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Sending my message across without being harsh

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by notodrugs, Jan 17, 2015.

  1. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    That's one thing I told the mom when she confided to the teacher; that her son might not like it. In a way, I also understand her. She was desperate for help with her son. She thought that since her child talks to that teacher, he'll be able to help out straighten the poor kid. :-(

    You're right MrsJones and the thing is, he knows that I know what's going on in the family. And since I'm his mom's friend, he can just imagine that whatever he tells me, I will tell his mom about it. So he won't confide in me for sure. I've started to keep my distance for some time now. So I'm just looking forward to the professional help that they've sought.
  2. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    notodrugs, I was thinking about you. I hope you are doing okay. Separation can be stressful when you have concerns for others that you are close to and wonder how everything is going. Just have faith and leave it in God's hands now.
  3. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi MrsJones. Thanks for your good thoughts. I'm okay and I talked to her briefly today. She said they would see the Counselor sometime next month for a "shot" to calm the child down. The doctor said it's a medicine that's really given to kids who cannot control themselves. Since I got surprised at this thought, I didn't know what to say. Both of us were also in a hurry so we didn't get to talk long. But I thought I should have asked her for the name of the medicine and to research on its possible side effects. I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. My friend looks like she's going to give it a go; that it's fine with her and her husband. Now, I'll put my nose in just by asking her the med's name and do some research on it. I'll also be frank with her about my thoughts on it.
  4. gmckee1985

    gmckee1985 Senior Contributor

    I find thats its best to be blunt while at the same time being respectful. I've found a lot of times friends and family members of addicts are in denial. Its best to cut through that by being straight forward and honest. Usually helps to wake them from their denial.
  5. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    This is a very complex situation and I understand your frustrations, I agree with what most of the posters have advised you but I am also leaning more towards what MrsJones has said. Distancing yourself for a while could be a good idea, you always being there for your friend to rant to but with little changing could just be a sign that she's too comfortable in the situation. I say this because I had a similar experience with a close friend, she'd always tell me her problems but never seemed to take my advise anywhere, she like your friend is a stubborn person. So I have recently just kept my distance and every time she calls I tell her that I'm dealing with a few personal matters. I heard from a mutual friend that since I had distanced myself, she is actually taking control over her life and finally making firm decisions.
    Give it a try, it might help and it will definitely help you and keep your friendship in tact.
    MrsJones likes this.
  6. 003

    003 Community Champion

    It's really hard. It's even harder because you don't want your friend to get disappointed and get hurt. But often the reality really stings, and it take courage to face it. I think if there's no other way aside from appearing harsh, then that would be valid, but still should be executed with utmost care. I think you could eventually make up for the harshness by helping her face her scuffle and resolving it together, by being empathic.