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SEVERE fentanyl addiction:about to go to Dr

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by TiniBlondeSJ, May 3, 2017.

  1. TiniBlondeSJ

    TiniBlondeSJ Member

    For the past 7 years I've been assisted to the needle. First it was heroin and unfortunately I've always high tolerances too anything. I shot up about 30-40 carrots a day. I went to jail after about 2 or 3 years detoxed, it was horrible, took Abbott 26 says. As soon as I got out I went back on it, mind you I was addicted too other drugs during this time too, but thus obne remained constant. Soon after I was released from jail it turned from heroin to fentanyl. Slowly being mixed in unknowingly to me by my dealer my where now I shoot about 60-80 caps of pure fentanyl a day. I have really small veins so now at times it takes me anywhere from 8 to 24 hours to hit a vein. I've used up everything in my arms, wrists, hands, feet fronts and backs of my fingers. I have deep vein thrombosis from it now too. I'm about to go to the Dr for my 3rd attempt to use subutex/suboxone to get off it. I can't deal with being sick long enough to be able to take the meds without going into a worse detox. I'm scared I'm never gonna get off it. For the last 13 years it's airways been something but this has brought me to new depths of hell most ppl don't know exist. Please any experience in this withdraw, or switching to meds, or having this bad of an addiction. ....anything mostly what I can expect switching, the detox, things I should like for too know that it's okay to take the meds and they won't hurt me more they'll actually help me feel better. I've tried switching twice and took the meds too early and God, I can't even explain it. I tried to jump out of a moving car in the interstate bc the pain it caused was too much to bare. Please Any help
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @TiniBlondeSJ... Welcome and thanks for telling us your story. While I don't have any personal experience or words of wisdom to share with you, I can tell you that I'm super proud of you for making the decision to try and get off of Fentanyl; and for going to see your doctor. Those are big steps in the right direction, so kudos to you for taking them. I will be sending you lots of positive, healing, clean & sober vibes, along with tons of hope and encouragement. I believe that if you mix willingness and hope enough times, you can achieve anything. Including long-term sobriety. You can do this, my friend. I know you can.
  3. TiniBlondeSJ

    TiniBlondeSJ Member

    That just made me cry. As you can only imagine I'm very hopeless and feel so empty like I've been robbed of my soul. Everyday the constant vicious cycle mixed with the stress of having to make $600/day to stay well and stay current on bills, has beaten the hope, the faith and any/all life from my being. I'm so scared and have geeky the effects of taking these meds too early that the fear of feeling that again has me almost paralyzed in my recovery. Any experience it advise would be life saving. Thank you
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @TiniBlondeSJ... I don't have any direct experience with addiction, but my 27-year-old son has battled it for years. So I have a good idea of what it feels like from your point of view. I know it can be scary to try and quit again. And it likely won't be easy. But know that anything worth having is worth working hard for, and being clean and sober is one of those things. Your life will improve dramatically if you can kick Fentanyl's ass. And I know you can. I have faith in you. So go forward, be brave, and have faith in yourself. I'm rooting for you, my friend. Big time.
  5. Kship01

    Kship01 Member

    Thank you for sharing your struggles. I am a former Fentanyl addict. I have never shot Fentanyl but I did used to take my patches cut them up and chew on them to get high. I was terrified of the withdrawals. What I did was I checked myself into a detox so I could be safely monitored and detoxed. They started me on Suboxone and I have to say that was a life saver. It really does make the withdrawal bearable. I had no vomiting, no intestinal issues, no restless leg etc. the hardest part was breaking the mental obsession of seeking the high from it. I stayed on Suboxone for about a month and then was weaned off of that. It certainly is the easier softer way to detox. I can’t stress enough though that as soon as you are out of treatment head straight to a 12 step program get a sponsor and be willing to chase your recovery with the same tenacity as you chased your drugs. I’ve been sober 3 1/2 years now. It is possible to have a sober life after Fentanyl. Good luck to you!
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks for sharing your story with us, @Kship01. I'm so happy to hear that you've been sober for 3-1/2 years. That's AMAZING! Congrats! I also agree with you about chasing your recovery with the same tenacity that you chased your drugs with. Recovery takes work. And if you don't do the work, complacency will likely set in and you'll find yourself in a dark place again.

    Keep doing the next right thing and thanks again for sharing your story and insight!
  7. laura_p17

    laura_p17 Member

    the hardest part was breaking the mental obsession of seeking the high from it.

    In my opioid addiction, I found the desire to escape or to become emotionally numb to be the hardest as well.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    it is tempting to run from pain.... to go inside and face years, maybe even decades of stuff one has been stuffing or running from can be scary as heck... but it's necessary to get the desired end result: peace.

    understanding this (that drinking to numb pain or try to get temporary relief) would only prolong my ability to feel "lasting" peace and joy kept me from picking up many times. still does...... but it's worth it. and, learning how to feel those feelings and not freak the heck out... like, it's ok to feel order to "get through" them....

    glad you're here. keep coming back!
  9. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    If you are still keeping up with this forum or come here from time to time as I did for a long time please know this.
    I'm going on a year and a half clean now.
    3 years ago heroin would not get me high. It barely kept me from being sick. I had to have the same drug you are chasing to feel anything.

    I understand that pain you mentioned all to well. In fact I was the victim of it. I say that because it stopped my heart and a defib saved me. Yes its beyond even trying to describe to someone who has never been there.

    But I'm writing this clean and sober. Suboxone and God saved my life. It seems impossible after the depths you talk about. But there is a place called underground Atlanta because it literally is a small part of the city that is underground it goes underground 2 stories. It used to be a fun mall. Now it is a run down junkie hang out.
    I know dark depths literally and I am a survivor. You can be too.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Yeah I know I'm replying to my own post. But if someone who is struggling with fentanyl addiction is reading this, know that I did too. I was an iv heroin user, and snorted my fentanyl.
    I thought I would die using. I really did. I actually died in detox. I would have anyway if not for the defib. I was detoxed the wrong way. Now I am today celebrating(if you can call going to a doctors appointment and then work celebrating) 18 months clean and sober. About 2 years sober from alcohol i,think.
    It seems impossible I know. And if your addiction is as bad as mine then it will be impossible without medical intervention. But there are people out there who,care and if you are serious want to see you healthy again. Living life again the way God intended.
    Just don't lose hope. I was homeless at one point. I know despair. My faith is the only thing that kept me from commiting suicide. And I'm grateful. Because I would have made sure i was successful.
    God has a plan for all of us. Otherwise we wouldn't be here. Yeah it took me screwing around half,of my life (I'm 31) to see that. But I do need it now. And if I were not here my son would not have a dad. My family would have sold their,business. My sister wouldn't be married. (That's a long story)
    My point is never give up. And life is about those around you too. People love you whether you want to believe it or not. They may hate your baggage. They may be mad at you right now. But there is someone who needs you. I don't know,why. All I know is that's the truth.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Great insight, @Joshstillclean. Thanks for sharing your experiences so openly with us. Your transparency will help others. Love ya, man.
    Joshstillclean likes this.