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Sober Meth Addict Hearing Voices

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by EndorsesJeans, Feb 24, 2020.

  1. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    Anyways is a bunch of crap. I am not Ill in the head and I have no thoughts or behaviors that would be concerning to anyone. I am forced to hear and experience something concerning and that is about it.

    I do not need any more discomfort , pain or distress than I already have naturally. It’s something that I would of had a hard time with anyways . I also do not need any disadvantages as far as my ability to process information and concentrate. It was already a huge disadvantage.

    Someone or a group of people had it in their heads that I fit into a certain group of people when I really did not do anything wrong. Who am I taking about ? No one will ever know . It could be people at work, it could be someone else .. As I reference this in a vague way it will be hard to interpret.

    Then I have my one thing that I should enjoy and not have any orgelman with. It’s interfering with my ability to work and also make sure other people’s lives Will not be obstructed by my own reactions to a voice that will not relent and see reason. They do not care about the average hard working American that is there only to survive just like me and has all the rights that I do. I would bring them to court with me as friends if I could prove anything but I have long since accepted that it will never happen.

    What will happen is. Eventually in my life we will see a technology that resembles this and I will definitely try to sit down with someone and try to explain my past experience and plight .

    Since I will never touch anything illegal and have no immoral behaviors why would I even worry ? I am not worried. I am concerned and I am trying to dispose of any stress or complaining in my head before or perhaps If it got out of hand .

    It was careless enough to torment me into doing METH. That could of killed me and other people . Regardless of the fact it is bad I had to go through the trauma naturally along with other medical issues. Why would it need to be any worse ?

    I had no craving for a year and I certainly do not think about it or search for it. It’s disgusting that a person should do that. I may have convinced a person to try drugs over a short period of time but I never had to torment or torture them into a position where they had to think about it and be left vulnerable doing it.

    I will make sure I remember how cruel a certain group of people are. They are no better than me or anyone else. They would be worse

    I will not retaliate or even talk openly about it. I will not have any agendas or set political beliefs. I will be either neutral or just go about my life as I have been . This next generation will see a big change and I doubt they being controlled. I also doubt they have very many issues that resemble the previous generations.
  2. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    [​IMG] It’s not me that has an issue with any real problem. There is no issue,

    I also maintain the same view in real life . Did anyone have a problem with me ? Probably not

    This is the paradox

    Even my brain does not it cannot think about any of the stupid stuff going through it . It’s like having a mentally retardeer kid bouncing around up there. He has a huge little erection and he just saw a little Teddy Bear laying in a ball pit.
    My real living brain works just fine. It’s only voices and noise right ? Yup but that can violate someone just like I could violate someone quicker than **** if I just let lose and used tactful ways of exploiting people’s weaknesses. It would drive someone to violence if I really wanted . Should try ? Would it be right ?
  3. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    Cause I am crazy and no one needs to feel it or see it but me. Give it a rest for awhile . Unrelenting ? As if I would magically be careful just because I would display characteristics that would keep me on track ? Not true. It’s painful and there is no other Way2Go live without disrupting my life horribly. Why put others through pain and difficulty . What about those who care about me ?
  4. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    It’s probably time to go s”away. It’s not illegal to be mentally ill and it’s also my problem and my problem only . My life needs to be left alone forever . Just because you have an invisible beam and think it’s indirect does not mean you are not guilty of causing trauma. If I did this would it set an example ? What if was not against the law but I could contort and control others. Make them crazy with some force that was perfectly legal.
  5. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    No it’s stupid as I would never have done anything wrong anyways . If I do something wrong I risk this getting worse , hearing about it or having future episodes plus more.

    If I do not do anything wrong it keeps on going anyways but apparently I am suppose to feel like I am in a position where I have to answer do something ? This is Stupid

    I no longer want my body head messed with. It’s causing damaging emotional distress and unnatural unhealthy feelings .. As far as not allowing me to have healthy natural feelings because I am in a perpetual state of torment.

    I do not have the problem I just have to deal with it. After years it’s getting sick

    Then when and if they go away. They will use buzzing, beams and feelings that still go on and persist even though I am a perfect example of a human being who needs something other than a tormenting military technology.

    I predicted it..
  6. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    Plus why tell me if it will quit ? Keep on going or why it is doing something ? Would it matter ? Not to me ! Why even try explaining it both ways ? Unless you want a negative reaction. So, If I act sanely like I have in a real life medium like day to day activities then what is wrong ? Is it me ? Apparently not ! It’s just something that a doctor has already told me is not my issue .

    I have even been as clever as to write notes, play around with the options it provides just so it seems that much redundant and stupid. It makes me literally smile and nod most of the day. So when and definitely when the big hurt and trouble comes as a result of this and not my own bad behavior what will be the point ? Impairing someone so they cannot sleep , drive properly , use the restroom , have a normal connection with a human being . All are very important in the evolution of a person in life as a whole. We learn and grow as we go through life. My only issue was drugs and I should of never have been persecuted for being an addict because I felt like that anyways . Plus why go against medical advise and make it harder to be healthier. No one will get hurt and I will not harm myself . I cannot think about it account for any amount of information that would make me feel bad.

    My final response is.. If you are doing this then you are in control over how much torment you give me. So I will ignore it as much as possible . I want it to stop and I do not want anything to do with making me feel or condone anything involving this.

    You are in the wrong.. Using technology for the purposes of taking human life or making people hurt. It hurts no matter what you do docent keep going ? I can hardly stand at work . Is there permanent side effects ? What if I had to be paralyzed or have a rare disability that makes this 1000 times worse. What would justify that ?

    What are you stopping , helping or doing ? Is it justified ?

    I never did any terrorist activity you just had to flag me based on words, search engine history and a few other things which I can do any time . I’d rather go back to that kind of life instead of listening to this .

    The only thing I want to hear 1 time and 1 time only is nothing . Human brains are not meant to be handled like this . You are responsible for leaving me alone because I will effect others and you are trying to make it more intense . Why ?

    I do not want to participate and want to hear nothing so I can resume life with no adulteration. I cannot even adjust poisonous medications to see how they effect me without not feeling my body and brain. It’s not human

    Even I stopped my behavior on my own for the sake of everyone involved. It was the same behavior that countless others do the only difference is.. They likely did not try to have an outlet to talk about something traumatic or life altering. It was better than commuting the deed. What am I taking about ? Nothing .. I did not do anything wrong .
  7. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    My whole day and life. I have an obsession about this guy named Paul. I want to feel his beard in my mouth and we might try to get married .

    For now we are Arch Enenies because he harasses me non stop 24 hours a day . Ohhh My. It’s like he is only thinking of getting me. It’s so crazy and profound that I sit here and just cannot restcategorie being intimidated by Paul. He hold supreme power over me .


    I actually have very reasonable feelings and emotions and hope and wish him well. It would be nice toverij together . That is how my mentality is. It seems so annoying to hear this that it’s almost a fucking but case of a scenario. It’s like hearing a voice telling me that a Black Hole will swallow the earth and believing it. It’s to stupid.

    A person that poses no threat or risk to me at all. But can cause enough displeasure because he has a personality that would set anyone on edge. I could care less

    If I avoid him I will hear about it . If I work with him I will hear about it. Why is it such a huge deal to the stupid regard sex video voices in my head.
  8. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

  9. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    My time and what I do with it is no ones concern. I am going to rock my own world with thoughts about Paul and just go Nanners Nuts. After months of brain washing I am doing it of my own free will.

    I still want this to stop all together. Get the **** out of here forever . Why bother me in the first place ? Either leave me alone or take me out !
  10. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

  11. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    For my own mental health and sobriety I have been instructed to use humor and also to frequently masturbate . I was prescribed an automatic Male toy to help get the job done . Also have to eventually find one to stimulate the prostate that is horribly infected.
  12. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    No comment .
    Good Night & Good Day Tomorrow.
  13. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I don’t cause problems . That would be stupid to assume preciest anoit anything but my health and how my life is turning out. I already have a priority on my job and if that did not work out then I would certainly need a doctor to help me get disability .

    Right now this is leaving me 100% disabled. I do not even have to guess if this stupid crap comes from my brain or not . I always just kind of lied, joked about or talked about stupid stuff on the internet. As if it was happening and as if I had something to offer. This is why it is hard to accept

    Voices singing stupid songs in my head followed my dreams that are tight among the borderline of being unpleasant .

    I do not want stuff in my head that does not belong there. Human have a certain way of processing stuff and I am never even as cruel or hyper to even get a mentality that would be this out of control.

    It tries to mimic what I have typed on the internet and not what I have said on real life.

    It also tastiest me when it wants and never lets me get a full night of resting sleeping. Bobine can go through life like this and expect to sane , healthy and spiritually intact. It’s going to even effect me until I die.

    I garbages strange changes In perception and can feel a beam move slowly across my head hitting various parts. I have told them about my nervous system and lain issues but they do not care.

    I cannot listen to or enjoy music . I can hardly enjoy a movie anymore because they seem distant as if I cannot even watch them. I have gone through enough torture for any adult to handle. I wish it would stop giving me bad advice and stop talking about trivial stuff that is unhealthy and inaccurate . It messes with my real brain which is perfectly normal as far as judging it from a real world perspective, it Messes with my memories and it’s starting to bed stuff. I could care less what it knows about my life because it’s not important to me. I have nothing to hide and have a very huge story that I had never even typed on here. It has to many accusations and assumptions that sound violent and angry but are passive and bland .

    Please Stop this madness .

    Who would even go through or experience these problems unless you are visiting a military base and just so happen to piss off the wrong people . I could care less as long as they leave me out of it.

    It’s changing me from a person who was polite , patient , humble and willing to work well with others into a person that is impatient . Sour, is starting to think just a little bit in terms of extremes. It’s messing with a subconscious that needed nothing more than a little bit of straightening out. It makes no sense and it is careless. It should not even be that important.

    I should not be able to hide from something and have only a few Luca rooms on earth where I can get relief. This I am certain about and will visit someplace eventually that resembles this .
  14. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    If they are trying to find a reason to do this then I bet you anything that they cannot even give me a reason.

    We are trying to keep you from making a bad decision ! Example ?

    If I did make one why would it justify this much torment ? If I did deserve it why not let me sleep or at least relent ? And when is it over with ? If my brain is being complexed about trivial paranoia and vague suggestions why ? For no other purpose than to distract or cause irritation ?

    How long must I go through this and be singled out from people who do not use the internet but whom use and sell drugs ?

    You must have a few problems with my personal life and choices. Did you ever ask yourself if it got to personal and to protective ? Did you ever re evaluate your reasons ? When you did what was the issue ?

    What if things where not my choice but some one else’s. Why would I be guilty and not them ? Am I special ?

    All these answers I do not even have to meditate on. I am just a regular person who can usually operate obve average .

    It’s effecting my intelligence because I noticed a long drop in important things like spelling .

    And if as you claim all of which is not even true. You claim that you do not think I have what it takes to have a normal brain in society ? Why would it help to have a brain that is set on a path of negativity and destruction ?

    All of this is not my problem and I will be not even slightly concerned once I push the send button . I am merely doing an ongoing dialogue because that is how basic communication works.

    You think I cannot resist the temptation not to post ? That would be a child game because I know I can do as I please. I also have the right to not speak to a doctor or a professional about any of this.

    So I am making a Vow. I am not going to bring that much of my past up or any problems unless they refer to current day activities such as work, interests , hobbies and casual conversations. It Will make it my life’s ambition to not submit to something that does not care about innocent people and uses a real human being as a weapon to disrupt ordinary life.
  15. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    It’s time to quit but it’s likely to keep in going. I have not even had a single incident since all this started that would even make me concerned about much of anything aside from what is happening to me physically.

    Blurred vision or droopy muscles in the face. Pain from not being able to use the restroom. If anyone knows about that fact then they are more inhumane than anyone I have ever met in my life. There has been blood, tears and sweat just because of me and what I supposedly did on the internet ? That would not make sense to anyone . Even right now when it is turned down low is still something that is not necessary at all. It would not prevent me from doing anything that would concern anyone and it would not protect anything. It would be a senseless act of what they supposedly are trying to torment someone for. The only difference is I never would intentionally harm anyone and even if I tried I would never follow through with it. I have never committed any acts of violence and have never really experienced that much violence . I have never been in any situation where my brain would even use or reference anything sexual of a nature where I would have to hear about it in an auditory fashion. It’s basically pure Evil

    To think that there are people out there who have the power to even commit such crimes is very disheartening. It almost makes me want to be hit by something that limits my emotional ability and distracts me from reality.

    I certainly did a few things that where not anyone’s concern or problem but my own. I certainly have reasons and excuses . I will certainly do something that it has talked about but it would never be something they would worry themselves with.

    If we put this much time into the destruction of one individual then I would rather see technology and weapons in the hands of people who do not have anything to do with Evil. It’s like having a person repeatedly torture the innocent in concentration camps for no reason at all. It might be orders but that makes it even worse. It just shows you how far people will go when they are lead down a path that is not justified. If I got payed to do it to another human would I be involved ? I might of at the beginning but when you factor In humanity and a persons ability to feel compassion for someone else I would certainly have moral objections and ask to do something else .
  16. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I actually do not care what beliefs or delusions I have. It’s not hurting anyone else and I never got in the way or tried to oppose anyone’s view points. I might of argued my side but it was never my business to impose my will onto another person. I also never forced anyone to do anything that they did not have full control over as far as what they knew would hurt or harm them.

    I would rather not hear anything at all in terms of a voice. My head would of worked perfectly fine. I think I am being punished if anything for being a person who is more than capable compared to others in regards to making choices. But that would still not make sense to anyone .

    Eventually we will see a technology that allows human to receive voices wirelessly. A form of signal or something that can effect how the brain processes information. It would be all 100% input. It’s nothing I want to je apart of and nothing that anyone is likely to believe .

    I will forget about it and stop talking about it and likely try to bring it up on rare occasions, Some professional will be interested because their are likely more and more reports of something that does not resemble any past illness or affliction. The stories will not add up

    A voice that is not stop dialogue that mimics what they believe to be true. It’s just a logic system that is powers by artificial intelligence once programmed can scrape things together . It’s no different than a bot.
  17. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    It is unhealthy.. Probably more unhealthy than searching the internet on how black market resources work.

    I have no idea how a certain person got information unless they tell mevrouw my face or I have a reliable source that is honest and worthy of taking advice.

    I might have glimmers of opinions in my head but I would never think that much about it in the first place ! What am I referring to ? Nothing at all

    Even if I was asked questions about this I would have to give them reasoning and it would not bother me at all. I just know for a fact that they treat mentally ill people who are capable of certain things in check now days. They take it seriously but I am very intuitive and also self aware of what is actually going on in my own head and it is nothing more than an irritant.

    I probably had reasons to be sick and think a certain way but they no longer apply. It’s not anything that I would care to disclose or get into unless I was sitting in one of those fancy offices with a shrink near by having him explain to me how psychology works. That is when they and me hit a dead end and they simply allow me to chose my own methods of treatment. Which is now above simply medicating my self . Overall health both physical and mental along with structure is all I need. If I added a few people , friends and family then I would have no real world worries .

    I currently do not get anxiety about the stuff I had been worked about previously because I am not being careless with my body. It was a lack of knowledge that came from a lifestyle where no one cares to address issues that might fix most people. I will carry around a few similar symptoms that resemble mental illness but it is my desire to have fewer problems as necessary. Effectiveness of certain thugs and using them later on in life would be better for me
  18. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

  19. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I do know that there will be 1 constant that I will know is 100% true. Actually a number of them that can explain this away no matter what I thought I experienced.

    I have done nothing wrong to deserve this. There are parts of my life that I will refuse to talk about. This is very true , Unless I chose to maybe type it on a forum and exaggerate the truth.

    I cannot change the past but can only make the future better for myself.

    I will always have and seek out the base concepts in life as far as knowledge and logic. The current events would be deemed as suspicious as far as a motive and what they tend to do . If they are trying to disrupt my day or my life then why would they show any concern ?

    I will not fall victim or chose to be victimized by a voice in my head. I will not be advocating anything or allowing it to change my life.
  20. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I can also jerk of and masturbate whenever I feel like it. I could probably avoid doing it at a location that is not as private . I have seen so many people rub one out in public . Who cares if it is private ? No one

    In fact if I ever required an Audience to watch me I am sure I could find a few people. It’s not really that difficult

    In my life I have had allot of sexual partners some make when I was younger but it was never emotional. It was just a sexual act and it meant nothing and I hardly have any memory of such events. It’s to long ago and not something I would care to even recollect.

    Female wise.. Probably around the early 2000’s I just was interested in member of the opposite sex. Does it define me ? Not at all

    Am I tormented by it ? Why ?

    Have I forgotten many incidents of consensual pleasure ? Yes I have forgotten nearly all of them . It’s just gone until someone else peaks my interest and we are both interested In one another . Do I have to explain this ? Hell no . I just prefer my brain to be ducking normal not retarded. I should pick and choose what I hear and what I put out into the world, And I do !