But my attitude is perfectly fine and I am still alive. I try not to think about how much pain and trauma I am going through but it hardly seems to effect my outlook that much. I doubt I could take very much more of all of this but some things are simply non avoidable. I take very heavy doses of medications and even increase the dose to maximum when I have problems. In the distant or not so distant future it will be hard if not impossible to have a job and resume normal life duties without having someone else in my life take care of me. I am not to worried about this though. On all levels they seem like minor spells and I think it is starting to take a toll on my nervous. System and Subconscious. I refuse to let these symptoms let me get out of control or back into any mindset that would put any obligations on other people. I know what the definition of insanity is and also disturbed. I do not even resemble any of these traits as far as who I am and who I want to be. There is only so much a person can go through in life for so many years before they break. I am not scared to ask for help and talk about it to anyone. I will continue to remain positive and choose not to be rattled.