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Self-Denial

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by darkrebelchild, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    Most family members usually deny they are using when they actually are. It even becomes so bad they are in self-denial because the drugs have made them become someone else.

    Usually there are two personalities to deal with here. The one who is not using and the one who is using, This particularly happens to those using in moderation.

    In situations of self-denial, confrontation is not always the best, how then can you help your loved one?
    bhu, amr13 and aimeep80 like this.
  2. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    Boundaries and tough love. Definitely not supporting their habit by giving them rides, money, or a place to use. Refusing to be around them when they are using; whether they will admit it or not. Not allowing their friends that are using to be around you. Things like that. Basically put a wall up when they are using.
    Lostboy8731 and amr13 like this.
  3. amr13

    amr13 Member

    I am having the same problem with my sister. I don't want to push her away but I know she is lying. When she explains her lies its as if she actually believes them. She has two young children and I am worried for their sake. There are times where she will even give big speeches about how using isn't worth it and it has taken her years to realize, then she comes home hours late with glossy eyes.
  4. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    In the case of a former partner, I attended their court-appointed AA meetings with them. The drive to each meeting was a running commentary of how they had done the court-ordered meetings before and knew what to say and how to be to "rig the system." I just kept my mouth shut and nodded. Then I invited them to my AlAnon meetings. They actually took me up on it and attended one. The drive home from that meeting was, "I could have sworn that whoever wrote that reading was writing about me. That's my life story." Again, I kept my mouth shut and nodded. I don't know if they ever attended another meeting of any type, but I was grateful for the opportunity to share what works for me and that, for just one hour, they felt it was working for them, too. Maybe a seed got planted. I can only pray and let go and let God.
  5. innaf39

    innaf39 Member

    Self-denial is really common, the person itself think that addictions and substance abuse is something that they would never fall into. Also may speak of other persons dealing with these problems in a negative way.

    These people often deny the need for help and support and really hard to deal with them. The first step is always the discovery within themselves, otherwise any help goes to waste.
  6. lost247

    lost247 Active Contributor

    Personal experience, direct confrontation always put me directly into defensive mode. If you absolutely must say something, make it a vague statement of unconditional support should they need help with anything. I would't even mention drugs at all, even if you're sure. An active addict can be very oblivious at times, and if delivered the right way a blanket offer of help can plant the seed that they actually need help. If they are not ready, they likely won't even absorb what's said, it'll go in one ear and out the other. It is incredibly difficult to just stand by and watch a loved one destroy themselves, but sometimes saying something, anything, can just cause them to push you away.

    Sending you love, light and strength!
  7. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    It might not be easy to convince someone who is denial that they have problem.

    There are people who I've seen that are drunk who when confronted insist that they aren't drunk. When trying to help someone like this the best you can do is point out to the person that they have a problem [if their life has been affected by drug use in any way you can use that to prove your point] and hope that they'll be willing to face reality and maybe decide to deal with the problem.
  8. tgthewriter1

    tgthewriter1 Member

    How do you stop someone from using drugs? Why do you want to stop someone from using drugs? Life, is not a beautiful place all the time. Sometimes, life can get really ugly. Other times, it can get ugly to the point where you do not understand why it’s getting ugly. I think you should let this person make their own decisions. Do not try to get them to quit. Try to stop the person or thing that is causing the problem.
  9. ChristianRO

    ChristianRO Member

    I've had an acquaintance who used to smoke weed every day for the past 4 years. He said weed is like the fuel that powers him and that he couldn't concentrate without it, couldn't work and couldn't sleep. He was confident that his life would be useless without smoking.
    At first, I thought he's trying to convince me (and others) that his behavior was reasonable and no harm is done, but then I realized he truly believed what he said...
    Presently, he's not smoking anymore and I think he's on the right track. I never told him to stop harming himself, because I didn't think it was worth mentioning (and also because he was not a very close friend), but I think that for some people, the best way to show them the right path is simply let them discover it themselves.