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Sobriety for my husband again

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by aimeep80, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    My husband had almost 4 years of sobriety and about a year and a half ago we were at some friends house and they were drinking..he decided that he could have just a beer. Well, most of us who've dealt with addiction know what happens with that. He quit for about a month and then one day this past summer he was out mowing and I looked out and saw him chugging a beer.

    He's currently about a month into being sober and I'm really hoping this is something he will continue. I love him with all my heart and really want him healthy and sober. I'm working on myself and would love to have him start exercising with me and eating right. He will not attend AA meetings though for whatever reason. So..I worry about that but there isn't a thing I can do about it. Sure hoping for the best!
  2. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Wishing your husband all the best. AA is not for everybody but people may be able to suggest an alternative. My husband is also an alcoholic. I hope he is able to stay clean. Keep up posted! We are here for you to support and help you in anyway that we can.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @aimeep80... Your husband may want to consider going to SMART Recovery meetings. They are an alternative to 12-step programs and I know a lot of people who have had great success with the program. You can find out more information on their website. Here's the link: SMART Recovery

    And here's a summary from the website...

    The SMART Recovery 4-Point Program offers tools and techniques for each program point:

    1: Building and Maintaining Motivation
    2: Coping with Urges
    3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors
    4: Living a Balanced Life

    Our Approach
    • Teaches self-empowerment and self-reliance.
    • Provides meetings that are educational, supportive and include open discussions.
    • Encourages individuals to recover from addiction and alcohol abuse and live satisfying lives.
    • Teaches techniques for self-directed change.
    • Supports the scientifically informed use of psychological treatments and legally prescribed psychiatric and addiction medication.
    • Works on substance abuse, alcohol abuse, addiction and drug abuse as complex maladaptive behaviors with possible physiological factors.
    • Evolves as scientific knowledge in addiction recovery evolves.
    • Differs from Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and other 12-step programs.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  4. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    Thank you very much. I hope your husband finds sobriety and sticks with it too. I appreciate the support greatly!
    L_B likes this.
  5. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    Thank you so much for the information. Unfortunately there are no meetings in our area :( I do see there are online meetings though, so I will see if he would like to attend those.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @aimeep80... I hope your husband stays on the right path. You are a wonderful person for supporting him on his journey. Also, keep working on yourself. Self-care is so important! :)
    aimeep80 likes this.
  7. remnant

    remnant Community Champion

    Your husband is showing a fighting spirit based on what you have elaborated on. A long journey begins with a single step. There is always a danger of relapse but rising up immediately after a fall is what matters. In my case, I have even relapsed even after a four month hiatus.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  8. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    Thank you all! I think that it certainly helps to have a support system and he has me and I have him. We support each other. As I've said in my other posts I'm not a drug or alcohol addict but I am a food addict who is in recovery. I'm healing and I feel that he is healing too. It'll take time and perseverance but I know it'll be okay.
  9. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    Relapse is always something that is a concern and I wonder if triggers are generally the cause..such as stress. He has a pretty high stress job but it seems like he performs much better with anything under pressure. It seems like when things are least stressful is when he has craved in the past. Of course this is just from what he has told me. I know for myself, when I'm depressed or anxious I want to reach for food..which I can not do anymore due to my weight loss surgery. I now walk or do anything I can to ignore the craving..and I hope he will find something to curb any cravings that arise as well. I wish you well on your recovery!! I know it's not easy but it is worth it as you know.
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Don't worry, even if he relapses that is not the end of the world. Have that in mind, relapses are very common, and if that does happen please don't make him feel like he is being judged. Just keep on supporting him and motivating him, don't nag him if that happens. Keep a positive attitude and I am sure everything will be just fine :)
  11. rajesh

    rajesh Senior Contributor

    You need to keep him motivated so that he would avoid the relapses. You can show him many succeed stories on the Internet that will keep him motivated. Your husband requires your guide. Just show him the right path. Good Luck.
  12. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Better to really avoid those temptations cause it is easy for some to relapse or fall on the same situation again. I hope that he will be able to be sober and be motivated to keep that for a lifetime and have a healthy lifestyle.
  13. henry

    henry Community Champion

    To me, that's a dangerous situation, because an alcoholic will not be happy drinking just one beer, an alcoholic can only be happy when drunk. So, you can be sure that's what he's aiming at, even if it's little by little. You've got to make him stop now. It works just like when you've quit smoking and then start having just one cigarette every once in a while. In no time, you can be sure you'll be sucking on two packs a day all over again.
  14. ejorman1010

    ejorman1010 Senior Contributor

    It's great that you are so supportive of him. Trying to keep sobriety is always easier when you have someone there supporting you. Relapses are sometimes part of it and you just have to battle through those. Never consider the relapses as a defeat, but instead see those as slight bumps in the road.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @aimeep80... How are things going with your husband??
  16. Deeishere

    Deeishere Active Contributor

    I am hoping for the best for your husband too. To be sober for almost 4 years is great! A lot of people can’t say that but I am glad he made it that far. If he could be around other people who have quit drinking would be a help to show that he is not alone, but I do understand that for some reason that is something he does not want to do. I am glad he has someone like you who is standing by him and encouraging him. I think that’s why he did so well in those 4 years. My dad was an alcoholic (when he was living) but he did quit and lived a very productive life.
  17. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    Well I hope your husband can do this on his own. I really don't doubt that people can break addictions on there own. Breaking addictions on your own isn't easy but can be done. Either way your support will be a great tool in helping him stay sober.
  18. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    He probably won't attend AA because that would involve admitting he had or has a problem, being wrong. Sometimes people are attached to being right or always right. Their mind can't deal with the mistake so by not going he is right in a sense. Doesn't really take from the reality of it but, this is just kind of how it works. It can be hard for some to say "you were right. This is not good for me. I do have problem.". Which is even harder to admit in front of other people. Kind of embarrassing maybe. It also in some ways puts him in a club that most alcoholics don't like. AA is sometimes viewed as being for quitters. Quitters of the drinking club. It's totally ridiculous and full of denial but it seems to be a general characteristic. Like they've quit the fun or something. But whatever.
    The exercise and eating right thing. You are trying to figure out how to get him into it. You've got to give him the bug so to speak. I'm sure you will figure it out.