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Sharing my 1

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Strawberry, May 13, 2018.

  1. Strawberry

    Strawberry Member

    Hi everyone, this is my first time ever participating in an online discussion of any topic, however, I am confident it will be a huge help to me to have the opportunity to share my journey daily with fellow addicts like myself. I have been a heroin addict for 22 years now with a couple of lengthy periods of sobriety, and numerous relapses. I have always been whats considered a "functional addict", meaning I have always had the ability to maintain a semi-normal life while using daily, even to the point where I've been in several long term relationships with men that lasted 5+ years without them having the slightest notion that I had a substance abuse problem. In A/A and/or N/A, there's a well-known saying, "your only as sick as your secrets". That is a concept I can relate to well. Being that my addiction has been my #1 biggest secret I have always worked hard to keep under wraps, it has now become an issue I am not confronted about by family or loved ones as being a problem that I need help with.
    That being said, after much thought and contemplation, I have made a decision to face this demon and take it by the horns once and for all. I'm truly ready to do whatever it takes to leave this horrific and miserable rat race in the past and reclaim my life from the grips of this heroun addiction. I have small children, and this has been the hardest part to find a way to do an at home detox when I have very little help with caring for my children in any way. Realistically, I know there is just no way I could successfully detox and care for my children properly thru that process. It was not at all easy, but I have finally found the guts to take action and make arrangements for this, and I now have finally made a way for myself to begin this journey tomorrow morning. I have just enough heroin left to get me thru the rest of today, have made plans to take my girls to grandma's house this evening, and have purchased necessary items to aid in relieving the symptoms of withdrawal as much as possible, although I know from past experience there is just not a way to erase all pain and discomfort 100% thru this process as withdrawal from any opiate based drug is going to be painful and uncomfortable to a certain degree regardless. However, I am confident that with what I have and the determination and drive I have to see this thing thru, I can and absolutely will get thru this. I sincerely hope that in posting my daily progress, thoughts and feelings not only will doing that keep me strong and motivated to keep pushing thru this, it will also be an encouragement to others who may be struggling and trying to find the strength to bite the bullet and get clean as well. Ending for now, will be back with an update tomorrow.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Strawberry hi there. Congrats on this decision. You can do it.

    Yes, come here and post your journey.... and yes, do whatever it takes. We are here ti encourage you.

    How are you this morning?
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Strawberry Welcome and congratulations on your decision to get sober,being that your addiction is 22 year's old and considering you have had sober time in between you already know what your in for as far as detox.I have been an addict myself for 20+ year's and i was using everything as i was one of those people who felt no self worth for so so long and it has taken alot for myself to start pushing beyond that feeling and didn't know why i felt such hate for myself but the more i share my story and the more i attend meetings the better i feel.I was addicted to 320mg's of Oxycontin a day so i understand what you are about to go through and i sympathize with you but that being said after a 27 day detox i went through kicking that drug i am slowly getting my life back on track and i know you can do it.There is such a better life waiting for you and I'm hear for support and this community has amazing people who all try to help one another in any way we can.Stay Strong and God Bless we are all rooting for you
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Strawberry. I applaud your decision to get clean and sober. And your courage. I know you can do this, my friend. Keep your positive attitude and come back here as often as you'd like to update us. We will help and support you however we can. And yes, documenting your experience will be helpful to others, too.

    I'm proud of you.
  5. Strawberry

    Strawberry Member

    Thanks so much for taking the time out to leave comment, I am very much a loner and always have been so all of you here on this site will be the only ones who know about this present journey I'm on. I will be posting an update on todays shenanigans this evening, but no worries, I'm hanging in there, and I did not and will not use today
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Strawberry

    Strawberry Member

    Thankyou for your kind words and encouragement. I am very muxh a loner and always have been so this site will be my only source of networking with others like me. I am happy to be a part of this and will post an update this evening on how today has gone, but one thing for certain, I did not and will not use today. That's all I know at this moment.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Strawberry i posted earlier and i wasn't satisfied with my post as i usually put 100% of myself into every response and honestly I don't think i did that earlier and it's been bothering me,im going to post my story here just so you know a little more about myself and after that I will continue.I post this story here on your thread because i was exactly the opposite of a functioning addict and i don't know if the hell between the two are different or not but i do know i can only share my experiences with the struggle so here it isThis is my story of addiction.I was born in the early 80's at the age of six year's old i was diagnosed with that time there was a new F.D.A.approved drug by the name of Ritalin.At first it seemed to be a miracle pill,I was on this pill until the age of 18 at that time i decided i was no longer going to take this pill and it began just under a year passed and someone said "Have you ever tried crystal"which i had not at that time but i tried it and instantly noticed that it was 100% the same effect i got from Ritalin only difference was it lasted longer,or seemed to but honestly it was probably the quantity i was doing was greater than that of Ritalin i struggled with meth on and off for roughly 20 year's,not only meth but i was as well consuming 750ml of Jack Daniel's a day plus a 12 pack of beer.For those who don't know when you mix the two you don't appear to get drunk which is very deadly because infact you do get drunk however you don't realise it until it's too late meaning alcohol poisoning.I experienced this a few times and actually died on a hospital bed due to this fact,it took 3 hits with a defibrillator to restart my heart and i was told the only reason I was hit 3 times was because i was only 19 year's old,but usually after the second time if your heart doesn't restart you are then pronounced dead,but a nurse pleaded with the try one more time and he did and my heart started back up.I didn't know at the time but that nurse was actually the mother of the lead singer of Sublime who just lost her son to a heroin overdose.I am forever grateful for that nurse without her plea i would be another statistic.Unfortunately I didn't quite using drug's at that time i just traded substances.I started abusing pain pills heavily and increased that addiction to catastrophic proportions,it got so bad i started injecting heroin which i quickly traded for oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I abused fentanyl as well but nothing compared to the oxycontin.At my worst i was injecting 240-320mg's of oxycontin a day,feeling i wouldn't survive another month i decided to seek help.I'm poor and i come from poor parent's so my options were limited,i ended up at a methadone clinic for help slowly decreasing my extremely high tolerance.At the clinic i had an interview with a drug addiction counselor and an addiction physician,i was hoping for good news but what i heard shock me to my core.I was told by both the same thing,"Sir we are sorry to tell you but your addiction and tolerance is beyond the point of return,whether you quit or continue either way you cannot survive you have if your lucky a month to live"My heart sank and i decided at that moment if i was going to die i would die trying.I went home and prayed and then i called my wife into the room to tell her the news.At that moment i apologized to her told her how much she meant to me and made her promise if i didn't make it she would move on re marry and live a happy life and she noded yes.After that i quite cold turkey and suffered pain and sickness i cannot describe,for 27 straight day's i did not leave the bedroom,i did not eat,i did not sleep,i hallucinated,i screamed in intense unimaginable pain,i lost over 50 pound's in that time frame and had to be rushed to the hospital 3 time's where they would rehydrate me and try to give me pain shots to stall the detox which i refused.On day 28 I took my first steps after i quite and by the grace of God i survived and this May im married 18 year's to my beautiful wife and guardian angel.This is the first time I've shared my story of addiction and i did it for one reason alone,i want everyone to know i understand what you are going through and no matter how bad it gets there is hope.I'm here for each and everyone of you,if you ever need someone to talk to,if you ever feel no one understands im all ears and i do understand.Stay Strong We're rooting for you.......Now after reading your story it's difficult for myself to try and understand how a person for the most part stays functioning through addiction as i couldn't,but i do understand we are all different.I do commend you on the decision to get free of the grasps of addiction as that takes incredible strength and courage.As you post updates i will respond as will other's im sure.Take Care and God Bless.Stay Strong
    Dominica likes this.