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So hard even hanging out with friends

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by aimeep80, Mar 27, 2016.

  1. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    My husband slipped up the other night after being sober for a month. We were invited to a friends barbeque and the friend was drinking so my husband decided to drink too. I didn't want to go because of the alcohol and even told hubby to explain to them that he is sober and he said he would be okay.

    I knew it would happen. I can't be worrying though. Nothing I can do. He hasn't drank since but I just keep wondering if it is going to get back into a daily thing now. Addiction sucks so bad. I love him and worry about him. Just want him sober and healthy.
  2. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    Sorry this happened @aimeep80! My husband had a binge over the weekend too. It really sucks to see it coming, but be powerless to do anything about it. Hopefully he will get back on track. Mine agreed to go back to AA at least once a week. But that is what he always does for a while :( Hang in there!
    aimeep80 likes this.
  3. monty

    monty Active Contributor

    I can understand what is going on you how difficult is this for you If you’re looking to get your husband clean and sober or just thinking about it, reading is a good way to learn about recovery. You can start with two books from LifeRing Press: Empowering Your Sober Self – a general introduction to LifeRing, and Recovery by Choice, a Workbook – a guide to help you and your husband build an abstinence-based Personal Recovery Program. For those people who want a better understanding of how a LifeRing meeting works you can read How Was Your Week. All three of these books are available at the LifeRing bookstore. overcome from this tough situation
    Don't give up.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  4. Joethefirst

    Joethefirst Community Champion

    I think it really depends on how he felt the next day, if he didn't enjoy it, it might even reinforce his commitment to stopping. Just carry on giving him support, if he has been clean till now, then it means that he really want's to put the addiction to the side.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  5. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    Encouragement and support will help him stay away from alcohol as the time goes. It would look as if you don't want to tell him what to do but you can give him assistance strategically so that it wouldn't hurt his ego since he thinks he has it all under control.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @aimeep80... Sorry to hear that your husband slipped. Hopefully he will want to get back on the right path again. Just remember what Al-Anon teaches: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you big hugs.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  7. djolem

    djolem Senior Contributor

    Maybe he realized that he can drink occasionally and be okay with it. I really hope for the best and that he won't make it a habit again. I have some experiences like this that might give you a sense of hope actually. Some of my close friends had similar problems and the same thing happened. Their family, in this case, went through a hell when after some sober time they decided to drink like your husband did, but a surprise for them was that they never got back to their old selves. I am talking about two of my friends and I was really happy when I heard from them and their family. Hope that your husband will act like this. Best luck.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  8. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    I understand your worry. But things like this happen to the best of us. He hasn't touched alcohol since that day right? I think that it's a good sign. Just keep on supporting him on his recovery and always remind him that staying sober and healthy is what he should be focusing on right now. I wish you both the best.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  9. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    You are quite right Mara, we need to focus on the positive things, on the small improvements, because those small signs are the indicator that things are changing.
    Mara and aimeep80 like this.
  10. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    People often slip. What's important however is what they do next. You husband may have slipped @aimeep80 but what really matters now is doing whatever you can to convince him not to drink again. The fact that he had some alcohol doesn't mean that now all is lost. He should just get up and continue fighting.

    Never give up everyone has bad days. pick yourself up and keep going.
    Unknown quotes
    aimeep80 likes this.
  11. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    1 slip up isn't the end of sobriety.
    In fact I find sometimes the reaction to that slip up hurts more then the mistake itself.
    Don't make your reaction a reason he might start drinking again.
    Chalk it up as one mistake and move on.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  12. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    He didn't go back into drinking that's good. Don't loose hope at least he didn't go on a binge. I think as long as he stays away from drinking for now on he'll be okay. One drink can't stop someone who is determined to change.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  13. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    He slipped up. Don't lose hope in him. He probably thought he could handle the situation but now he realizes that he can't put himself in those situations. He just isn't there yet. Just keep encouraging him and supporting him through this. Just because he slipped doesn't mean he will go back to where he was. Saying a prayer for you and your husband.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  14. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    One thing to be cheerful about is that your husband was sober for one month, that's an amazing first step! Be there for him and put your foot down in situations like this, he'll appreciate it in the future. Good luck!
    aimeep80 likes this.
  15. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    We all slip and we all fall down, but what is more important is that we have the capacity to stand up on our two feet and start walking, being down doesn't help anyone.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  16. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    Thank you all so much for the replies. He does this a lot (slips up) and as a food addict I can surely understand. I get upset and sad but how can I when I am an addict of sorts as well only with something different. I just want better for him but no I can't control it at all. He drank 2 nights in a row and almost 3 nights but I told him he should sit down and think about what hes doing and he did and he opted to not drink. So it was a 2 night binge I guess..he got pretty wasted.

    I honestly do not think he wants to stop drinking. I really think that he is afraid I will leave if he doesn't stop drinking and I am not going anywhere unless it gets to the point of no return. I mean..I have to have faith in him. He's on his day off today and tomorrow so I'm wondering if he will drink today. I feel he probably will. Anyway, thank you all again. Hugs to all.
    oportosanto likes this.
  17. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    It takes an addict to understand another, only those who have been there know it. At the same time you are speaking the truth, most likely he doesn't want to stop drinking...
    aimeep80 likes this.
  18. tgthewriter1

    tgthewriter1 Member

    I agree to that statement. Alcoholics be doing some stupid stuff that makes no sense. They tend to yell and cause a lot of problems. Do not try to provoke an alcoholic because alcoholics tend to get very dangerous when they are mad. I think you should continue to prevent your husband from drinking alcohol. If you can not control your self, you need to quit.
  19. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    When we drink we forget about social norms and rules, it's like they don't exist, so our behavior get's totally messed up and we are better off unprovoked.
  20. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Dear OP, no worries. If he hasn't done that ever since that day... then no worries. I am a former alcoholic, and I can still manage having one or two drinks once a year or more. Of course my situation is difference... I got my gallbladder removed and my body can no longer handle alcohol so well, plus I no longer find it as nice as before. But this is also possible because my view of alcoholic drinks have changed... When you do it socially and in moderation (as long as is not every week or every month) all is ok, if having one drink enhances your social experience, then it's ok :)