Hi dudes, i am 22 and i am totally frustrated. I had since i waws a child gr8 potentials, my Iq was 137 done under lsd effect and had gr8 opportunities that i throw away. Like i am beautiful and very smart, used to have the opportunity to enter the national of athetics and throw that away. Used to have capability to enter national of chess and trhow that away. Stared piano and getting very fast resuls and quitted. Had done one of the gr8test schooles in italy without appling in class or at home, in total i was paying attiention in class less than 3/h out of 5 and finished it wothout a problem. Started foreing langueg and literature university which i didnt like and didnt pay attention and got addicted to videogames, and i was getting 27,27,5/30 as resultes and quitted, meanwhile forein instructers were interested in me and proposed a studium in canada. I started working as a w8ter and getting very high wage for that work, they proposed me the opportunity to comand an over 7 million local firma with also a villa in it and didnt accept. A girl at 19 fall in love with me and she was totally perfect for me and i did everything i could to destroy the relationship, i betreyed her over 400 times in 1 year and half(some days with more than 1 girl) while working in a turistic city, and when she discovered and left me i got heavy depression and started a special 2 years longwhile diet of crackcocain, mdma, alchool, lsd, ketch, heroin, mix bombs, speed, ritalin, subotex,mushroom and so on (over 24 types of drugs) at the end i was totally destoyed and couldnt go on.Now i ammmmmmmmm42 days out of addiction (i got only tobacco) and have psycosi and delirium. I think i destroyed my life and everything i had, and i think i am not that smart any longer, i dont know nothing, total lack of self esteem and a strong will of suicide that incourse to me continiusly and i do feel pity for everything i lost and shame for everyone i didnt help. I have friends in all over the world who are supporting me and preventing me for killing myself but i am exausted. LIke why on earth did i behave like that?