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struggling with a love one who is an addict

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Holdingon, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. Holdingon

    Holdingon Member

    Hello...I am in love with an addict who I have lived with on and off for 2 and a half years. He is addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs. In the beginning I was also drinking with him as a way of coping with my own problems, I was already on a dangerous path of drinking before I met him. I have since tried to quit and so has doesnt seem to have as great of a hold on me as it does him. I have been guilty of enabling him to continue his destructive behavior because I didn't want him to leave me. We have made compromises such as he would agree not to drink while I was at work ect. All broken Promises as I have often came home from work finding him drunk or passed out outside and don't able to get him up. I am currently searching for couseling for both of us; however, every day that I'm at work I am so worried he is using. I am quiting my jon because i feel he needs me to be there which i feel is a little rediculos but i am barely holding complicate the situation he has cystic fibrosis and completely neglects his health. I want to support him but many days I just feel hopeless...
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2015
  2. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I am just along to welcome you to the forum Holdingon. It seems to me that you already know what the problem is and what's left to do is get that counselling asap. The longer you delay, the greater the risk of the problem escalating and both of you suffering as a result. If you are in greater control of the situation I would respectfully suggest you act soon and show your support by getting him help.
    Holdingon likes this.
  3. Holdingon

    Holdingon Member

    Thank you soooooo much for respinding. I am trying and searching for help. It has been diffucult....numerous calls and appointments only to find they did not take his insurance ...other places with an 8 month waiting list....he has alot of social anxiety therefore there are only certain programs he will agree to. I also have extreme anxiety which has me a complete mess while I'm at work worrying about what he is doing or if I am going to come home and find him dead or not find him at all!
  4. Jenga

    Jenga Active Contributor

    Hi Holdingon, welcome to the forum! Although he has social anxiety, he might need to overcome that in order to make some progress. For me, my anxiety comes from initially meeting a group. Once I'm there, it calms down a lot. It'd be tough, but maybe if he made a step towards that, he might even be able to overcome his anxiety?
    Holdingon likes this.
  5. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Hi Holdingon welcome to the group. Sorry that you are dealing with all of this. I also live with a man who is addicted to alcohol and I know it is a struggle. I get the enabling too. At the first of our relationship I did that too. I was so scared he would leave me that I put up with way more then I should have. I have come to realize, through the help and support of the great people on this group, that I don't have to live this way. I need to take care of me. I can only do so much for him. He has to want to help himself. My partner also has some serious health issues that he doesn't take care of properly. I know the worry and the frustration that you feel. You need to be in a healthy state of mind to in order to think clearly about all of this. We are here for you. Listen to all the great advice you get because the people on here get it and they do care.
    Holdingon likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Holdingon... I left you a rather lengthy response in the other thread. I hope you can find it and will read it.

    Keeping you and your boyfriend in my thoughts and prayers.
    Holdingon likes this.
  7. Holdingon

    Holdingon Member

    I replied to your other response and very much enjoyed reading it. It's what I NEED to hear...thank you for your prayers...prayers are much needed. He seems to be doing well this week...but we have been down this road before where he stays away from the addictions for a week or two and then goes right back. It's hard to have the faith that this time will be different but I know with prayers and hard work on his part it CAN be different and he can remain sober.
    L_B, dyanmarie25 and deanokat like this.
  8. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    It's really commendable that you're fighting to keep your relationship alive and that you're willing to make sacrifices for the sake of him. But having said that, it's also important that you evaluate your relationship and see where its headed. You need to build on trust as that is the only way you can lay a strong foundation.
    deanokat and Holdingon like this.
  9. Holdingon

    Holdingon Member

  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Holdingon... Feel free to reach out anytime. We are here for you, my friend.
    Holdingon likes this.
  11. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @Holdingon! I am glad to know everything's working well on your end right now. Well, yes, you would definitely face some challenges along the way, but what matters the most is that you both never give up. Be strong and keep the faith. All the best! :)
    deanokat and Holdingon like this.
  12. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Don't quit your job @ Holdingon. It might not make a difference because an addict just doesn't change because you've made a sacrifice for them.

    Addicts are slaves to drugs, remember that.

    Freeing the slave must start first with the addict's willingness to break the yoke. Help him realize he has a problem. It's the first step towards beating an addiction. You say he's tried to fight the addiction before so I suppose getting him to battle the addiction once again won't be too hard.

    This time round you'll need better strategies. Find out what didn't work the last time, change the plan and maybe this time you'll both embrace success = freedom from the addiction.
    Holdingon likes this.
  13. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Glad to hear that this week is a better week. I know how it goes. I have learned to appreciate those weeks or days when he is sober. Today my partner left to go work out of town for the week. When he left he said, "Are you gonna miss me?" My thought was "Yes I will miss the sober you. The person I fell in love with but I am not going to miss the drunken you." Even though I am going to miss having him around I am going to enjoy the peace and quiet and take time to reflex on things in my life.
    deanokat and Holdingon like this.
  14. Holdingon

    Holdingon Member

    I'm sorry that you, me and so many others have to struggle. I hope that you find peace and solutions while he is away...always remembering that we are not alone.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I hope that you will just keep feeling better. There could be support groups that you might discover or encounter along the way in searching for a solution. I also think that better to keep a job so that there will be financial security.
  16. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Holding On, Do you really think quitting your job is the thing to do?? I hate to say this but your friend with a serious disease like cystic fibrosis is not likely to live long anyway. Especially if he is abusing his health. Quitting your job will leave you nothing and no where if he does indeed pass. You can not protect someone from themselves.
  17. SunnySkies

    SunnySkies Active Contributor

    Ouch, that's hard to hear. My sincerest sympathies go towards you. I just wish we could all get along and recovery slowly. I hope you and your partner can find a solution and eventually attain peace.
  18. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    All of us had struggles in life and we cannot avoid it. Like in a relationship with a love one sometimes it is very hard to get along, live and understand our partner. What more if you are in a situation like what you are going through right now maybe it is very hard and you will truly lose hope for yourself and your love one. But like what they said love shows no boundaries and if we really love each other in good and bad times of your life you should never give up and should still hold on to each other. Well just keep on praying and it really works because God helps those who help themselves.
    deanokat likes this.