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Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Faygo1224, Apr 18, 2016.

  1. Faygo1224

    Faygo1224 Active Contributor

    Hey everyone again. I just wanted to talk about something that has been bothering me for awhile. A guy I was once dating for a while ended up being addicted to heroin in the middle of our relationship. I tried so hard to help him but to no avail. He continued down the path and started stealing from me. In the beginning small things were missing like a few dollars I had somewhere but after awhile he got so desperate that at one point he pawned my entire entertainment and all. I was so angry with him and didn't understand how someone could possibly do something like this.

    After he pawned my things, I stopped talking to him completely and did not answer his calls. Last week Friday, I got a call from the jail here and it was him. He is now in jail for trying to rob a small corner store in our community. He is telling me that he is done with that life and wants to make things better but I know that it is not true. As soon as I let him back him he will begin stealing again to support his habit.

    Does anyone have any advice . I really don't know what to do
  2. Personally, I wouldn't as much try to keep him completely cut off but I'd offer him some support while in jail.. maybe phone calls or letters if the price of the phone bill is kinda high.

    Once he gets out... just watch him and see what he does. I can't tell you to let him in once he's released because it doesn't seem conducive to the boundaries you're trying to establish. Phone calls, text messages, and letters are okay.

    Maybe meet in public during the day for lunch so he'll know he's not your only appointment for the day. Makes him respect his time with you more than he would if you met him at the end of the day.

    But I'd definitely keep my distance and see if he's trying to do right. Then maybe you can help him do right by going to the library and looking for rehab help or job and school searches.

    Just be that positive influence for him. If he doesn't thank you now... he'll definitely thank you later.
  3. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    Well, you can help him from a distance. You don't have to be physically near a person to give them support. Perhaps when he calls you, you can talk to him and give him moral support. But make it clear to him that you are there for him as a friend and nothing more. With the things that has transpired in the past, it is understandable that you keep your distance. And he should earn your trust back first before letting him in to your life again.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    If you feel inclined to stay connected to him, I think keeping your distance is the best thing. Like @Mara said...Help him from afar. But--and I don't want to sound harsh--I think the best thing for you might be to just cut all ties with him. It's okay to say "no," especially if there's a chance that saying "yes" might have an adverse impact on you. That's just my $0.02.
  5. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    If I were you @Faygo1224 I would talk to him and encourage him as best as I could. But I wouldn't try to see him or get him into my life. He would just be a regular contact; probably daily, weekly communication to know I still care about his well being.

    The reason for making him stay physically away is to avoid being drawn to him like before. It would be best to know for sure he is 100 percent clean before making that decision.
  6. remnant

    remnant Community Champion

    You have to be careful because he did not go to jail on a voluntary basis. There is no indication that he has willed to change. Give him a chance to go through the motions in jail. I would not advise you to be judgemental. But follow your gut feelings. I have come to appreciate the fact that the sixth sense doesn't lie. After he leaves the penitentiary, tactfully find out he has reformed before you commit yourself again.
  7. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Thank you for sharing, it's a tough situation to be in. It's best to keep your distance, as he is unlikely to change over time. Try support him by chatting on the phone, if you so feel inclined to. He needs to make a concentrated effort to change, and prove to you that he has, and then only could you consider to take him back. Otherwise, I'm afraid it's a story that will only end in tears.
  8. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    For me personally I'd do the support from a distance or cut all ties, based on what you said. It's really hard, because I think a lot of the time we get into that nurturing, helping mindset and it's hard to say to someone "I want the best for you, but I can't be the one to help you". But it's 100% okay to say that. You have to put yourself first and if someone has done that to you before, it would be unrealistic for them to expect you to trust them again - particularly after this new set of circumstances has arisen.
  9. achexx84

    achexx84 Active Contributor

    I would definitely be supportive for him while he is in jail. If he's in jail, he's MUCH LESS likely to be drug free, although it's no secret that drugs are accessible in jail as well. It's a tough feeling. I would at least talk with him and get a feel for how he is now that he's sober. You should keep your guard up, but try not to set him up for failure before he is given a second chance to make it up to you. People can change, but they need to know that they have support, or it's just not worth it to them, ya know? Good luck, hun. I wish you the best.