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Sober Meth Addict Hearing Voices

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by EndorsesJeans, Feb 24, 2020.

  1. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    I been away for a couple days , ill scan your posts ,to get how you are fairing as of late , i'm having computer issues but I wish you a great day .
    Yea Man!
    I cruise'd right around my local area in the car & stayed away from the lap-top.
    But
    That's a Va-K for me. LOL
    Seem's you are still battling with the same 'Ship' sorry to read that , as you do deserve peace.
    I Hope you get better asap & wish I had a magic wand to help you feel better. ...For Real.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Sorry I have no choice but to post in random threads as they have me tripped up with currently 12 different hacks for this site even as a moderator so this is the only way as I can't create ANY THREADS PERIOD. MANY APOLOGIES EDJ
    Davers likes this.
  3. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I no longer want this , need it or expect it to happen like it has. Maybe it’s different for other people but my life would be considerably shorter and also messed up if this kept on going on. Perhaps I am banned from this forum ?


    I do remember certain people responding to me who where unhealthy or trying to control me. Criminal usually could not accept no for an answer and would outlash. I can handle pretty much anything in regards to the day to day activities. It’s not like I was ever institutionalized.
  4. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion


    There are to many people in the world to be wondering what the president is doing. I would be more concerned with your peers and your neighbors . People will create connections with stuff that will hurt and harm them and others all the time. This is why news is so successful in getting people’s attention. They need a connection and while I am the same way I just do not search for it in politics or judging people .

    White lives matter so do black lives .

    What about Bill Cosby ?
    Davers likes this.
  5. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    Bill Cosby Cannot JELLO his dick In any more asses.
  6. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion


    What part of the country are you from Davers ? I am from the Mid West. Mental illness and also stress feel way worse up here than anywhere else. If the USS was flipped to be viewed up and down left and right. All the **** rises and all the crap lands west of the Missouri River right in the Black Hills.
  7. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    You guys really need to quit. I do not normally have a problem with much of anything. If I had a problem I would identify it and it would be a constant worry immediately for a long time. It would not focus on everything.

    You do not have my permission to sexually stimulate me with any degree of words or manipulation while I sleep. This is very srcuLly charged and it is changing my mind into one who is starting to get pornographic images . Never in my life have I ever had any problems with sex or pornographic images. Of o did have Mold obsession with sexual behavior then it is my choice, my business and it is disgusting and inhumane to think you can try to take that and mess with a persons head. Why would I have any shame about a biological process that every person in the world has ? Also why can you not leave me be when I need to take a **** or urinate.

    This is starting to cause pain that is to deep or concerning for any doctor to look at. It’s ficking up my vision when I wake up and the side effects are severe enough to cause life altering problems even if I take care of myself on a very important level .


    I am taking care of everything Andy’s my business. I am working and being a healthy sane and safe person. If you have a problem with me being on society then no one else wil ever know why . I cannot see a reason why a person cannot just move on and make a life that is happy and free of sickness .

    I should also be able to stay away from certain things without listening to it or hearing it. It’s not my problem and I am not doing anything wrong. This is getting very sick and while I could just be silent I just like to post my quick opinion.


    Stop before you wreck my life and cost other people unnecessary amount of time or attention. I will fight this with a smil om my face until the day I die .


    I will also ignore it until I die and stay true to my own self , I have very strong ethics and Christian principles that alllows me to have pure thoughts and plans.


    I even asked a important pastor once who dealt with the mentally ill. They might of heard a voice very rarely but they could always almost always tell something to leave them alone or work and get better. I am seeing doctors , being healthy, drinking water . Changed certain food intake

    So I did my part. What is your problem and what is your part ? I am home and this is a peaceful place.
  8. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I have been pretty out of it and wish I had some clarity so I could tell people how I feel and what is going on.


    My brain just cannot live like it did anymore and i am doing all I can to stay sober so not only I am healthy but others as well . I will and would prefer a brain that is peaceful.

    I cannot talk to anyone about most things without trying them and this is something I am no longer apart of. But need to resolve because it is wrecking my life.

    My body and brain want to be in sober and sane.

    It looks like a long road ahead but I need to make it easier and can only do so much . My brain feels Adled and I am avoid all things that will mess it up,


    In eat and drink weird stuff but enjoy it . I kiatcwamt life to resume where I can have my freedom back
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I apologize EDJ last night I was typing not necessarily to you,rather I was just venting some of my own frustrations and they landed on your thread.Again my sincerest apologies and I pray life gets better for you,me,and everyone else out there struggling. Stay Strong and God bless you
    Davers likes this.
  10. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    I been away for a couple days , ill scan your posts ,to get how you are fairing as of late , i'm having computer issues but I wish you a great day .
    Yea Man!
    I cruise'd right around my local area in the car & stayed away from the lap-top.
    But
    That's a Va-K for me. LOL
    Seem's you are still battling with the same 'Ship' sorry to read that , as you do deserve peace.
    I Hope you get better asap & wish I had a magic wand to help you feel better. ...For Real.
    I'm up in North Ga , is OK here but the 'Grass is always Greener' as they say .

    I like to live up your way (I think ) ,like Montana , & maybe E , Washington ST , Colorado may be nice .

    Or Fl would be OK , central FL , near where my Mom is buried . Or Say Vermont , Maine ? I'd like .

    Hope to retire , or live one of these places someday .

    Time will tell .
    GD EDJ
  11. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    His huge flacid penis resembles a shriveled up elephant trunk but miniaturized. She was scared and had to flee with a basket of soap and carrots.
  12. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    The forum is jacked up and will only allow you to post about Mormons. They collect abandoned tokens and try to deter any people from entering Zion.
  13. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    I been away for a couple days , ill scan your posts ,to get how you are fairing as of late , i'm having computer issues but I wish you a great day .
    Yea Man!
    I cruise'd right around my local area in the car & stayed away from the lap-top.
    But
    That's a Va-K for me. LOL
    Seem's you are still battling with the same 'Ship' sorry to read that , as you do deserve peace.
    I Hope you get better asap & wish I had a magic wand to help you feel better. ...For Real.
    I'm up in North Ga , is OK here but the 'Grass is always Greener' as they say .

    I like to live up your way (I think ) ,like Montana , & maybe E , Washington ST , Colorado may be nice .

    Or Fl would be OK , central FL , near where my Mom is buried . Or Say Vermont , Maine ? I'd like .

    Hope to retire , or live one of these places someday .

    Time will tell .
    GD EDJ
    Interesting point you got there EDJ .:)

    Here's wishing you a peaceful day & night.
    Later said Daver
  14. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I know how to beat this but I am really more concerned and have a stronger desire to focus on other things. It would be a huge excuseert say that this is holding me back. If I am held back right now then I will be holding myself back in the future.

    I just need a certain level of peace to be content and I need my imagination to sooth some of my ideas, creations and inspirations into real life strategies and scenarios that makes life .. Well, Life !

    I have not been able to listen to any music hardly at all. I have been trying to for over a year now and it has not worked out well at all. Along with this is my personality, It is built upon previous experiences with other people in similar scenarios. Plus many other variables that makes it almost impossible for me to evolve into a natural human being.

    We spend over 1/3 of our lives sleeping and if I cannot get contentment and rest when sleeping then inwilligen be literally ducked when it comes to my brain and my happiness . I have strange aches and pains and some of them like my ass hole worry me.

    I had chronic constipation and it had gotten to the point where I can use the bathroom every other day. I was having moments where a dry hard bowl movement produced adequate amounts of blood. Enough to run down my hand which was in the proximity for a short time . Then stuff healed up and it feels painful and radiates down my leg and frequently causes standing pain. Hopefully it is a nerve cluster or an infection but I am not to worried.

    I just need that clean bill of health to start popping up. I need to motivate myself and have that happy dialogue I once had. I have not had it since I was 21-23. But I remember being very set on waking up before everyone else.

    I will always have an attitude where I think and want things to be about myself. But I am aware that I am not the only person to consider when it comes to life. So I am being more considerate and humble. Things irritate me allot less as if they do not matter or they will iron themselves out by themselves. This does not mean I do not need to be prepared though.

    I have sexual thoughts and feelings but they are not that relevant. I figure if anything happens between me and another person then it is private. Just as it always was

    I never talked about that stuff or spread nasty talk around unless I was bragging on the internet a very long time ago. It was a Highschool era thing to mark down and record all of my sexual conquests. Not a concern or very relevant and I definitely could be with pretty much a wide variety of women. I just have no time for that.

    Money will be a huge and primary focus as I het healthy and figure stuff out. I will need to find something that offers better pay and has more to offer. I might need to move even .

    Then as far as anger and issues.. I can get exasperated by feelings of stress and anxiety but they have to be very targeted and also a very rare situation. Normally I can get out and deal with these issues as they occur but sometimes there is no option. But the thing is. Why would I hear yelling non stop until I feel shitty ? It makes no sense because my brain is not wired that way. I just het confused and feel empty.

    My mental health is stable as far as what I am aware of and what I have control over and I do not plan on adjusting anything or making abrupt changes. If something bad happens then I can get the luxury to do something else or take a smaal break.

    I might talk to this like I need it to leave me alone but it not a forethought. I just dislike feeling or hearing stupid ****.

    Even when a person is directly aggressive I will avoid conflict for purposes of not getting into a moral or legal dilemma. Also to avoid injury both physical and mental

    The people around be factor into all of this as well because they will have opinions and I just assume they have other stuff to worry about.

    As I sit here on the toilet it’s hitting my head right now. Let’s throw a parade and shot off some fireworks.
    Davers likes this.
  15. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I suppose this is the end of this forum. It no longer allows me to post

    A few things I am looking forward to especially if I can get myself feeling back to normal as I fight to regain my life back .
    Having peace
    Being healthy enough to not have many problems at all. My life has been kind of not healthy and now I am set on it. Water made a huge difference.
    I’d like to listen to music again. It takes inspiration and concentration for mevrouw daydream while listening.
    Artwork and hobbies, I have always liked to do pretty much anything any this has taken the pleasure and joy out of nearly all things.

    It’s gotten better but my physical pain has gotten worse. It’s almost bad enough to where it is difficult to stand. I’d hate for it to be in my ass hole but I am not concerned that much .

    Knowing and meeting people on a connection that involves no drugs. Drugs where my only problem that effected me very badly.

    Anyways. Nap time ,, I like to go to sleep early and wake up early.
    Davers likes this.
  16. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    Things Today have been actually very pleasant and great. Granted, I was in a very deep fog and was sleeping for a majority of the day. I absolutely hate being in a state that I have to be pulled away from reality in the way I have been the last several years. First it was Meth and then it was the undesired state that followed the Meth use. It did not teach me anything at all besides the fact that I was unable to even recognize or observe my own health in terms of the reality I was experiencing.

    It was Absolute **** and to expect anything less in the future would be delusional but highly desirable. I do not need any support and I do not need anything at all in my life that will give me anything that I do not want. I need support and help in other areas of life and I have yet to figure that out. I will though

    Maybe I am the kind of person that prefers to navigate through life on my own terms and this is normally perfectly acceptable. The only real thing that I have learned that is I never want to be put into a position where I can hardly work or get out of bed in the morning because I am not capable of being 100 percent. My age is a barrier, My health is a barrier and so is my mental state. I will separate health and mental state for reasons that are known to me and not others but mainly it reflects my indifference of the 2 topics. They are connected but I feel like both work side by side and both are things that should come naturally.

    I need undisrupted sleep and also my perception needs to be exactly how it was in the past. Regardless of what I do I will have some perception that is different than others and this is nothing new for anyone.

    I will not tolerate any situation or event that is going to make me into a person that cannot take care of his own self. So here is my plan.

    If I an get myself into a state like today I will be very hesitant to take anything that makes me feel any less of a person. I honestly believe that I am over medicated and I really need to put myself in the shoes of a person who has to pay very close attention to not only what I do but also every other aspect of life. It will not be confusing once I can manage my own mental health states . I can manage my feelings, Emotions and behaviors just fine. I am aware that there are instances that can cause snap reactions that makes it almost impossible for me to feel like I am in control of myself. This is why I chose not to use any drugs or alcohol

    I do use alcohol on occasions rather frequently but the amounts consumed are very small. It is sedating and it is also something that will end up killing me if I am not careful with the potential addicting side effects. But as a social thing I would rather be apart of something than not be. I can always have a Coke and no one else would notice the difference anyways.

    I like my brain non altered because there are things that I need to take and there are things that I will not take at all. But with the amount of distressing things that have happened I should of been seen and monitored a very long time ago. With how life is, I do not have any time to make anything like that happen so I am doing my best health wise to avoid any conflict with myself and my overall health. It will not be that difficult for a person who has a healthy brain and a healthy way of dealing with things to snap back to normal very quickly.

    Even in a fogged state I know exactly when things are wrong and when I am not feeling right.

    I do not have much to say on the topic and I do know eventually I will be exploring some of the delusional things that I have experienced. This will not change for me and I sure hope I can continue to have days and more times that are more normal like right now. Its almost like being snapped out of a very long very bad dream. Being caught in prison, Or being caught in some very strange paradox where things will never end.

    It never was able to get the best of me though. Maybe at first and maybe a small time at the end but I did not let it rule my life in the way I thought it would.

    I have potential and I am very bitter about this potential being lost or stolen from me. Either as a result of my own actions or as a result of someone's influence. I just cannot behave in a manner that will resemble someone who acts like the rules do not apply. I have to work with people like that and I am sure that people view me as a person who is responsible and capable but I am sure that they noticed a few things also. I am paranoid in the aspect of if someone changes something then that means something is wrong. In my experience this is usually not the case.

    Maybe it is possible that I do not have enough experience and information to decided or get a good glimpse on how things actually work. Maybe it was just my life and now that things are different maybe just maybe I am someone who is completely normal in most aspects but needs to have more situations in their life that will result in positive growth.

    If I was to type this on any other day it would of been different and I honestly believe that My IQ was severely effected and dumbed down but some stupid damaging drug use experience. I would prefer not to even think about it as I am trying very hard to snap my brain back into a state where I am always pondering on what I should do, How I should use my time and how I can become a more productive person.

    I can motivate myself well enough and I do not need anything in my head barking at me...

    Sometimes things are just over with.. Sometimes they last a lifetime. My effect on people has been negative in the past but my overall personality and morals will always be viewed by others as if I am perfectly fine usually . But then again my perception of myself and what others see is something I have came to recognized as being a flawed things that everyone has.

    I would prefer to continue to have these insights grow naturally and not be some dumb **** who cannot even think in terms of others, being a critic of myself and just letting things go their natural course.

    On the plus side I have less anxiety about my health than I have ever had in the past. This was a petrify fear of things that could possibly happen that would make my life horrible and bad. It is still there but I am more accustomed and very acclimated to the worst case scenario situation.

    Hopefully this will post on here.
  17. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    You know when I did not see you post for a few days , I was worried , but IMO these last 3 posts were very positive , & I like to see that 'A-LOT!

    I admire the 'Goals' you seem to have been setting up , & or planning a way out , through or around yr issues.

    I stated this before but I think you are a very smart & good person.

    Also IMO You know yr body and mind better than any Dr, would ( not sayin a Dr can not help ) but you seem to be getting tired of being sick and tired , I got that way & thought to myself (" do something about it or quit bitching" ) , well I been doin better lately & I Pray It lasts , even then I trust God will guide me through.

    Again I admire your more positive posts , so I hope the Good day u had yesterday carries on into today ---Tomorrow ''Forever.

    Take it easy , Davers :cool:
  18. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    I am being violated and unwillingly subjected to a method of torture that is purposely trying to hit on every human nerve and emotion that could be reliant on past experiences or trauma.

    The only difference is, Aside from a very few select incidents in my entire life I can recall and remember everything and every piece of information that I have put out into the world. I was never punched for saying a guy looked like 50 cent. It’s a false story that I just told because I thought it was amusing. I also never dropped a brick on someone’s foot nor did I start a fight in prison in front of 200 people. It was just a rumor that I perpetuated so that others would eventually leave me alone and take me seriously.

    Straying away from those topics I would often parrot stories going all the way back to a post when I was just learning to use the internet. It involves a fire extinguisher and a needless comment about anarchy. All of this was on purpose . It was also parroting or mimicking interests and things that my so called peers would of been interested in at the time. Stupid stuff like dry ice Bombs. Not as sinister as it sounds. Because we had gotten together with nearly half of the male class at the time and did it not only during science class outside in the playground but also at home . Just not that big of a deal right ? Apparently not

    I know what is right and wrong and there is no possible element in my life that deserves any attention or clarification unless I talked about the nature and the non stop unrelenting torment of a voice that will play on every weakness until my spirit is broke . It has costed me both mental pain and physical torment for no real rational reason whatsoever. I can say what I like and I can be whatever I want without any influence from a government/ military project that is inflicting more harm than good. Psychology wise what would I need to talk about or tell anyone that would resolve any past issues that is long since overwith. Addiction ? I am very aware that even that can have 100% supervision and still repear. But it does not.. Why ? It’s probably more my business and my job to figure out. If something is naturally occurring and concerning I usually tell others about it right away but it has made even getting certain amounts of psychological help impossible. I chose to learn and to navigate life on my own terms without dragging anyone else into it.

    This is my choice and even if you can physically cause distress and mental pain it will not satisfy me, someone else or the perpetrators that seem to be so set on bothering me for years on end. What is wrong anyways ?

    If they did not have certain pieces of information or a big incident that was probably egged on or intentional then they would likely not have a reason to continue. It was created not my natural state and this is a barbaric act of making something that just does not exist.

    I have gone my whole life and also my entire existence without being violently attacked or all’s having a violent dream. Yet all I could muster up in my head was hitting someone with a tree branch in the back and then waking away.


    It plays on what I search for, what I have experienced and what intelligence they have gathered. So far all I have dreamed up is a few cartoonish style dreams that look like a fun video game instead of real life. I can hear the voices talking but my mind is doing something entertaining and healthy until they push a little bit to hard and it starts to turn into something that it never resembles in the first place.

    From interests in defunct cults to motorcycle clubs I did everything for my own amusement with no real intentions other than having a story and putting more dynamics and words into conversations. It was pretty much on purpose .

    Drugs where the same way.. It was a means of connecting with everyone. I could say the same stories to almost any person ( minus a few ). It would just add to the quantity of experiences that I had in my life.

    Someone might of taken it out of context but I do not plan on changing. I might avoid drugs , situations that are illegal or immoral or stray away from situations and people using my instincts but I refuse to change my personality or myself . They would have to torment me, hurt me and have an opinion that is narrow.

    Now that I have no real internet history and also limit my contact with drug users and people who might seem sketchy they would be hard pressed to even say anything.
    I can already predict why they want me to discuss certain aspects of my life and it is not important to me because it actually does not matter at all.

    If o broke this down how it is in my actual brain I can cone up with excuses and reasons. You even have a slot and a name for that. But It is me and that will never change. Besides what is the issue anyways ?

    The closest act I could do or thing that might compromise my morals is use drugs or download torrents/ movies. It’s not justified and most of this stuff would of been directly addressed a long time ago.

    They have gone through so much stupid crap that it is beginning to look like even more of a direct torture and harm method than it really is. Nothing in my life is that important or concerning where I need to repeat it .

    I do not need to be fcked with about people’s names because it’s beginning to look like they just could not do this to me in the first place without my reading habits, Which where from inspiration from television. What now ?

    This stuff is so stupid and moot you are trying to cause a psychological problem when does not exist. Perhaps if this ended I would just go back to life .

    But I cannot do that and do not have the time because the only real thing that is important is these torment voices and lasers beams that **** your head up. It’s very painful and it adds to pre existing conditions that ar one time could of been payed attention to.

    Leave me alone because it is causing harm and distracting a person away from reality to the point where it could cause inadvertent death or injury to not only me but another person. All because of a very messed up agenda that is taken out of context as far as what was perceived as “ a person that needed to get hit with a stick for as long as possible”. Punched in the face over and over again. It will go away because it is Human torture that takes away the rights of innocent Americans who would be otherwise happy , healthy and living lives that can make a positive difference , taking no credit for it non the less.

    The human brain does not evolve like this.
  19. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    Just here to wish u a happy and peaceful weekend.

    Good Night EDJ
  20. EndorsesJeans

    EndorsesJeans Community Champion

    [​IMG]

    The flying naked bloody baby likes you .


    Davers likes this.