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Second Hand Spice

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by Second Hand Spice Girl, Mar 10, 2018.

  1. Ok so I'm having a problem with this guy I am seeing .. Any type of advice would be helpful.
    So, I just recently started seeing this guy. We will call him T-Rev. He is very good looking, has his own business that is obviously doing very well, or so it seems and he is intriguing with a pretty sexy personality most of the time. He dresses in the nicest clothes and loves to shop. And when we shop we spend thousands. He is sweet and respectful but he is highly addicted to synthetic marijuana (spice) and cocaine and alcohol. He smokes spice like cigarettes and it makes him rude forgetful and very wasteful . He blows ridiculous amounts of money on the same stuff flashlights, lightbars, cologne and of course the drugs and alcohol. He swears this isjust a little phase he can quit at any time but his trashiness is a real turn off. How can I help him realize this **** is killing him?
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Second Hand Spice Girl hello there! thanks for reaching out. unfortunately, it's doubtful you'll be able to get him to realize this.... addicts are not as receptive as we'd like to think...and depends on really his pain level. is he experiencing a major amount pain for his using? consequences? if not, he might not feel he's an addict or that he doesn't need to stop.

    if it were me, i'd lay down my boundaries ASAP... for me, addiction is a red flag and i don't want to deal with it in a newer relationship. deal breaker. not b/c the person wouldn't be great in many ways, but darn.... living with an addict is extremely challenging... i hear about it every day. and, having and keeping your boundaries is the best way you can help him.

    if he can quit, then tell him that's what you want and need in this relationship. period. if you continue on with him and he's acting this way, then ask youself what in you won't stand up for what you want and need? fear? unworthiness?

    anyway, just my opinion here... but yes, his behavior is red flags all over the place.
  3. @Dominica
    Thanks for your response. Last night I was ready to go to sleep and we went to his camper and the smell was completely horrible, so I wind up going to the truck and passing out and he comes out just perfectly happy waking me up like his girl sleeping in the vehicle is normal and his attitude has been really shifty all day. He just wants to look for arrowheads ( or flint flick as we Georgians call it) and smoke spice. Its really stressful but I think ges lying about this business of his and really threatening it out of his mom. It is complicated to explain but that is just the vibe I'm getting.. Idk
    SouthernVoice00 likes this.
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Second Hand Spice Girl the relationship sounds quite toxic. i do hope you can set some boundaries...reach out for help maybe...and make some pretty important decisions.