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SEVERE fentanyl addiction:about to go to Dr

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by TiniBlondeSJ, May 3, 2017.

  1. TiniBlondeSJ

    TiniBlondeSJ Member

    For the past 7 years I've been assisted to the needle. First it was heroin and unfortunately I've always high tolerances too anything. I shot up about 30-40 carrots a day. I went to jail after about 2 or 3 years detoxed, it was horrible, took Abbott 26 says. As soon as I got out I went back on it, mind you I was addicted too other drugs during this time too, but thus obne remained constant. Soon after I was released from jail it turned from heroin to fentanyl. Slowly being mixed in unknowingly to me by my dealer my where now I shoot about 60-80 caps of pure fentanyl a day. I have really small veins so now at times it takes me anywhere from 8 to 24 hours to hit a vein. I've used up everything in my arms, wrists, hands, feet fronts and backs of my fingers. I have deep vein thrombosis from it now too. I'm about to go to the Dr for my 3rd attempt to use subutex/suboxone to get off it. I can't deal with being sick long enough to be able to take the meds without going into a worse detox. I'm scared I'm never gonna get off it. For the last 13 years it's airways been something but this has brought me to new depths of hell most ppl don't know exist. Please any experience in this withdraw, or switching to meds, or having this bad of an addiction. ....anything mostly what I can expect switching, the detox, things I should like for too know that it's okay to take the meds and they won't hurt me more they'll actually help me feel better. I've tried switching twice and took the meds too early and God, I can't even explain it. I tried to jump out of a moving car in the interstate bc the pain it caused was too much to bare. Please Any help
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @TiniBlondeSJ... Welcome and thanks for telling us your story. While I don't have any personal experience or words of wisdom to share with you, I can tell you that I'm super proud of you for making the decision to try and get off of Fentanyl; and for going to see your doctor. Those are big steps in the right direction, so kudos to you for taking them. I will be sending you lots of positive, healing, clean & sober vibes, along with tons of hope and encouragement. I believe that if you mix willingness and hope enough times, you can achieve anything. Including long-term sobriety. You can do this, my friend. I know you can.
  3. TiniBlondeSJ

    TiniBlondeSJ Member

    That just made me cry. As you can only imagine I'm very hopeless and feel so empty like I've been robbed of my soul. Everyday the constant vicious cycle mixed with the stress of having to make $600/day to stay well and stay current on bills, has beaten the hope, the faith and any/all life from my being. I'm so scared and have geeky the effects of taking these meds too early that the fear of feeling that again has me almost paralyzed in my recovery. Any experience it advise would be life saving. Thank you
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @TiniBlondeSJ... I don't have any direct experience with addiction, but my 27-year-old son has battled it for years. So I have a good idea of what it feels like from your point of view. I know it can be scary to try and quit again. And it likely won't be easy. But know that anything worth having is worth working hard for, and being clean and sober is one of those things. Your life will improve dramatically if you can kick Fentanyl's ass. And I know you can. I have faith in you. So go forward, be brave, and have faith in yourself. I'm rooting for you, my friend. Big time.
  5. Kship01

    Kship01 Member

    Thank you for sharing your struggles. I am a former Fentanyl addict. I have never shot Fentanyl but I did used to take my patches cut them up and chew on them to get high. I was terrified of the withdrawals. What I did was I checked myself into a detox so I could be safely monitored and detoxed. They started me on Suboxone and I have to say that was a life saver. It really does make the withdrawal bearable. I had no vomiting, no intestinal issues, no restless leg etc. the hardest part was breaking the mental obsession of seeking the high from it. I stayed on Suboxone for about a month and then was weaned off of that. It certainly is the easier softer way to detox. I can’t stress enough though that as soon as you are out of treatment head straight to a 12 step program get a sponsor and be willing to chase your recovery with the same tenacity as you chased your drugs. I’ve been sober 3 1/2 years now. It is possible to have a sober life after Fentanyl. Good luck to you!
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks for sharing your story with us, @Kship01. I'm so happy to hear that you've been sober for 3-1/2 years. That's AMAZING! Congrats! I also agree with you about chasing your recovery with the same tenacity that you chased your drugs with. Recovery takes work. And if you don't do the work, complacency will likely set in and you'll find yourself in a dark place again.

    Keep doing the next right thing and thanks again for sharing your story and insight!
  7. laura_p17

    laura_p17 Member

    the hardest part was breaking the mental obsession of seeking the high from it.

    In my opioid addiction, I found the desire to escape or to become emotionally numb to be the hardest as well.
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  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    it is tempting to run from pain.... to go inside and face years, maybe even decades of stuff one has been stuffing or running from can be scary as heck... but it's necessary to get the desired end result: peace.

    understanding this (that drinking to numb pain or try to get temporary relief) would only prolong my ability to feel "lasting" peace and joy kept me from picking up many times. still does...... but it's worth it. and, learning how to feel those feelings and not freak the heck out... like, it's ok to feel order to "get through" them....

    glad you're here. keep coming back!
    True concern and deanokat like this.