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Should family cut off someone if they won't go to rehab?

Discussion in 'Questions About Treatment' started by Bamber8810, Feb 4, 2015.

  1. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    If nothing changes, nothing changes. My wife and I learned that. Sometimes an ultimatum is the only thing left to try. There are risks involved, but we were ready to take those risks. Our son realized that his jig was up. He no longer had it made. Changing his ways was his only option. It was either that or live on the streets.
    pstrong1969 likes this.
  2. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    My brother is in rehab right now. I haven't spoke to him since he has been there. Not because I'm mad or anything I just think he needs to be left along to work on his problem. His daughter, and myself went to him, and ask him to go because he was in real bad shape he agreed, and I hope he comes out to stay clean.
    deanokat likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'll keep your brother in my thoughts and prayers, @karmaskeeper. I hope everything goes well for him. Good for you and his daughter for talking to him.
  4. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    As you said, if you just continue to support the person who does not want to seek help it will make you an enabler. So sometimes it is needed to cut off someone no matter how it will be hard for both of you. Better to do not stop convincing them to seek help and do not give them money they could spend on their addiction. Just give foods and other necessities.
    deanokat likes this.
  5. Juanpeace

    Juanpeace Active Contributor

    It is true love must be unconditional you cannot give up on a person you love and care for even if that person is giving up himself due to his/her addiction. The family is his only link to a more sane world. it can still remind him of home. Charity begins at home if you can help other people why not a kinsman or relative. You cannot hope to love other people if you cannot even help a relative. Clamp the handcuffs on him and bring him/her to the rehab facility if you have to.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Juanpeace... Clamping handcuffs on someone and taking them to rehab will not do anything for them unless they are willing to change. That's the sad truth about addiction. It doesn't matter how much YOU want them to change. THEY have to want to.
  7. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    Everyone's situation is different. I think that if the addict was at the point where the family had tried everything else and exhausted all other resources, and if the addict was potentially putting themselves and others in danger, then it may be necessary to allow them to reach a new low. Sometimes once people reach that low, they realize they had family and loved ones who were trying to help before, and they will seek the help that they refused in the first place.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @irishrose... I totally agree. And that was the case with my son. The threat to cut him off was what he needed to seek out help. Was the decision my wife and I made risky? Absolutely. But sometimes the risk is worth the reward.
  9. BrandonA

    BrandonA Active Contributor

    Ostracism should be a measure of last resort. If the person is actively destroying the relationships they have, then maybe for the sake of protection, yes. But consider that you're cutting the addict off from one of their greatest sources of hope and support. It's an ugly tradeoff.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @BrandonA... I understand the other side of the argument, too. But for a lot of addicts, family is not their greatest source of hope and support. Instead it's their greatest source of what they need to continue in their addiction. My wife and I spent about 5 years being as supportive as we possibly could for our son, while he was living with us. But all he wanted was a free place to live, free food, and a source for things he could trade for drugs or money to buy drugs. When it gets to the point where the family is enabling the addict instead of supporting them, and the addict is just taking advantage of the family...well, then it's time to try something new. I tell people not to judge what a parent does with their addicted child until they've walked a mile in the parents' shoes. The difference between saying "This is what a parent should do" and actually having to do something as a parent is huge.
  11. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Woah, this is a hard one to be honest. I think it depends on your own character and personality, as well as the situation, same goes for the addict. I mean... would you kick out a son who is an addict and also happens to be a person who has tried to commit suicide. I'd not be so sure what to do... but I'd not like my son to use that in order to manipulate me and force me to enable him, thus creating a really bad vicious circle.
    deanokat likes this.
  12. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I really don't think so. You need to be supportive but not an enabler. I don't believe you should ever turn your back on somebody who needs you even if they don't realize how badly they need you. You should never give up on them. You may step back but you never stop loving them. When the time comes that they need you, you need to be there.
  13. JohnBeaulieu

    JohnBeaulieu Community Champion

    This isn't something that anyone here can answer for you. Every situation is unique in this case. I would be strongly cautious about about any advice strongly asserting one action or another here.
  14. LindaBreen

    LindaBreen Member

    It is the difficult question to answer.iF you love some one you can't see that person in difficulty.