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Self-Control

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Fern, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    Today I filled my morphine. I'm allowed up to 3/day but MOST days, I only really NEED two. I want the third but it's rarely truly necessary to keep me functional. I took 1/3 of the new bottle and put it in a ziplock bag. Then I put it somewhere hard for me to reach. I could still get to it if I really need to but I'm hoping the inconvenience will give me enough time to think that I don't take the extra pills unless it's really bad pain day. I don't have anyone I can give the extra pills to and trust not to take them. I can't just flush the extra because I might legitimately need them. This is hard.
  2. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Sounds like you need a designated driver. A designated dispenser. A person or a device that will only give you this when you should have it. This would be a good invention.
    Drugs prescription and other wise have a factor of calling you to them when you are addicted to them. Morphine is dangerous. You don't need them. The only way is to find another way. Pain pills are an endless addiction. If you don't have control than there is a problem.
    Pain is relative. The mind is stronger than any pain. If there is something that makes your pain worse. Getting aggravated or letting someone upset you. Even just dwelling on the pain and making yourself feel miserable. The alternative is to focus on what makes you happy and feel good. The misery of pain and dwelling on that, and the need for the pill. Drives the addiction. Pain is a driving force. Your mind is the only part that has control over that. Redirect the association to all that is positive. This is your pain pill. Mind over matter is possible if you focus. I don't know what you need them for, but depending on the severity. No matter what it is the focus will decide the depth.
  3. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    It would help a lot if there was someone I could trust to dispense them and not sell them or take the pills themselves. I don't have anyone like that. I don't even have the 'reassurance' that if i finish the bottle too soon, the doc wouldn't give me more. They would. I can walk into the ER, complain that the pills aren't working well, and mention any other symptom that pops up when that happens (numbness, dizziness, chest pain). After a 5 minute wait while the nurse pulls my chart up on the computer, they'll settle me in in a room with a morphine pump and hydration and start running tests while the poor nervous residents used to seeing simple things like heart attacks and gun shots frantically call someone more experienced to take over. Knowing that does not help.

    I'm addicted. And they know it. They expect it. It's only sheer determination that most of the time leaves me fighting the pull and voice of the pills. I battle with it every day. Enough pain killer so I can be up and moving a little bit, enough to sleep, enough to eat without throwing up. Not so much that I actually feel good. Feeling good is the path into the darkness. Sometimes I walk down that path but I really try not to.

    Careful with the medical advice though. Even if you've had no medical training, if you could see my x-rays and my file, the 'you don't need them' wouldn't be so certain. I definitely need something. The scoliosis is moderate right now and inching slowly towards severe. They can't operate to stop the curving because my cardio won't let them lower my blood thinners and I'm a poor surgical risk - too many surgeries already, leaving scar tissue, and they had a hard time getting me off of the heart lung machine and waking me back up last time. I'm 31. I use a walker and am on full disability and the longer I linger, the more the pain will increase. My pain clinic doc is hoping I won't need the pain patches for a few more years but he doesn't know whether I can be on just the pills that long. We'll see whether I give in to the addiction and the desire to feel good. In the mean time, I do physical therapy. I use a tens unit. I used to use acupuncture but they upped my blood thinners after my valve replacement so now the only trustworthy local practitioner won't touch me with a 10-foot-pole. I'm even tempted to move to a medical marijuana state to see if I could reduce the morphine dose with that.

    I agree that pain is subjective. It's hard to describe. Hard to compare between people because tolerances differ. The things I called pain when I was younger were nothing. Cleanly broken bones, punctured lung, dislocated hip (from horse back riding accidents), I would welcome any of them if this would be fixed. Back then, I would have called them the worst thing ever...but now I have new worse things. I literally can't eat or sleep or do anything when it's at it's peak.

    I wonder if there are groups for people in this same position, fighting the pull of something they can't quit but don't want to fully give in to.
  4. Janie

    Janie Active Contributor

    Have you heard of a medication lock box? You place your medication in, program it, and it dispenses your medicine at the proper time. It's used a lot with elderly people living alone to help them take the proper dosage of meds at the proper time. You can also use it to ensure you only have access to a certain number of pills a day.

    I believe they sell them on amazon, although they are not cheap. Or you can google something like "Tamper Proof Automatic Medication Pill Dispenser" and see what comes up.

    I completely understand your situation and really commend you for trying to find the right balance without going over. I'm sure it's hard since you do need them to function. But the fact you know when your "feeling good" you've had too much and are going down a bad path... well that's really commendable and good self knowledge to have. You must be very determined and have great will power. It sounds like you a very strong person.
  5. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing your story and I think that it's good that you are able to speak about it in a way that sounds like you are at least very aware of your problem and your own psychology. I suggest you speak to your doctor about it so he or she could help you find a better solution before the problem gets bigger or before it becomes too late.
  6. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Oh OP, I really don't have so much to say about this one., because sadly I might be down the same road as you are soon. As it seems my spine issues are serious and lately I am in so much pain... I'll not know until I get a spine MRI done. Try to stay strong! Morphine is tough! I have heard of so many people being addicted to it. My grandma had to take it for months before dying because of her liver cancer.
  7. PerkyNorm4u

    PerkyNorm4u Member

    It really is hard not to take pills that can give you comfort and relief. I abuse my morphine especially when I am on my period and I can't take the pain any further. I can take up to 5 pills a day. I started a pill a day but as time goes by, my dosage increases. I have very low tolerance to pain therefore I really drink morphine but at the back of my mind, I really need to decrease my intakes because I know that it is bad for me. As for the moment, in order for me to not abuse my pill intake, I only buy few pills. I am still struggling to control it.
  8. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I know where you're coming from. There's no such thing as immediate recovery so just do your best to practice self-control. It's not that easy to unlearn a habit that's been a part of you for years. If you suddenly unlearn it, your body may suffer as a consequence. Take it slowly. You don't have to get there now but with enough perseverance and optimism, you'll be right where you want to be sooner than you know.
  9. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    I reckon that you need to be careful with the amount you take as if you take too much then you can get sick and, feel unwell which can result in long hospital stays. I think you can talk to your doctor if you feel like it is too much to take and see if you can take less than what is prescribed. It can be hard to have control sometimes if someone can help you with, the dose amount then it can be a good way to recover and need to see that recovery is a slow process.
  10. sbatz72

    sbatz72 Active Contributor

    I think pain killers are indeed one of the most abused prescription drugs out there. They do assist with a lot of issues and help us forget about internal pain, emotional pain, not just physical pain. I am quite cautious of how I handle situations like this. I would like to think that everyone is not harming anyone but him/herself, but this is simply not the case, they are harming their family and friends also.
  11. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    Just think of the effects you'll have of becoming addicted to morphine. A overdose of morphine can kill you. This is not the drug you want to be addicted to. You'd be better off flushing that stuff down the toilet and detoxing with some stuff from GNC or drinking green tea. The best thing to do is look for a alternative to these pain killers that are natural.
  12. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    I think its pretty easy to start depending on these meds. I would do the same thing if I were using this. I would only take what I needed. Some of this medication is just too strong. I mean I know some use it because they are in pain but it makes me wonder if I would want the pain over the affects of the meds.
  13. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Perhaps, seeking counseling will help you build more confidence to understand the knowledge of how to appropriately use the medication without over using the medication. Hope this helps, God Bless!