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Self Confidence and Drugs

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by deewanna, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. deewanna

    deewanna Senior Contributor

    I have a friend who is currently battling with low self esteem. She has been doing really great, as she has been sober for 2 months now. Until, her boyfriend of 9 months broke up with her. I don't really know the cause of the break up, but I think it had a lot to do with her low self esteem and the fact that she had become really clingy. I just need some advice on how I can help her get over him and get herself together. As this is a really dangerous period for her to break down. She might start using again.
  2. Dwayneu

    Dwayneu Community Champion

    Sorry to hear that your friend is going through this. Self esteem is gradually built over time as you build yourself as a person. Her boyfriend probably gave her confidence and strength, but she didn't really know how to react to that and ended up pushing him away because of insecurity. Try to push her to do her own things such as improving education, career, hobbies, inquire about doing stuff with her and listening to her. Remind her not to base her emotional well-being on other people, a bit more self-reliance.
  3. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    You have good reasons to be concerned because the breakup could get your friend to start thinking about starting using drugs again to shut out the pain. What your friend needs is assurance that not everyone has abandoned her. Also, help her find something to do to get her mind off the breakup.

    Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you. Feel sad for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them. — Unknown

    All the best!
  4. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    Self esteem is something that needs to be built up and can take a while for a person to actually start believing in themselves.

    Unfortunately while it takes a lot to build self esteem up, one little set back can drain all that self confidence away again if people aren't careful, and it's important for people to make sure what happens in one aspect of heir life, doesn't affect everything.
  5. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    So sorry to hear this but I do believe that self esteem is so important to keep a person strong. When I first met my husband he came across as so confident. He was funny and he could make everybody laugh. It was only later in years that I got to learn how damaged he really was and how low his self esteem is. I do understand where his addiction comes from because of his past and the life he chooses to live. I think if he was a more confident person he wouldn't find the need to use cocaine or alcohol to function.
  6. nartian323

    nartian323 Member

    So sorry to hear about this. It is very difficult when you see your friend suffering, but you need to remain a positive influence in her life. Reassurance is a difficult thing to provide, but the real trick is to not overthink it. She'll need support, and someone to talk to when she's feeling low. It's often a matter of maintaining your own morale to help with another's.
  7. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Sadly love-related issues affect terribly not only someone's self esteem, but also their addictions as the only way to cope with the pain of a broken relationship.

    So one thing I would advice from own experience having love issues associated to further addiction is avoid focusing on the break up, as much as avoid trying to get her involved in a new sentimental relationship. It's time to find new horizons, new motivations, something that moves her to recover self-esteem, but focused on her own self-growing.

    Don't try to get her envisioning a future with someone else, but a future in which she is not addicted and yet happy because she can enjoy many other things that are not necessarily connected with a human relationship. Think of what she likes to do, what she would like to be and point her to such direction to build up new dreams.
    kassie1234 likes this.
  8. Scooby Snack

    Scooby Snack Community Champion

    She needs to focus on herself and only herself for a while. It may sound harsh but I really think that guy did them both a favor. She will never be able to share her love and joy with someone else if she has none for herself. And newly-claimed sobriety is messy enough without the drama of a relationship on top of that.

    Is she exercising regularly? What's her diet like? What are her hobbies? What about her support system? Are there social activities she can take part in, meet-ups she can join, other support groups? Does she journal, or meditate at all? These are just some of the things I'm thinking off the top of my head, but it all falls under the umbrella of her needing to be SELFISH for a bit, and make HERSELF her number one priority.
  9. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    Breakups always lower someone's self esteem, so I assume how hard it is to her given the fact that she has this kind of issues. I suggest that you do not try to bring this subject up, and so your best to take her mind off it. But beware, as she may become clingy again, and feel like a burden. You have to be really patient with her, and visualize how would it have been if you were in her situation. Be that trustworthy friend everyone desires to have.
  10. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think the best thing for her to do would be to keep herself busy doing other things and to try meeting up with other guys. Also, you should always be there for her because she's your friend, so you should give her the advice and moral support that she needs during this trying time in her life.
  11. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I am sorry to hear about the pain, and heartache your friend is currently going through. She's really vulnerable right now so just try to assure her that you're always going to be there for her. Support, encourage, and tell her that she deserves something better than that.
    deewanna likes this.
  12. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think @MyDigitalpoint gave some great advice there. That idea of focusing on her own self growth is paramount, I think, to building her self esteem and making sure she doesn't relapse. It's a sensitive time, but the fact she has a friend that cares so much about her wellbeing is one of the biggest things that will help her out. Good on you for being concerned for her, and wanting to find ways to help!
    MyDigitalpoint and deewanna like this.
  13. deewanna

    deewanna Senior Contributor

    I do agree that she needs to make herself her number one priority. I am trying very hard to be there for her right now. And I really hope she realises that she needs to be strong for herself at this time. It isn't going to be easy for her, because at the end of the day, the decision to live healthier remains in her hands.
  14. deewanna

    deewanna Senior Contributor

    I definitely will. I am willing to give her all the support that I can. I just don't want to run out of ideas incase we face a possible relapse. The break up will make her more vulnerable than a normal person at this time of her life and she needs all the help that she can get from me.
  15. Mayoress

    Mayoress Active Contributor

    Low self-esteem is something that comes from the mind. A person who has been dealing with addiction before will probably find it very easy to go back to those drugs. What you need to do is stand by her and encourage her, tell her she's beautiful and make her understand the fact that she deserves better. That way, she'll learn to move on.
    deewanna likes this.
  16. deewanna

    deewanna Senior Contributor

    Thanks for your kind words. I do hope she moves on fast and learns to live her life without depending on drugs.
    Presently she is doing well. I'm doing a lot to occupy her time and making sure she is not lonely or bored. So she doesn't have time to even think of relapsing.
  17. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Just try to be there for her, listen to her when she starts talking about how she feels and avoid giving her advice unless she asks for it. Try to go out with her, invite her to go places, do things, have lunch together, watch a movie, visit a friend, etc. That is the best you could ever do for someone going through something like this.
  18. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    Listening always helps a lot more than people think. You don't even have to speak sometimes, just the fact that the person knows there is a person there that will listen can often mean more than a friend who will offer advice.

    Sometimes you don't want to be talked at and advised, you just need to be heard.
  19. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    She just has to work on herself first. Having a low self esteem and depending on someone else to fill that void is a bad idea. Sometimes a low self esteem can cause you to sabotage your relationships without you even knowing it. There's no point in being in a relationship with a toxic personality you have to add on not take away. The best thing for her to do is work on herself then everything else will fall into place.
  20. EmmaAaren

    EmmaAaren Member

    Breakups are never easy sober or not, the best thing in my opinion is help her fall in love with herself again. What does she like to do? Is there a project she hadn't had time for but could make time now? Make a list of things you love about her and share them with her. Help her to create a list of things she loves to do and things that make her happy. Help her be reminded that people care about her. (If you missed it I am huge on positive lists) A list of people who care about her even if it only just a few remind her that she is an amazing person and has a daily reason to celebrate that!