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Shame in relapsing...

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by bonzmistrz, Apr 15, 2016.

  1. bonzmistrz

    bonzmistrz Member

    Hello everyone...bonesmistress here. It has probably been a couple of weeks since I have been on here due to the fact that I have done a complete relapse and have drank every second I have been able to. April 3rd was my deceased sons birthday, he would have been 9; he passed away 10 days before he turned 5. It was really hard, I also broke down about my uncle who passed in January and my grandmother who passed last July. Death is a really hard thing to deal with for me, especially when it comes to family. I really do want to quit, it is just hard for me. Today is my fifth anniversary and I will probably end up drinking tonight. I have to say that I am making progress with trying to quit smoking, I even got gum from my state to help me quit. Anywho, I haven't been on here because I was ashamed that I just relapsed and gave up on trying to quit, but I realized that Ican't give up, I have to keep trying.
    xTinx and deanokat like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @bonzmistrz... Welcome back, my friend. Let me be the first to tell you that there you should feel absolutely no shame for relapsing. None. You can be disappointed, but don't feel shame. You are a human being and human beings make mistakes. We all do. Every single one of us. You have a disease called addiction, and relapse is a part of it. It's not the relapses that define you; it's how you react to them. So what you have to do is pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back on the right path again.

    I look at getting sober as a learned behavior. After someone has lived a life dependent on alcohol, they have to learn to live without it. And like any other learned behavior, living sober takes practice. I use this example a lot, but I'll throw it out there again: If you decided you wanted to learn to speak Russian, would you expect to be an expert at it from day one? Of course not. Because it's not easy to speak Russian. You have to start learning it, practice, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, practice some more, etc. And eventually, you'd get good at it. Sobriety is the same way. I think too many people think that if they try to get sober and relapse, then they've failed. But that's not the case. It's a learning process, my friend.

    I urge you to keep trying. And never give up. If you mix willingness and hope enough times, you will find sobriety. And we're here to help and support you however we can. Just keep trying to take steps in the right direction. Recovery is not a destination, it's a journey. And some people's journeys are longer than others'. Maybe try cutting down on drinking as a starting point. Remember: Progress, not perfection.

    Even baby steps will eventually get you to where you want to go, bonesmistress. Never forget that.

    Sending you peace and sober vibes. I'm proud of you for coming here and being completely honest with us. We're all behind you 100 percent.
    Momma9 likes this.
  3. bonzmistrz

    bonzmistrz Member

    Thank you for your kind words and words of encouragement, it really does help. I find that being honest with yourself in a situation such as mine help to accept what I am going through and try to move forward with it.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Anytime, @bonzmistrz. Don't get down on yourself and don't give up. We're here for you and we truly care. Progress, not perfection.
  5. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It is hard to deal with the death of your loved ones. Drinking actually makes depression worst. Don't be ashamed of relapsing that could happen to any one. Just keep trying to break the addiction
    and find ways to cope with the pain in ways that help more than hurt.
  6. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Thank you for sharing. It's tough staying the course even for the most well-intended. Don't be too tough on yourself, it's clear that you've had a lot to deal with. Just remember that every day gives one a new opportunity to get back on track.
  7. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Hello @bonzmistrz! I understand you all too well. I also have a hard time dealing with people's deaths, whether they're close relatives or acquaintances. I'm just someone who feels too deeply. Occasionally, I experience anxiety attacks because of my unresolved fear of losing people without preamble. I haven't had one in a while, though, because I try to go through my pain each time rather than escape from it.

    It's okay. Don't think of it as a relapse. Just consider it a temporary reprieve from pain. What's important is that you're now ready to start over again. As long as you continue to have hope and be optimistic, nothing would ever be too difficult to overcome. Best of luck!
    TJB1463 likes this.
  8. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    I'm so sorry for your loss; it is very hard for a single human being to experience such grief without yielding to some form of addiction. I want to encourage you @bonzmistrz to keep trying to quit, you have been trying but don't give up. You can do it.
  9. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    Yes, should never give up and you should keep on trying. No matter what life throws at you, you must remain strong. I know that you can do this. I believe in you. All of us here do.

    Take care @bonzmistrz. I wish you the best of luck.
  10. ejorman1010

    ejorman1010 Senior Contributor

    There is no shame in relapsing. It is just a part of the battle. Never give up and continue on your journey. We are all rooting for you.
  11. FenWoFon

    FenWoFon Active Contributor

    Wow, I am really sorry for you, however you should do your best andrealize that is not the proper way, there are many things you could do to forget about things, build a new life, meet new people, try it and you will surely see the difference.
  12. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Don't worry, no shame in relapsing. It's actually quite normal, what truly matters is that you came back and you are still trying to stop smoke. Actually, did you know that most people who quit smoking for good relapsed several times until they finally beat that habit? It's very true. They just never gave up, and you will not either.
  13. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @bonzmistrz... How are you doing today, my friend? I'm thinking about you today and want you to know that we truly care about you. Help and support are here for you whenever you need/want it.
  14. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    As others have already said, there's no shame in relapsing and it's something we all do unfortunately. It's not the relapse though that makes us the person we are, its what we do and where we go from now that makes us the person.

    We just have to pick ourselves up and start again.
  15. danjon

    danjon Senior Contributor

    It's so sad to hear what you're going through right now. Deal with it the best you can, and though it's a cliche by now, just take every day as it comes. Shame is one of the most destructive emotions we go through on this journey, but it needn't be inevitable. Stay strong.
  16. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I promise that most of us who have gone on this recovery journey have relapsed. It's only something to be upset about if you don't get back on the horse and keep going. I honestly learned from each relapse I had, and that served to make me stronger in the fight as it went on. Equip yourself with the knowledge you received from your relapse and use that to make yourself more aware of your triggers. You've got this!
  17. Novelangel

    Novelangel Active Contributor

    First of all, stop slamming yourself for having a relapse. It happens and you deal with it when it happens and then you move on in life. The fact that you're back here is a stepping stone to that new reality you're seeking. So what if you slipped a little. Start over. Today is a new day and you can start counting your days of sobriety when you're ready.
  18. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    After a relapse, if it was just a blip for a day, I didn't even stop counting the days sober and just carried on. I treated it as a break because if I got to 28 days sober, relapsed for a day then went again another 28 days sober, I wasn't prepared to dwell on that one day and ruin my progress.
    TJB1463 likes this.
  19. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    You shouldn't be ashamed for relapsing. It happens. What does make a difference is how you react to the minor setback. Get up and keep going hard though it might be. Use your desire to stop drinking to propel you forward.

    Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
    — Thomas A. Edison

    All the best!
  20. henry

    henry Community Champion

    Of course there's no shame in relapsing. Most of us are here because we tend to relapse all the time and really appreciate the help we get posting our troubles on this forum. And don't stop trying, because that's the only hope you've got to beat this thing. Once you stop trying, the battle is surely lost. And, as I always say, meditation helps a whole lot. Give it a try.
    deanokat likes this.