Hello everyone...bonesmistress here. It has probably been a couple of weeks since I have been on here due to the fact that I have done a complete relapse and have drank every second I have been able to. April 3rd was my deceased sons birthday, he would have been 9; he passed away 10 days before he turned 5. It was really hard, I also broke down about my uncle who passed in January and my grandmother who passed last July. Death is a really hard thing to deal with for me, especially when it comes to family. I really do want to quit, it is just hard for me. Today is my fifth anniversary and I will probably end up drinking tonight. I have to say that I am making progress with trying to quit smoking, I even got gum from my state to help me quit. Anywho, I haven't been on here because I was ashamed that I just relapsed and gave up on trying to quit, but I realized that Ican't give up, I have to keep trying.