I am a jump person sometimes when I hear random noises now. Especially is something clicks or makes a unexpected noise. I was never that nervous and it definitely resembles PTSD. Which I had already from being in prison and only added to once I continued/discontinued drug use. I seem to mange it well and suffer only from a few dreams and social anxieties which I need to work on in the future. A continued view of failure and not being able to stand up to my view of how I should be is something that held me back in the past. I have talked to counselors and will make time to see one in the future. I can not think about living with this current disability for the rest of my life. Some people have to and maybe I have to accept it. Eventually when I do see someone it ends up being a conversation that I view as, getting information that I already have. I always assume that they are payed and do not have the time to have any emotional investment into patients. I would prefer to stay out of a loony bin and get help when I actually need it . I needed it long ago and need it now but it does not seem real enough. Now that I am being more careful with choices perhaps I can have the luxury to seek help when I need it or treat myself with good healthy and a happy life. When does a person actually have that luxury ?