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Should i start my sober time over?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Joshstillclean, Oct 2, 2019.

  1. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Well, I'm hesitant-was hesitant- to type this. Yesterday was the perfect storm of accidents for what follows to happen.
    And no one here is to blame other than myself for not questioning things more than I did.
    Here it goes- I went to get my subutex, regular pharmacy was out. Had to go to Atlanta which is a drive late yesterday and really needed it-also my epilepsy medicine. So I had it sent to a pharmacy near where I was going when I got to ATL.
    (A pharmacy I used to get other scripts filled at).

    Now I usually use cash, but what I was doing yesterday required a card. So I didn't pay attention to cost of anything when I got to the pharmacy as I was in a very big hurry.
    Anyway...very rushed and distracted with other matters there seemed to be some confusion as to what I needed when I got to the other pharmacy in the city. My mom and pop pharmacy had sent over the subs but they asked what I wanted-i said "what I wish I could go without"...(this is a joke at my other pharmacy about how I hate taking Subutex).
    She said how many I asked if they sent it all. She said I still had some on file...? Ok...(weird but Im in a rush).
    I asked how many did they send she told me 7, sounded right and I got that and my other -what I thought was epilepsy medicine.
    I was so in another world yesterday. I had work on my mind.
    I used to use that pharmacy for dilaudid and opana....and who knows what else.
    When I get to my truck I put two tablets under my tongue from the bottle with seven in it.
    I had an expired (which shouldn't have been filled-but these people take cash for pills)
    Script for OxyContin. Looked just like Subutex and I put them under my tounge. They dissolved fast. I noticed it tasted different and didn't think it was anything other than from me starting to use tobacco again or a different brand- until it hit me. Then I looked closer and knew. And remembered that taste like yesterday then.
    Whats worse is that my epilepsy meds they did fill- and they looked correct, same shape color and I downed two of them also. They were a script of valium I hadn't ever filled. Nevertheless I DID take that for epilepsy- before I detoxed.
    Looking over my receipt I see that I paid out of pocket 177.43(with a Dr Pepper).
    If I had paid with cash this wouldn't have happened. If I had attributed the taste to something other than just having a dip this wouldn't have happened. If I hadn't gone to that old pharmacy-although I thought I had nothing left there- this wouldn't have happened.
    I was so high I was nodding driving the beltway getting back home. I took a piece of a Ritalin- which I had done the day before to get home alive.
    I'm still high.
    This was an accident. And I'm being honest. I called them at 8 this morning and the girl that filled my meds was new and it shouldn't have been filled like I thought.
    I explained my situation, and since I have to go back to Atlanta today because I was so high I had to come straight home they said they would refund me.

    I told them keep the money.
    (Truth is I'm too scared to go back there).

    I was so sober- thinking about buisness, not drugs, highs, scoring dope-now I feel like I'm at day 1.
    I am so so sad, depressed, heck I'm even more lonely than normal. And I'm coming down.
    I do have to drive back to go to the bank of America tower- a few minutes from this place, but they can keep the money.
    Do I start my clock back over?
    I'm sorry everyone. It really was an accident...I wouldn't even believe that from an ex addict. But it was.
  2. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    my opinion is that it was a 100% mistake and you should not punish yourself because someone else is a complete dumbass. you have recognized the mistake, admitted it, and hopefully threw that **** down the toilet. no harm no foul. i have heard so many opinions from different people over the years. I stopped using drugs but drink and thats ok...if it is prescribed from a doctor its ok to take...if i do it every once in a while and control it its ok. the only opinion that matters is your own. if you feel like you fucked up(which i dont think you did) then find a way to forgive yourself and move on. you know we cant swim in our thoughts we will drown for sure. i am so sorry that this happened. i think its complete bullshit and that lady should be fired. excuse my language but it fires me up!!!!
  3. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I think it was poor judgement to go to that pharmacy but I haven't been there in so long its the only one I remembered how to get to so there I went.
    I won't go back, and I didn't flush it because I threw it out the window before I got home.
    I don't feel guilty for using- just depressed that it happened.
    Thanks for your response.
  4. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I don't believe that messes up your sobriety. Remember it's what sobriety means to us is what matters and you didnt mean too so that cant count against you.
  5. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    amen.
    True concern and Joshstillclean like this.
  6. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Thanks guys. By getting this put there Im also kind of eliminating the chances of me letting it happen again today.
    I do feel weak right now. Its been a very long time since I felt that.
    And I have to admit I liked it. If I don't then I might do it again.
    And that WOULD mess up my sober time.
    Thanks
  7. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I can understand that brother. That sucks you felt those same feelings that got us here but I know your stronger than that push it out of your mind and stay positive my friend.
    True concern and Joshstillclean like this.
  8. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Will do. I'm gonna guzzle some coffee and shower and get on with my day.
    amillie412 and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  9. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    Oh man. I would say that does not mess up your sobriety because you didn't conscientiously do this. If you wanted to get high, that is a different story. I watch the TV show, Mom and they are in AA and the accidentally ate marijuana cookies and they were all freaking out for the same reason you are that they lost all their sober time. The oldest AA member who was not involved told them not to worry for the same reason I just told you. Just be very careful now to watch your urges since it got in your system but you will be fine. Keep all of us around you. You can call me as you have my number.
  10. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Thank you.
    It took a long time for cravings to go away. Im scared this will bring them all back. They were the worst. Uugghh.
    True concern and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Hell no you leave your sober time at 2 years,it was an honest mistake,one you can't allow to alter your life.Head Up Move Forward.Your ok my friend, your just human
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    You won't get high again because you made a mistake and you love your son to much to play around, simple mistake,move on
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  13. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I was told by you thanks for keeping it real-not verbatim- about your uncle.
    Now I'm telling you the same thing.
    "He'll no. You keep your time at two years..." thanks bro. Sounds like something I would say to someone I knew well- or had just my net honestly.
    But I like your blunt no question about it answer to my self pity question.
    Thanks.
    True concern likes this.
  14. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I love you man
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  15. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Love you too.
    And if just like to say that I said that to someone I genuinely loved at the grocery store today.
    A guy. But I love him-not like I loved my wife of course...he looked around to see if anyone heard and walked away.
    Well @Onceaddicted77 @True concern and a few other "men" I love you.
    What is wrong with this?
    Brotherly love man- I wouldn't say it to another mans wife- isms say it to my mom, my wife...you get it.
    I think its not "manly" to be afraid to admit love to slow one.
    True concern and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  16. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Nothing wrong at all brother I love you too. We should all have love for our fellow brothers and sisters blood or not
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  17. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    My sentiment exactly, I did not say it as a joke
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Still no word on my uncle so I'm emotional here lately but ya I meant it,I don't care what society deems ok or acceptable, I'm me and this is who I am,a loud,loving,caring,fighting,sometimes stupid,ignorant, screaming,forgetful,Bi-polar person....yep that's me lol
  19. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Nor did I take it as a joke. I knew you meant it.
    So sorry to hear no news about your uncle.
    True concern likes this.
  20. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Sorry to hear that man. I pray everything works out ok
    True concern likes this.