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Spouse marijuana smoking problem, Help!

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Christy35, Feb 17, 2017.

  1. Christy35

    Christy35 Member

    Hi everyone,

    Just posting to get some advice and help, thanks for reading. :)

    I've been married for 12 years and we have four kids, two girls and two boys. My husbands been smoking pot for as long as I've known him but it's become an issue.

    He was smoking five or more times a day and it seemed like all he did was think about pot.

    He's got mad plenty of times, put his hands on me before, pushed me, spit on me, been verbally abusive.

    He said he doesn't have a problem and doesn't want to quit. But he's always so up and down when smoking.

    One year when he quit for 12 months we got along great.

    He says he will quit for us, stops a few days, then asks if he can smoke just once a week away from the home. When I say no he gets mad again and threatens divorce.

    He says he wants a divorce, doesn't love me, that I'm trying to control him because I don't want him smoking pot. I just want him to quit for the family and I'd rather work things out.

    He's the bread winner, I watch the kids.

    Does anyone have suggestions on how I can keep our family together and get him to stop smoking?

    Thanks in advance!
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Christy35... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing so honestly with us. Loving someone who uses drugs is not at all easy, as you've surely figured out by now.

    It sounds like your husband is definitely dependent on pot. And it sounds like his mood is greatly affected by it. That puts you in a tough situation for sure. You are right to be concerned, especially with four kids in the house. Having a parent who smokes pot or uses other drugs is not a very good environment to raise children in.

    It's tough to tell you what to do, because everyone's situation is a little bit different. The one thing I can tell you, though, is that your husband has to want to quit. It doesn't matter how much you want him to quit. If he doesn't want to stop, you're likely going to end up spinning your wheels.

    The most important thing to remember is this: You have to take care of yourself and your children first and foremost. All of your lives matter and you deserve to be happy and healthy, no matter what your husband is doing.

    There's a really good book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people with substance use disorders and it's full of incredibly helpful information. It will help you communicate better with your husband, give you suggestions on how to motivate him to want to change, and--most importantly--teach you how to take care of yourself while dealing with your husband's issues.

    I talk about that book and some others that might help you in a blog I wrote a while back. Here's the link in case you're interested:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    I am sending you positive vibes and hugs full of hope, my friend. You are not alone. Please reach out anytime you feel the need. We will listen without judgment and help and support you however we can.

    Love and light to you.