even if that means ending a friendship.
  9. 003

    003 Community Champion

    Maybe she needed help, but instead that you give it to her, you ended a friendship with her, only to be able to handle your own issues. Is not that being the same thing your friend was, is not that being self-centred, too? Only you can tell, because only you know the real thing that goes between you and your friend, and I'm sure if you did that, you have great reason to do so. So, don't take my comment as something against you.
  10. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I did this too and I've never been happier. I feel so good when I cut out the people in my life that were too self centered. Whenever they spoke to me it was as if they thought they were the only ones to ever have problems, and rather than be rude to them I just shifted more of my time towards other people who were more open and positive.
  11. Profit5500

    Profit5500 Senior Contributor

    I am really glad for you that you ended a unhealthy relationship. I try to hang out with my own friend since I had a hard time finding some good people to hang out with. Its tough but life just throws more curve balls at you then what you want.
  12. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    I have often been that friend that needed constant support, especially during my recovery. Usually my support came from 1 friend. She always listened no matter what, even though I knew she was having problems of her own. She didn't hold back from telling me the truth or only tell me the things that I wanted to hear, she said what was best for me. She recently went through some extra trauma, and is still going through it. I comfort and support her in every way I can--even if just means staying the night with her and helping her clean her house. She doesn't really say a whole lot and wine like I do/did, she handles her problems on her own. Strong and silent.

    I hate that you would have to break off a friendship, but ultimately, you have to do what is best for you. Maybe one day this person can change the way they go on about things, and you can eventually resume a friendship if you want.
  13. Profit5500

    Profit5500 Senior Contributor

    I never had many friends growing up in school so support was not around. I constantly had to rely on myself for getting through. That is awesome to see that you have that one friend who is your support.
  14. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I've definitely left a few friends behind along the way. Sometimes it's been that sort of mutual thing where two people just drift apart, apparently outgrowing the relationship for one reason or another. Other times it's been as you say.

    Sometimes people just need a bit of compassion to help them along. OK. Sometimes people need A LOT of compassion to help them along.

    Sometimes, though, people demand more compassion than is actually helpful for either themselves to receive or their friends/family to give. There comes a point where it is not healthy and it most certainly will drag people down if they are constantly trying to deal with someone who is that demanding.

    Toxic relationships exist.

    I hate jargon, but there it is.:)
  15. jon

    jon Active Contributor

    Yeah, that are times I had to deal with angry unreasonable people and it hurt on a mental level. I try to eliminate that whenever possible.
  16. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Anger is usually a classic sign of depression. There are many other things to take into consideration with out bursts and angry episodes.
    "very self-centered, somewhat selfish...angry outbursts for no reason at all..." Oh the classic issue. It's pretty common. Knowing them since you were 14. This seems really odd for someone you've known for so long. Usually people that know each other from that age for so long tend to get along really well since you kind of grew up together.
    One would still need to take a look at themselves and their own actions. You know whatever was said and done on your own part. Being self centered is for the most part can be a temporary state if someone else points it out. Or finding ways to get them out of their own head so to speak. Its not really the way a person is essentially supposed to be. Its quite a miserable state and one to realize they are actually suffering in some way. What they are really expressing is a need for attention, compassion and understanding. Unfortunately angry outbursts for the most part don't usually get people to be soft and nice to you. So there is an opposite outcome to what they really need. What I am trying to say is angry outbursts are for the most part a cry for help. Sleep and how well they are eating are the other factors.
    A friend of mine would always make a joke out of it and squint his eyes at me. He always wanted to talk about himself. Lol He'd say in a sarcastic tone, "it's always about you." and we'd laugh. The execution of the line was always so dramatic that there was nothing else to do but laugh. "why is it always have to be about you?"
    Everybody needs an ear once and while. Venting in one way or another is inevitable, unless you've achieved some perfect state of existence.