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She is addicted and in denial...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by pandabear1991, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    I am referring to my older sister, of which I am very close to.

    She is 25, and like me, has had lots of mental trauma from childhood due to our Mother's abusive boyfriend (state declared mentally challenged- abusive physically to her and us, also used any and every drug on a daily basis, stole from us to buy his drugs), our drunk Father who was constantly jumping relationships (and only in the picture when he needed to show off his new family), and sexually abusive uncles (during our toddler years).

    Over the years, I have noticed that her mentally seems to be slipping. She has had several wrecks and speeding tickets due but not limited too: lack of attention, texting while driving, aggressive driving, and chasing unhealthy relationships. All of which to me seem like a mood disorder, especially since her demeanor can change over simple nonrelavent things. I have asked her several times to have her mentality checked, yet she refuses. There are several other factors that contribute:

    1. She has been on muscle relaxers and pain killers every day since her first wreck (8 years ago).

    2. She has been on birth control since she was 9, due to unbalanced hormones, even though the birth control doesn't help.

    3. I often have to talk to people for her, she can never seem to collect her thoughts correctly and often leaves out important detail/questions when communicating with anyone (doctor, judge, bill collectors, bosses at work etc.)

    4. She eats out and shops for unnecessary clothes/items before paying any personal bills (even though she cannot afford household bills or to help) .

    5. She has never lived on her own, even when she has had the money to do so.

    6. She has poor judgement on guys- (this is just one incident) here recently a guy took her to the middle of nowhere and forced her (threatened if she didn't) even though he had been verbally abusive to her within their first 2 dates and through lots of text messages.

    7. I have to ask her to clean her room, or help out with dishes/any house work, even though she lives here and pays no bills (my sister has lived with me shortly I moved out on my own at the age of 17). Expecting her to clean after herself is a joke, even though she is constantly told.

    8. She expects hand outs from everyone (work, parents, grandparents, siblings, government etc.) constantly wanting something for nothing.

    9. She will not try for any type of physical or constructive activity.

    10. Often expects other people to do things for her- the list could go on here.

    11. Does things without educating herself first/considering the consequences (She drained $16,xxx from her Stocks and 401k this past summer while receiving full unemployment benefits of $245 a week from a plant shutdown, and spent it all shopping, eating out, and some went toward her car. She never put any back for tax penalties, rainy day, or for her to be on her own!)

    12. Seems to want to fix everything with her pills, and not try to fix her problems so she can be independent.

    13. She would rather take advice on what sounds convenient for her, instead of what is best for her.

    14. When she is caught being dishonest, she lies and gets mad to cover it up.

    15. She is constantly seeing married men (same men, weekly basis), and is constantly personally meeting new guys on Craigslist without telling anyone where she is going or who with, despite previous safety issues/abusive encounters.

    16. Says random off topic things when trying to get in on a conversation.

    I am about the only person she talks to, but she will not consider any of my advice for mental health treatment. But at the same time, I do not appreciate her lifestyle or the influence it can have on my son. Even if I tried to give her the boot, she would just go back to my Mom's house and start complaining about her horrible life there. I am not sure what to say or do anymore.

    Note: She has only been on the birth control since she was 9 for her unbalanced hormones. The prescription pain pills have been prescribed by a doctor due to inflammation under her skull and in her upper back from her 3 major car wrecks.
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2015
  2. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    Oh wow, sounds like she really can be a hand full and that definitely is a messy situation you have there!
    I gather from the way you poured your heart out that you truly love your sister and of course want her to get better.

    The thing with her seems to be obviously the denial factor and well the dependency as well! I suggest that you maybe get other people that you are both close to involved in the matter. An intervention sounds about right in such a situation and maybe if she won't hear any of you out then it might be time for drastic measures.

    Perhaps putting her up for counselling on in rehab would be in her best interest here as well as in your interest and your son's; it of course won't be easy but I really think that it is something you need to get into and fast. All the best with that and also do keep supporting her and showing her that you love her!
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  3. olb1213

    olb1213 Member

    Is she living in your home? That's what it sounds like, but I wasn't sure. If she is living in your house and is around your child then you have every right to ask her to get help or get out. I have been in a very similar situation with an adult sibling who lived in my home for awhile. I love him and want the best for him and desperately wanted him to get help, but as a mother my first and foremost obligation is to my child and I could not have him living that way around my son. This kind of thing is SO, SO hard and I'm so sorry you have to go through this! If she is in denial and does not want help it will only continue to wear on you and your family. It took my a long time to accept that I while I love my brother more than anything, all of the love in the world would never be enough unless HE wanted help.
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  4. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Your sister definitely needs help. The fact that she's been on drugs since she was 9 is a clear testament on how drugs may have a profound negative effect on one's mental and psychological state. I really sympathize with you and all i can hope for is that your sister gets back to her senses before it's too late for her but this will come with a lot of determination on her part. All the best.
  5. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    Let me start by saying that I am sorry about the situation that you and your sister had to go through. She definitely needs to receive attention and help. Being on drugs at the age of nine is a terrible thing to think of. She needs to go to rehab, start the recovery process and maybe see a therapist.
  6. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    &elles-belles:
    Thank you for understanding and for your supportive advice.

    I have thought this over and over, but sadly, no one that we are close (friend's or family) to want to help give an intervention. They just want to keep feeding into her problems and/or ignore them making excuses for her along the way. She doesn't have close friends, and she is the type that doesn't like to hear what others think about her- regardless of how valuable their thoughts are and the fact that they have good intentions for what they are telling her.

    I mean personally, I myself have made some some bad choices years ago, and I did/still do seek therapy and mental guidance to help ensure that my child hood trauma does not affect me anymore as an adult. I have offered to take her with me to sessions so she can see how easy it is and how nice it is to have an outside-unbiased-opinion, that is there for "personal best intentions." She declines every time, even though my husband happily accompanies whenever I ask.

    You are right, I do care, and I do want to be supportive the right way. Giving her the boot does not seem like a good option at the moment, but it very well may have to be in the future. I am going to try and talk to her about it again and give her some options like an intervention. Hopefully I can talk my Dad into helping with this- after all, when I do ask for money to help with bills, she simply asks him for it and he simply gives it, even though she has the money and has a full time job with no dependents.
  7. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    &olb1213:
    Thank you so much for responding and for your sincere advice.

    She does live with me, she always has ever since I was on my own as a teen. I know what is best for my son, but at the same time, teaching him the difference between right and wrong based on the things she does (he may be 6 but even he sees the things that she does and directly questions her about it when he spends time with her) kinda has advantages some days. To me, it is showing him the difference first hand, and that you cannot always "judge a book by it's cover."

    If her pill addiction was to the point that she was buying extra off the street, trust me, she would have been gone long ago. But the truth is, everything is prescribed, and as I have mentioned, she has had 3 serious car wrecks that have hospitalized her- so maybe she is very well in pain that I cannot understand. The part that concerns me is her mental health. I feel she will never be able to live a stable independent live style until she gets this checked/in control.

    I also mentioned that she has a hormonal imbalance (has ever since she was 9, has also been told she will never conceive). I am very convinced that the birth control she has been taking all these years is ineffective-or at least not good enough on their own. I am trying to talk her in to allowing me to her doctor visits, to help get her health on the right track, and to ask those questions that she is afraid to know the answers to.

    Hopefully, things will get better and if not- my Dad can pay her bills for her in another house because even though her situation in a way helps me teach my son, it is still not good for him to grow to know that kind of living.