Brain has been more set and present in reality the last 2 days. I often here a weird sound very similar to strange machinery fluctuating. Aside from this I can recognize the origin and the end of thoughts. How one thought leads to another. This is one of the things that has kept me in a constant state of being out of touch with reality. For a very long time I have just disregarded all thoughts and put my brain in a form of stasis mode. I suppose it has been my way of not dwelling or focusing on zero thoughts at all. It has been my way of keeping paranoia and wandering thinking that leads to anxiety. I suppose I started to recognize this a very long time ago but only recently came to the conclusion last night. It reminds me of how a program or a computer would behave. A certain string of commands that it has to execute in order to get to the end. Luckily I have the ability to subconsciously defend myself from some of the things that would result in an error. This has not been very healthy on my emotional well being. By blocking out all of the processes that I would normally go through allot of my ambitions and healthy thinking pattens have put me into a state of being catatonic or not present.