I haven't posted here in a while. I needed time to get away and get my mind off of drugs when I finally went for the last detox (subs and valium). It was hard. No that's an understatement, twice I ended up in the hospital the second time from a minor heart attack. This due to stress coming off of benzos, and I was tapering sllloooowwwww. For a long time I felt as if I would just never feel the same w/o that little care free buzz. I was depressed. Bad. I stopped posting on here around that time and even moved back to my home city. Don't know why because I didn't want to see anyone but was terrified of being alone. Never satisfied. But I was about to have to go on dialysis, it was be depressed or die early. Well I can tell everyone something very encouraging, I don't exactly know when I became happy, truly happy, again, but I did. As I write this I'm 100% great with how life is at the moment. There's really no need to share all of my horror stories, we all have them. I just wanted to say as one who seriously doughted this, if you stick with it, you WILL find a joy in life like a little child. I once (when drunk) told my sister that I wish I could be a kid again so I could be happy. She looked at me and said you didn't have to be a child to be happy. I laughed at her. It was a condescending laugh as if she needed to wisen up. No, it was me that was wrong. She had it right. Just want to say if you want it its free, just takes preserving. But well worth it.