Why is it that our addicted brains imagine a normal life without the craving to use? It feels to me like a voice inside my head (has it always been there?) that sometimes is fierce and sometimes it just whispers, "Do it. Screw all the hard work. You only live once. You may be dead tomorrow... etc." I have fought with that voice since forever and its exhausting and relentless. Just when you think its gone for good, you recognize it hiding behind another substance, another screw up, another wrong road...I am so tired of this dysfunctional thinking and I'm SOBER! Yet I really believe with that part of me that I'd do better at life under the influence of something. Anything. First it was alchohol, then oxycontin (which to me- then- was sent from God), then methadone, then suboxone...now nothing for past month and a half and I feel like something is seriously missing. Like missing from all aspects of my life. The charge is gone. When will it ever get better? I am not a great actor and feel bad for those around me. I was much more put together than this! Whoops, that was that voice I told you about. The real me knows that I'm better off this way. Mentally, spiritually, physically, and the big financially! I know it, I know it, I know it, and yet sometimes I really want to listen to that voice...no, I mean, REALLYreallyreally want to listen! Why does time stretch out so long when you aren't in a good place? If it weren't for the stories of others who made it thru...Idk what I'd do. So, thanks to all who have shared.