I'd like to read more comments on this question, if anyone out there can help. My husband and I haven't slept together in 7 years. It started because of a medical cancer issue for me, but then he found out he was allergic to pot and switched to meth during this time about 6 years ago (he had smoked meth before for about 4 years and quit himself. That was before we got together, and we've been together for 15 years now). Since then, everytime I ask about it he says, what's the point, all you can do is lay there, you can't move... I tell him I could do a lot for him even from the bottom, and to just give it a try but he won't...
He watches tons of porn, or at least used to- I don't even track it anymore... But now he's apparently in love with his ex, who's his children's mother, again because they both use, and I found texts saying I love you, I really really really miss you; good morning my love, have a wonderful day .... He won't even apologize for it!
He says that they had decided not to sleep together yet while I'm still married to him, or until we are split up, and he admitted to having only kissed her so far...
So here we are,... I couldn't talk him out of a divorce, but he finally agreed to a separation where we are both still committed to each other while we try to work on things... I assumed this included him ending things with his meth head ex (that he swore he would never get back together with over the last 15 years), but instead, when I asked if he was going to end things with her, he said he was thinking about it....
I have tried flirting with my husband and offering and asking and just trying to make a move on him, but he seems reluctant. Is this because I'm not a meth user and can't be the sex goddess that his new ex (not so much ex anymore) can be because they are both on it? Can everyone assume that they've probably slept together by now? Or is there a chance that he doesn't want physical sex but enjoys watching it? He's 54, I don't know if I should even be trying to fix things or just let him go - knowing he will go to her... He had said that they "weren't together YET",when I found the love texts...
And he's not telling her we are going to try to fix anything... So? Does this sound like I've already lost him and I'm just embarrassing myself? Do I keep trying to hold on to the love of my life? We were happily in-love for the first 8-10 years... Then my tumor, and I've been pretty much bed ridden ever since, until just a month or two ago when I finally got a pain pump put in and I can move around a lot more now and for longer periods of time. I know that if I could save him we could be happy again, but I also know that I can't be what saves him... But can't I help get him started to want to change? Is this even forgivable? Will we even be able to work something like this out?
I've seen meth destroy lives. My best friend's life was ruined at one time and thank the gods she was able to pull herself out after several years, and she's the one that is telling me that he's already gone. He gave his heart to another woman... Is she right? Is there nothing I can do?
Last edited: Dec 30, 2022