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Scared mom.

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Montana, Jun 11, 2015.

  1. Montana

    Montana Member

    I was addicted to meth for three years. The man I was married to was addicted longer than I was, but I didn't know it. He's not the reason I started. I was working nights and taking care of our daughter all day and a friend told me that it would help me stay awake. I brought it home and it quickly became the most important thing in our lives instead of just his. I was with my husband for six years. I kicked him out last November and have been clean since. But only because I found out two weeks after I kicked him out that I was pregnant. The only reason I've managed to stay clean for almost eight months is because of my baby boy. I'm terrified that after I have him, I'm not going to be strong enough and I'm going to go back to the drug. People tell me all the time, I have a beautiful daughter and I'll have a son, they should keep me straight. But it's not about that. I want to stay clean for myself and my kids... But I'm afraid I'm not going to be stronger than the drug. I dream about tweak, it's always on my mind, I know exactly where to go and how to get some and I'm afraid I'll give in to the impulses. I know it's a hard drug to quit. I know I'm on the right path because I've been sober for eight months. But that doesn't stop the cravings. And they are getting worse. I don't drink, I don't do any other drugs, even when I'm not pregnant. Meth is my problem. And I'm on here because it's getting g worse. I've started to think of this as a timeline, just five more weeks and I can get some if the baby is on time. I've been clean for just 36 weeks. And I don't want to go back.
    xTinx likes this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Montana... Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forum. Wow. You are so brave for coming here and being so open and honest. It shows me that you really do want to change your life, and that you are looking for support to help you do so. You should be commended for that.

    I have to tell you that it's so amazing that you've been able to stay clean for almost eight months because of the baby boy you're carrying. That's such a great sign of commitment on your part. And it shows that with the proper motivation, you can stay clean, even if it's difficult. So know that you are awesome for doing this.

    I might suggest using your two children as motivation to stay clean after you give birth. Believe that you are stronger than the drug. Believe that you are in control of your life. Believe that you have the power to overcome anything for the sake of living a better and healthier life. Not only for you, but for your beautiful kids.

    Instead of looking to the future and thinking "just five more weeks" until you can get some meth, try living in the moment--one day at a time, one hour at a time, even one minute at a time--and thinking "I am going to stay clean for today." When we take life day by day, it can be much easier than trying to look at the big picture all at once. The minutes, hours, and days add up. And the cravings will eventually go away. And you and your children will be the better for it.

    If you haven't already tried any support groups, you might want to consider doing so. AA or a non-12-step group like SMART recovery can really help by putting you in a community of people who are going through what you are. They will help you feel that you're not alone, and their experience can be invaluable.

    If there are any things that you think are at the root of your addiction--depression, anxiety, etc.--consider seeing a doctor about those things. Sometimes by eliminating the root cause of an addiction, we can help eliminate the addition itself.

    I know there will be others who will offer support and advice. We are a loving, non-judgmental community, here to help people like you. I hope you look at your 36 weeks of sobriety and decide to keep adding on to day at a time.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and will send positive vibes your way. Best of luck to you with the remainder of your pregnancy. Keep believing in yourself. A better, healthier life awaits you, and you are so worth it!!
  3. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    I'm very pleased to meet you @Montana Welcome! That "friend" who offered you drugs can not be trusted, can she? Meths, and any form of unnatural substances, including prescription drugs --do harm than good.

    I feel the urgency to speak to you, dear young friend. I am also a parent of young people. And I love them. I feel that deep love for you as a daughter to me. Please accept my love and friendship.

    Would you reconnect with your family and loved ones you trust? Do they know you are expecting a new precious life-- your baby? Will you call them, contact them so you can have help when you deliver your baby?

    Please believe in yourself that you have stronger will-power to say "NO" to drugs. The only thing that drugs CAN NEVER break or undo is your Spirit. Keep that fighting Spirit within you. Listen to your Spirit. Your Spirit is pleading with you to hear its voice. Your Spirit only wants what is good and to save you with Truth and freedom.

    Please do not fear. Be very brave. You are going to be just fine

    Whenever these self-defeating thoughts come, do not fear them. You have the courage and fighting-Spirit to the truth that you will not go that path!

    Drink lots and lots of water. Listen to good and inspiring music. Read happy books. Think happy thoughts. Go out with your daughter to the park and walk and talk. Also, invest on Vitamin C supplements. That's natural. Eat good and nutritious food. You'll be alright. Most of all, you are very much loved! Spread that love to those you love. :)

    Dr. Suzanne Humphries claims good report about Vitamin C. cure:
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2015
    deanokat likes this.
  4. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum Montana!

    Yes, people tend to believe that children are the strength we need in life to go ahead with an important resolution as it is not wanting to fall again in the addiction that controlled you for so long.

    Sounds encouraging, but inside you there is something telling you that it isn't enough, not because you don't consider your children important in your life, but because you are aware that addiction might be stronger than you and the fear goes beyond yourself but the future of your kids.

    First off, relax, remember that you will be giving birth and it's not good all that worrisome you have been dragging.

    Then wait and see. If you could only keep your mind away of drug when your baby is born, the road to recovery might be easier as you think with the aid of a counselor or support group.

    Talking about your fears is a good starting as you can get feedback from people like all of us and this will help you to elaborate in what are you going to do with your life, but I hope for your road to get clean and drug free.
    deanokat likes this.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    You did it for months and so, it is really possible for you to go one without the substance. Your children will be your strongest motivation to do that. You should think of them especially that they are not sure if they could rely on their father.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @Montana ! :) How nice of you to come here and share your story with us. Thank you very much for trusting us and opening up about your struggles.

    First, let me commend you for being so strong in fighting your urges to have been sober for 8 months now. Your natural maternal character has made you stop using meth for the life growing inside your womb. Having that genuine love and care for your baby means you have the ability to stop permanently because of you children.

    Children are wonderful creations that have been given to us and we are some of the privileged people entrusted with such beautiful gifts of life. There are many people out there who want so much to have their own children but find it hard to have one. You being given the gift of children means you have the quality needed to nurture them. You just have to find it in you.

    The meth is the hindering factor that prevents you from becoming great at your role as a parent. Think of your kids when you feel like giving up to the influence drugs. They never asked to be born into this world and if they lose you to addiction they would be lost without the love and care of their mother. They deserve to have someone to guide them all throughout their lives and you are that someone.

    Begin a new life of peace and comfort when your new baby is born. Give them a life full of love and care. Let them be your reason for staying sober. :)
    deanokat likes this.
  7. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Hello Montana! 36 weeks - that's already a milestone for me. You've made so much progress in your life so congratulate your self. Don't entertain negative thoughts and keep asking "what if" because the more you think of them, the more you'll be doubtful of your own strength. This sounds cliche but you have to believe in and trust your capabilities. Always, always think of your kids. The drugs won't be able to harm you because your faith in yourself and your love for your children are much bigger than the temptation.
  8. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Hi Montana and welcome! Massive congratulations on 36 clean weeks, that's a darn sight more than many people can manage and is a sure indicator not only of your inner strength but your love for your unborn baby.

    However, if you go back to the meth after giving birth, you are still going to damage the child. So you already know that this isn't an option. I apologise in advance if I seem abrupt but whilst of course a child is a blessing if it is wanted, this doesn't mean that parenthood is a bed of roses. Quite the opposite in fact. So you owe it to yourself to see a counselor or someone similar very soon and discuss coping strategies. You need to insure yourself.
  9. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Hi there, @Montana Two days have passed since your first post. How have you been doing? I just want to see how you're doing. I do hope things are alright with you, your pregnancy, your beautiful daughter, your health? Please know that you are loved. We care. I've been thinking of you. Be not afraid, dear friend. Be very brave and courageous. The good and the truth always goes before you.

    With love...
    deanokat likes this.