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So lost

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by littlescared, Apr 28, 2017.

  1. littlescared

    littlescared Member

    About 5 years ago I found out that my now 30 year old son is addicted to Meth. I don't know how long exactly that he has been using but that is when I found out about it. He has stolen from my parents he has threatened my mother I had to call the police and he now has a permanent restraining order against him from her. He believes Hitler is still alive and he believes all the brainwashing on the internet, he was pretty scary at times he would say really creepy things and he believed that something was after him and he had voices in his head telling him what to do. I truly believed that the last time he was in jail for almost two years that he would stay clean and I was there every week to see him in jail went to all his courts and I put him a place to live when he got out of jail cause he had nothing. He sold everything of any value just to get high. He got a job and that lasted for 6 months and then he said the job was making him sick and that he needed to get healthy like he was in jail so he quit his job. He started to show signs like he was using again, the weight loss he must weigh 70 pounds if even that he stays awake and is very frigidity. He says he sees my daughter it breaks my heart all over again because I lost my daughter two years ago. (Not to drugs she was the complete opposite of my son) I had to leave work a couple of times cause he said he was having a heart attack I would get him to the emergency room and he would test positive for the meth. I told him that I couldn't help him if he was going to do the drug he promised that he would never touch it again. I guess I didn't help him any because he said he needed gas in his truck and he was hungry and I bought his phone minutes. I would give him $50.00-$80.00 a week so he could eat and put gas so I believed that's what he was doing with the money and all of sudden he sent me a text saying that he was leaving my house and not coming back because he was going to try to get better. I told him to be careful and to not cut me off. Well he looks really bad and I asked him again if he was using and he said no but he went into a ditch and damaged his truck camper shell. He asked if he could park in the front of the house for a week and he said he was going to sell his truck buy a bunch of meth and kill himself. I know he said that because I didn't ask him to come back into the house. He was angry with me and he sent me another text that was heart breaking he told me I was money hungry and I never cared about him he was just a pawn he was never my son and I never showed him love or affection and he was done he never had any family and he still doesn't. He said he has no family. I'm worried about him but I can't ask him to come back because he is doing the drugs and I can't give him anymore money because he is not using it to eat. I feel like I'm contributing to his habit and I refuse to work hard and have my hard earned money spent on drugs. I'm tired and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost because he is lost. I don't know how to help him anymore I'm so scared for him. Any advice would be appreciated or please tell me anyone if what I'm doing is wrong I just don't know I'm at my wits end.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @littlescared... Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about your son's struggles with meth, but I'm glad you reached out to us and shared your story. Believe me when I tell you that you're not alone. And you are absolutely doing the right thing by not giving your son money or asking him to come back and live in your home. Doing either of those things would just be enabling him (making it much easier for him to continue his life of addiction).

    Al-Anon and Nar-Anon say this about a loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Those are some of the truest words ever written. It's maddening at times, but it doesn't matter how much you want a loved one to quit using drugs and find recovery; they are the only person who can make that happen. Your son is an adult and he has to take responsibility for his actions. You can tell him you'll be supportive if he chooses to get help for his addiction; but his problem is not yours to fix.

    It's normal for us to worry about an addicted loved one, but you have to be careful not to become addicted to your son's addiction. If you allow that to happen, you will suffer mentally and physically. It's super important for you to take good care of yourself. Self-care isn't being selfish; it's absolutely essential when dealing with a loved one's addiction.

    If you've never been to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting, I definitely suggest you find one in your area and attend. It can be very helpful and comforting to be around others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling. I also recommend a book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for parents and partners of people struggling with addiction and it's full of incredibly helpful information. It will help you communicate with your son better, understand his problem better, and teach you why taking care of YOU is so important.

    There are some other books out there that could help, too. I wrote about some of my favorites in this blog:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    We are here to offer help and support to you, my friend. Please know that you can reach out anytime you feel the need. In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of positivity and hugs full of hope. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers, too. As the father of an adult son who has battled addiction off and on for more than a dozen years, I understand the pain you're feeling. But always remember: YOUR life matters, too.
    gemini777 likes this.
  3. littlescared

    littlescared Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words, you don't know how much of a relief it is to finally talk to someone that truly understands. Thank you for all the hugs and prayers and I'm sorry to hear about your son to. I also want to thank you for suggesting the books I'm going to purchase a couple of them and maybe they will give me some insight as to what he is going through. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you and your son as well and to all the families that are struggling with addiction. Thank you so much for letting me join your group.
    gemini777 and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    You are very welcome, @littlescared. You are not alone, my friend.
  5. Drandolph

    Drandolph Member

    Im not sure if this will make you feel better or not.
    My bf is a meth addict new to recovery (5 months ).
    I met his mother 6 mo after we started dating. She moved from ca to Idaho when he was 19.
    He has always stated that she chose men over him and didn't love him
    I was not easily swayed. .
    In the years ive been with him?his mother still does not know what she did to make him so angry..
    He comes from a good family.
    He got into drugs and he needed someone to blame..
    He doesnt call or text her unless he needs financial help.
    I am aware when he had to relocate on 5/16 due to the landlord selling the property? She asked me if it was true? I stated yes so she sent him 2500.
    She told him he needed to get his life together and be good to me because I had my head on straight.
    He found a cheap studio to rent and blew 1500 on meth.
    After speaking to his mom? She stated she gave him 1500.00 when we first met to pay me back for the car I Sold him?
    I told her I never sold him the car I gave it to him so he would not have to ride his bike. She was so hurt.
    So in December 4th 2016? She called me at 1 pm asking me if I knew her son was in jail? I told her I had not seen him since 12/3 at 5 pm and I just got a call from a bail bonds man.
    And he got picked up for dope and my bf said I would pay his bail?nope. I hung up. She was so strong. She said her son sounded crazy on the phone and lied about the charges.
    She told him she was not going to give him money to get out possibly skip bail and she was stuck with the thing she ever did for her son.
    5 months later? She visited 3 weeks ago and they hugged and shared a moment.
    You are right for not a mother as well. I know how hard it is but we need to think of the better good and remind ourselves to ask ourselves the questions we need to ask. You are hungry?buy him the food...he needs gas?follow him to the gas station..
    Never give cash or gift cards...
    I wish you the best
    gemini777 likes this.