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Searching for something to believe in

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by True concern, Dec 2, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I imagine this is hard enough for a person who has never been an addict or had a traumatic childhood and yet here we are pouring our heart's out,digging, searching for something, a spark of clarity,a glimmer of hope. Addiction has found us,none of us expected to be trapped and consumed by anything let alone a pill,a bottle,a powder yet here we are.I spend a lot of time reflecting on life, both past and present,I remember the looks I would receive on any given day at any given time while I was using and the memory of those looks are stuck in my memory and I've often wondered why?Why do people look down on us?,Why do they judge us?I can see now that even then I was searching for something to believe in, I've always believed in God so that's not the something I speak of,the something I speak of is "People".This may sound odd,it may seem strange but I think I dove so deep into addiction because of the look's, because of the judgement. Why did I care so much about that?I won't try to explain this question because I still don't know why. I have always been a believer in people,I have always thought regardless of a person's personality they are good in spirit,good in soul and just because I don't necessarily associate well with many people I still respect them as human beings and the look's have always bothered me.I have bounced around from bottom to top several time's but every time I did I saw the difference in the look's, When I am doing well I have noticed the same people still have that same look and I never spoke of it until now and I can't help but wonder "Are they searching for something to believe in?"Maybe they have issue's themselves and in some way reflect them off myself in some way,maybe they just need a hug...I don't know,but this much I do know..This time I will keep pushing forward regardless of the look's, this time I may approach them and just give them a big hug and walk away...who knows,maybe the look's will change maybe they won't but this time I won't let the look's rip me apart,I know who I am and I am ok with being a recovering addict, it's never gonna change so I guess this time I will embrace it and remain humble and grateful.By the way I think you are all fantastic human's lol.Stay Strong my friend's I believe in you :)
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I don't have any answers, @True concern. But I know my son goes through some of the same stuff. He mentions the way people look at him a lot. Maybe people look that way because they just don't understand the disease. Or maybe they just don't realize that everyone is fighting some kind of battle. I don't really know. But I do know this: Worrying about what someone might think about you isn't going to keep them from thinking it. So, like so much other stuff, it's out of our control. Which means, we might as well let it go.
    Aodafml2 and True concern like this.