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Self-Pity Is Destructive

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Rainman, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Life is full of many ups and downs. Bad things happen to everyone. Leaning on drugs as a way of coping with misfortune when it strikes is only but a temporary solution which only ends up ruining someone's life in the long run anyway. Instead of focusing on whatever it is you are going through why not look at the brighter side of life and start planning how you can turn your life around?

    Any strategies for escaping the trap of self-pity?
    3030 and muthoni like this.
  2. 003

    003 Community Champion

    I really don't like those people who broadcast their self-pity. I just don't understand why they do that. There are a lot of things that happen to me. A lot of bad things, but never I self-pity. Whatever happens to me, I say to myself that it's my fault. I have choices, but because of the ones that I chose I end up where I would self-pity. I resist it though. I just say that there's a way to make myself better, so no reason at all for me to self-pity.
  3. Kamarsun1

    Kamarsun1 Active Contributor

    I always look at the bright side. No matter how bad you think it is, someone has it worse. Many times just having someone to talk to can really help.
    Rainman likes this.
  4. bluzkluz09

    bluzkluz09 Active Contributor

    I agree having someone to talk to does really help. When something is bothering me I try to hide it and it never helps. I don't like going around and telling everyone what's bothering me either. Sometimes I feel like I'm burdening a friend if I call them to talk about what's bothering me. It's very complicated at times but I too try to focus on the positive. Learning to cope with the good and bad things in life is tough. I try to reflect on past events and say I overcame that so I am determined to get through whatever is in front of me.
  5. juno

    juno Community Champion

    It is true that if all you are doing is feeling sorry for your self, you probably aren't being very positive or doing anything to change your situation. You will only go down a path of destruction.
  6. LitoLawless

    LitoLawless Senior Contributor

    Self-pity is a really hard thing to deal with, and it always feels like it can come out of nowhere. I think that the best way to deal with it is to face it head-on. Talk to your friends and family. Tell them how you feel and see if they have any advice. Even if they don't, getting it out in the open and saying it out loud can really help.
  7. Tournique

    Tournique Senior Contributor

    It is indeed a spiral to destruction. Once it started, it's pretty hard to stop. Don't think anyone can just stop feeling sorry for themselves, if it was that easy nobody would've done it anyway. Keep your head up high and remember that everything is an experience for a better tomorrow !
  8. joshua minaya

    joshua minaya Active Contributor

    i certainly agree with you when focusing on the better things of life it goes a long way to help an individual overcome the challenges of recovery.
  9. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I think that "healthy" self-pity is part of the healing process. It's only natural that you feel sorry for the person who has suffered so much, and that you couldn't help... yourself. It takes a while to deal with all the pain and grief that has accumulated over the years. And of course, it takes a while to respect, accept and value yourself again, as so much goes lost during self-abuse. For some it's the first time ever that they start feeling any self worthiness.
    Naturally, wallowing excessively in "oh poor me and my difficulties" isn't very productive and will deter any possible friends after a while. Yet, even if that is the case, true friends will stay with you and point you in a new direction.
    CallipygianGamine likes this.
  10. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    It is all too easy to wallow in your own self pity. I have noticed, on social media, that people often "invite" pity from others too - or what I call "holding a pity party". The thing is, no matter how bad you have it, there is always someone who is far worse off than you are. I might be broke right now but there are people who have to sleep on the streets, so I can't be doing too badly. OK, this can be incredibly difficult to see at times, and you do need to be kind to yourself, but at the same time, you really need to try and pull yourself out of these feelings - they are a self-fulfilling prophecy!
  11. globulon

    globulon Member

    People can fall into a downward spiral starting with self-pity, but self-pity is wholly a normal part of the human condition. We've all gone through self-pity. I think the key to overcoming it is to try keep an open mind. Sure, feel pity for your situation but also understand that there are things you can do yourself to climb out and be aware that other people are there to help!
    CallipygianGamine likes this.
  12. muthoni

    muthoni Active Contributor

    My mom taught me something important. That it is necessary to let go of the bad things that happen. Life will always have challenges and it is wise to learn how to move forward irrespective of what happens. It is also necessary to learn from the mistakes that we make so that we do not keep repeating them. Self pity wastes a lot of time that can be used creatively. This advise is not easy but it is doable.
  13. joe

    joe Active Contributor

    Life is involved on making a decision on how you want to live. If you choose a sad life with self pity, things are going to be like that. Choose to be focused and future minded.
  14. Tournique

    Tournique Senior Contributor

    Self pity can be destructive when you are caught in a circle with depression. Trying to be more optimistic by being grateful for the little things really turns you around. I'm sure it's a lesson we can all learn and relate to.
  15. angelicagapit

    angelicagapit Active Contributor

    Self-pity is basically focusing on the things you're not happy with about yourself.

    The best way to avoid falling into self-pity is to start looking at what you love about yourself. Everybody has weaknesses, not everyone is perfect. However, it's also true that everybody does have their strengths.

    Strengthen your strengths, don't focus on perfecting yourself. Do good and think good in what you could already do.
  16. wander_n_wonder

    wander_n_wonder Active Contributor

    I always try not to compare myself with others. I think that will always be the greatest source of self-pity. We have to realize that we are unique in our own little ways and there is no such thing as us being inferior or superior compared to others. If we look at things this way, the more we feel more satisfied about our lives and self-pity will be gone.
  17. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    Self pity is destructive more so if it is all you do all day and everyday! Sometimes you can use the self pity to your advantage though, you might get motivated to actually work harder with your healing process so that you get to a certain place you want to be! Having someone to talk to like it has been mentioned here is one good way of steering away from self-pity as well as reminding yourself that you are not alone, that there are plenty of people in a similar or worse situation than you out there.
  18. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    I still wallow in despair. I've been overcoming it lately, but yes... it is very destructive it can lead you down a long and dark road. I've been down on myself so long I honestly don't remember how to smile for real, or handle proper emotional situations. I can tell you, you're not alone so don't feel like it.
  19. daregicide

    daregicide Member

    It's just really interesting to see how people dwell in self-pity and depression. Everyone has a bright side in their lives but some people don't want to live thinking like that. Your life could change in an instant, and you could instantly become a whole new person if you wanted to. That's what I find really interesting.
  20. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I agree, self pity is really unnecessary and counterproductive but unfortunately it's not easy to just look at the brighter side sometimes. I find the best way to get over it is to gain some perspective by looking at people who have it worse off. Whenever I watch documentaries about people living in slums in poor countries, I remember that I should be thankful of my blessings despite of the drawbacks.