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Removing Yourself

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Rosyrain, Aug 8, 2015.

  1. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Sometimes the only thing you can do when dealing with an addict is to remove yourself from the situation if you are being used and abused. Have any of you ever had to do this with someone you love? How did it work out for you?
  2. Maniak21

    Maniak21 Member

    Fortunately I have not had to do this, but I can only imagine how hard it is to step out. If you care about that person, you are going to help, and while helping you forget about your own good, and the bad that the person you are trying to help can cause to you. Also, there is the case where you don't have any other choice than to stay.
  3. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    I did that. Left my home when I was a teenager because I couldn't deal with the addiction issues. Only my mother wasn't an addict but she was enabling the addicts [my old man being one] advocating moderation and that kind of thing. Of course my life away from home was a lot better [less stress to cope with] but I regret having left that early. Had I known back then that I could have done something, challenged them to stop drinking I would have done it.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I have never been in that situation before wherein I had to let go of someone I love because his/her addiction is affecting me in a bad way. However, if I were being put in that kind of scenario, I think I would first talk to him/her about it. I would tell that person that if he/she won't stop abusing drugs, I don't have any choice but to cut him loose. If he/she doesn't feel threatened about me removing him/her from my life, then I guess that's not a bad idea at all. I deserve something better.
  5. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I am in the process of doing that now. I not so much removed myself from the home or relationship but at the time I am choosing to remove myself from the situation. I am not going to allow his situation to control me any longer. I am no longer going to let it consume my life. I am not going to allow myself to be addicted to his addiction. It is my time to take care of me. So the other night when he choose to get wasted I choose to leave the house and go and visit friends. Normally I would have stayed around and been stressed by it all and then ended up in an argument with him. I choose to go to bed in the evening that he drinks rather then stay up and put up with his drunkenness. He is not ready to admit there is a problem and to seek help so for now I am removing myself from the situation. On the days that he is sober we can do everything we normally do and enjoy our time together but when he drinks I am not going to be here for it. He chooses that life, I don't have to. We'll see how it goes.
  6. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Sometimes people do have a way of controlling us when they are either mentally unstable or under the influence of drugs. We do not always realize that they are controlling us until it is too late. The sad part is that we are usually the ones that get hurt and we have to take a stand not to let them control us any longer. It hurts to remove people from your life, but it is a choice we need to make sometimes.
  7. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    I've never been on this situation, although my parents were addicted to smoking and drinking (only my dad was drinking). They were really great people that could've been so much more, but they lived in a century where all their opportunities were limited by comunism. I still talk to them everyday, even though those addictions put a strain on our relationship.
  8. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I haven't been in that same situation yet, but if ever that happened to me, then I would urge that person to go to rehab and counselling in the hope that he will comply. If he doesn't want to improve himself and his situation, then I would have no choice then but to walk away.
  9. sonia11

    sonia11 Senior Contributor

    I have had to do this. It wasn't fun, and it felt like I'd been had, and like I'd completely wasted a lot of time I can never get back. But it was the best thing I could've possibly done. It saved my sanity, it may have saved my life. I have no regrets about leaving.
  10. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    Unfortunately sometimes it can be the only way, and that's a side effect of addiction. Addicts will push people away, especially in the Times they need the most help, but if your doing your best for somebody and it's starting to affect your own life, then sometimes walking away can be the only option, no matter how hard it is to do.
  11. anorexorcist

    anorexorcist Community Champion

    Luckily, I have never been in that situation before, but I think that is the best thing that someone can do if that person is being used/abused. But sometimes realize that you're being used could be really hard, especially when you have a strong relationship with that person, but is important to identify when this relationship is healthy and when is not not, when this relationship is affecting us, etc. because a relationship involves two persons, not just one.
  12. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    Things are meant to be used not people. If someone is abusing you then you need to leave them. If someone is abusing drugs or them selves they wont have a problem with doing that to you. You have to love yourself before you can love any one else. It's not good to put yourself in a messed up situation.
    kmars likes this.
  13. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Mostly what goes on with this is that you find they do not love themselves, at all. So they make an environment where you are lucky if you even like them let alone love them. Relative or not. It is probably close to impossible to love someone who loathes themselves. When someone abuses themselves or others to this kind of extent. Walking away is having respect for yourself and loving yourself. Your life can change for the better. I know mine has. The further you put yourself away from anything like this it will feel as if someone took a huge rock off of you.
  14. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I did have a friend who was terribly addicted to alcohol, smoking and "partying." I didn't really cut her out of my life, I still talk to her from time to time. But somehow, we just grew apart probably because of differences in lifestyle. I love her dearly, and so do my other friends. But it just came to a point where we are looking like fools trying to fit into her life when she clearly doesn't want us there. She has other friends and a new environment that doesn't fit us in. We tried telling her to fix her life together, as she has a son already, but she doesn't listen to us. And it's just not working anymore, our relationship with her. So we let her go.
  15. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I guess you could say I stepped away from addicts, but I was also an addict at the time. I had to say au revoir to some "friends" that didn't understand that when I wanted to stop drinking that I was serious - all they wanted to do was keep drinking themselves, and in turn wanted me to do the same.

    It's hard, but I can see sometimes why people would need to step away. It can be draining and toxic being around people like that.
  16. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I have never been in such situation and hope I will never be.
    I agree that sometimes, moving out or removing yourself could be the best option for you. You should not allow yourself to be abused and might be a victim of the addiction too.
  17. Cheeky_Chick

    Cheeky_Chick Community Champion

    I think that taking yourself out of that kind of situation is key if you're able to do so, because so much of addiction is about getting rid of the old habits that you had in the past. I know that for me, when I am around certain people, I want to use, but when I am no longer in that place mentally I am much better. So, for your own good, you should be trying to take yourself away from situations that are dangerous if you have the chance to.
  18. kmars

    kmars Active Contributor

    I've come to understand that people choose their own paths. Consciously or subconsciously we all make decisions about our lifestyle. I do believe in second chances and I believe that people will change, when they decide to concede to circumstances that push them in a direction of change. At the same time I've vowed to live in the now, and if in the now my friend does not want to change their ways, I will have to walk away yet not abandoning them.
  19. kmars

    kmars Active Contributor

    I love the way you put it. The self and the soul is number one. Remaining in a messed up situation is a choice that we make for ourselves. We can't go around blaming others when we have allowed an addict to completely drain us of our strength and well being.
  20. JayLyn

    JayLyn Active Contributor

    I have been on the other end of this. I have been the person whom was left after people removed themselves from my life. It came as a big shock at first. I was angry at them. I felt like they didn't understand, that they weren't trying to understand, that they didn't really love me. After anger I started to get afraid. Afraid of making it without any one to lean on when things got hard and they did, really quickly. At first I had other using friends to rely on but as anyone who uses knows, you can't rely on these sorts of people. As soon as dope or booze runs out so do they and it wasn't long before I was all alone again. It was probably the best thing people could have done for me though because it forced me to look at myself without the comforting crutch of unconditional love. The people who left me did love me. They didn't actually leave me, they just didn't respond when I goofed up again, and again, and again. They forced me to realize that they loved themselves too and I didn't have a right to use them. I am clean now and some of the friendships have returned to me some haven't. I am grateful to them all.