I am so fed up with myself, and my actions. I relapsed a few days ago, my cravings were so out of control. obsessive thoughts, just a loop in my brain. I caved. Ive used drugs since I was 13...Ive had some significant trauma in my life. I started using drugs to numb the pain, to act out, to distinguish myself? I wanted to be an adult. I’m now 27, and I can’t think of anything more horrible lol. My addiction has derailed me in life. I take 3 steps forward, and 2 back. i’ve done all the drugs- street to prescription... but, my favorite are whip its. Plot twist right??? I’m super ashamed of this nasty habit of mine. Like I could rationalize myself doing a bump in the bathroom of a party... but, sucking gas out of a whip cream canister by the 100s.. alone... in my room. NOT OKAY. My whip it addiction happened when I tried substituting the xanax i was used to taking at night. I didn’t have a script because When i did i literally took a xanax to do ANYTHING. After quitting those briefly I started dabbling again.. but, the street xanax scared me. I didn’t like the idea of pressed pills or something laced with fentynal. Anyway, it’s addiction is the bottom line. Whip it’s to me are like a form of self harm. I scared myself so badly because I huffed myself into auditory hallucinations. Ive reached out for help, but I need all the support I can get. I know I have to remove the toxicity from my life— but, it’s like me. I’m the one that is behaving poorly! So, how do I save me from myself?