I was in group homes and juvenile detention when I was a teen, but it wasn't over drugs or other addictions. When I was on the inside I would occasionally come across people with burn and especially cutting scars. I assumed someone else had hurt them, because at the time I had never heard of self-mutilation. Through the years I have run into many people that hurt themselves intentionally. I don't believe most do it for attention, because most of them do it in private. I don't think it is a suicide issue either, because (usually) it is not fatal. It isn't just kids either, I had a girlfriend in my twenties that used to intentionally cut her legs in the bathtub so she could watch the blood flow into the water around her. Some of these people are punishing themselves for something they feel guilty about. Others are doing it as a "release". Other people have their own reasons. It can be an addiction that can be as dangerous or even more so than drugs.
I will not go into details but a decade ago someone I cared about deeply did it to himself. It was over a girl . He was depressed. It scared the **** out of me when I saw how deep the cuts were. Just writing about it now gives me the shivers. I myself just cannot fathom ever hurting myself. But again we all perceive things in different ways and sometimes behave erratically when life throws curve balls at us. Eventually I am happy to say he got psychiatric help and was given some SSRIs. It never happened again. But yea I have heard about people getting addicted to it.
This is something I really don't get. I've heard people say that it's often a form of control when people feel that they have no control in other areas of their lives. Others call it a release. I'm not belittling anyone, I just honestly don't understand it.
I read that they often do it to feel something. They want to feel pain because they are so distraught over something that has happened that it has left them emotionally numb.
You are correct that it is not an attention seeking behavior or due to suicidal desires. It is not about self punishment or guilt either. It is very much about release, a release of pain that is so deep within a person that they are very much aware of its presence but are not capable of or dont know how to let that pain out and many hide their self harm very well, its not something they want others to know about, self harmers believe that what they are doing is giving them control over their pain instead of seeing it as causing themself harm, I don't think anyone can understand it without having been there
This is true, and again, I don't think anyone can understand it unless they have been there. I may not be able to control what I perceive to be my world crumbling around me, I may not be able to talk about what I feel and why I feel as I do or explain to others that I am hurting so deeply and yet at the same time I have buried that hurt in a place so dark I am numb...yet I am extremely, excruciatingly aware of it. To cut or burn oneself and feel the pain physically as well as seeing the reality of it visually, is a release.
Yes I have heard that once someone cuts themselves they feel better about what is bothering them. It is a release or relief from emotional pain.
I knew one guy that cut his arm. It was about 4 inches in length and pretty deep. He said he did it for a woman. To prove his loyalty to her. I said you are a fool. And any girl that is impressed by that is a fool. Why would you hurt yourself like that ? Buy some roses and candy, there are a thousand other ways to show a girl you are committed to her. This has nothing to do with self mutilation as he did it to "prove" something. But this is the closest case to self mutilation in real life I can think of.
I must admit that i haven't experienced such bizarre incidents and i would be speechless if i ever saw someone cutting him/herself. I think such behavior could be related to one's current or past experiences and such the best person to deal with that should be a psychiatrist.
Some people are into pain. Maybe they were two cutters. I don't know what to say about this stuff. I had a friend that him and his girlfriend were into stuff like this. Not cutting just the choking thing and the rough stuff. I don't know. Maybe the guys girl asked him to do it. The things people like. The golden showers I don't get. Actually I don't get any of the off the wall stuff. I guess someone who self mutilates would want to share and see this. A twisting of the mind that is for sure.
I used to self-harm during the depths of my depression. Some people think it is to get other people to feel sorry / pay attention to the person that is self-harming, but it's rarely for that reason. Someone usually acts such a thing out to have a rush of natural painkillers into their system. When I would assault myself, I would feel instantly numb and calm.
Another important point is to remember that not all forms of self-harm and self-mutilation come in the form of cutting the body. Many methods of self-harm can overtake the individual.
True there are many methods of self harm. Cutting and burning seem to be the two at the top of the methods list. Some have more than one method of self harm, especially those who have been self harming for a long time. I think it is very much tied to stress and depression, my sister still cuts when she is stressed out to where she feels like she has no control over things and she is probably someone no one would ever expect to be using self harm, she is the head nurse of a health facility. Thinking back, before she was cutting, when she was very young she would sit against walls and rock so that she was banging her back and head off the wall, maybe that was the start of it.
Self-harm, a worryingly increasing tend seen in many young people these days. I work in healthcare and over the years this issue has become increasingly common. Each individual has their own reasons for self-harm (in whichever format) and should always be taken seriously. Some will outwardly show their self harm others will keep things very hidden and secret. I've found that motivations and drives for hurting yourself can vary dramatically and therefore understanding of these can go a long way towards helping and supporting each individual. From releasing feelings and letting things out, emptying feelings of frustration and pent up pressure, cutting to make oneself feel more alive and awake as they might feel numb a lot of the time, to comforting feelings, routine, ritual, punishment and many other thoughts and feelings. Others I have found will show their distress by self harm and showing this to others, not in an attention seeking manner, but in a way in which to show the world they don't feel good and cannot communicate that to you. I guess there are always those that try this behaviour because they have seen others do this or might feel its a quick fix to managing feelings, but, all of these, all, need to be taken seriously. Some will utilise self harm as a long term coping strategy, and might like to keep it this way, however, may others don't want to keep doing this and want help and support to manage this differently and do not know where to go for help. Its a serious issue and one which we need to be aware of in an informed way.
What you are describing here is very reminiscent of Borderline Personality Disorder, a psychiatric illness. Most, if not all, self-harmers tend to suffer with it and you are absolutely correct when you say that it's nothing to do with trying to attain attention - most Borderlines tend to keep their self-harming a secret. You are also correct that it's nothing to do with suicide attempts either. I have actually known several Borderlines who do exactly what you have stated here. It's more of a release to relieve inner turmoil and confusion which is aggravating them. They don't want to take their problems out on other people as it's no-one else's fault, so they take it out on themselves instead to release some of their frustration and confusion. However, Borderlines are also usually emotionally exploitative and will often resort to 'splitting'. If you want to know more about this disorder you can check out my article on it here: http://sparkster.hubpages.com/hub/B...er-BPD-The-Self-Harmer-As-An-Emotional-Abuser
I have never heard of a self-mutilator that died from harming themselves. I am not saying it is not dangerous, but I see it as being more of mental illness (as others in this thread have said), rather than really wanting to commit suicide. Unlike some people who "attempt" suicide, this is not an attempt to gain attention, or even an intentional sign of wanting help. My ex-girlfriend did tell me about what she was doing, but most don't even mention it. I am sad to hear that if anything that this is phenomena is getting worse than the 20+ years ago, when I was amongst troubled youth.
I agree that self harm - cutting is not about wanting to commit suicide although when you speak with those that exhibit these behaviours ( if they will talk it through that is), as you know, will tell you they feel terrible or sad and some do express suicidal thoughts. If these individuals do actively seek ways in which to act on their suicidal thoughts, these do not generally come in the form of their cutting but would be different behaviours which would be more 'direct' to their wanted outcome. I have seen severe cutting in order to act upon their suicidal thoughts, but again, you are right, this looks very different to the self-harming that is utilised as a coping strategy. I think it does get really complicated and it is important to make the difference between self-harm as a coping strategy and suicidal behaviours. And also being vigilant to those that might move from self-cutting to suicidal ideation and action.
There is a fine line when watching self-destructive behavior and/or seeing the outcomes. A self-mutilator may be the type we have been discussing. This person usually does it in private, and for the most part will not offer it up first, in conversation. It's usually when someone sees the burns or cuts, and asks what happens, then they might talk about their feelings and why they did it. But there's another type of self-destructive person. This is the type that takes risks, almost as if they want to get hurt. They may drive dangerously. They might pick fights with people much bigger than themselves. They may go on binges of drugs and alcohol. These people don't care if they get hurt. Some of them don't care if they die. Then this person crosses over into the category of suicidal.
I have a friend who was a heroin addict in her early years. During that stage she used to inflict injuries to herself whenever she did something wrong, such as stealing money from her mother to support her addiction. This kind of self-punishment made her feel better. She usually cut herself with a knife. One time she cut too deep and ended up in hospital with stitches. But thankfully, those days are long in the past now, and she is happy and well adjusted now.
You're clearly referring to unusual sexual habits, which I really don't think this thread or the original post was meant to imply at all. Yes, some people are into pain - they are called masochists. Some people would rather inflict that pain - they are called sadomasochists. The "rough stuff" you say that your friend and his girlfriend were into actually isn't all that uncommon. As for the choking part, you are referring to erotic-asphyxiation (or auto erotic-asphyxiation if done when alone) - cutting off the oxygen supply to the brain to intensify the feelings of pleasure - but of course, there's no point telling you any of this because, according to your post in that other thread, you don't believe in psychology/psychiatry.