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Substance identification

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by BittyKitty, Apr 16, 2019.

  1. BittyKitty

    BittyKitty Member

    Hello. Short version, 22yr old son, multiple substance abuses. Supposedly trying to get clean, finding what looks like brown splatter on his bathroom walls lately. Have found spoons, pipes, etc. in his cabinet before. Curious what could cause the splatter?
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @BittyKitty hello and welcome. thanks for reaching out. i'm sorry your son is struggling with using... i know this can be worrisome for you.

    i'm not sure about what drugs he could be using. not my area of expertise... i'm sure others may have an opinion.

    how is your son about talking to you about this?

    keep in mind that there is a support group that can help you if you find yourself going crazy with his behavior (nar-anon) i know worry can consume us if we allow it... and, you'll get to be around other parents who may be in similar circumstances.... just a thought.

    feel free to come here anytime for support.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @BittyKitty... Sounds like it could be heroin. But I could be wrong. Hope some others will weigh in.
  4. BittyKitty

    BittyKitty Member

    Thank you Dominica and deanokat. I do believe it is heroin or some variation. Been to 1 inpatient rehab, kicked out for not participating and 1 out patient. We have not given up on him and he is taking small steps towards recovery. As you know it can be a slow and trying process. Thank you both for the links to your blogs and suggestions.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @BittyKitty yes, it can be a trying process... i always remind myself about my adult children:

    "Their life, their lessons, their timing."

    I want them peaceful and happy NOW! but that doesn't do the trick.

    I pray for your son...that he will get his lessons soon...and truly desire to work on overcoming this addiction and any other issues that are going on.
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  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @BittyKitty... If your son is living with you, you have the right to set some boundaries for him. Like, for example, no drug use in your home. That's a pretty simple boundary that he should follow if he wants to keep living under your roof.

    Also, check out a book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for parents and partners of people struggling with addiction and it's full of incredibly helpful information. I think it might really help you.

    We're always here for you, to help, support, and listen. You are not alone. I have a 29-year-old son who has battled addiction on and off for almost 14 years, so I have a good idea of what you're going through.

    Sending you love, light, and hope.
  7. BittyKitty

    BittyKitty Member

    Thank you so much! I just ordered it via amazon prime! Hopefully there will tips and advice that will help. I've tried to lead by example, kill him with kindness and I'm a big believer in positive reinforcement and support. However, I know that I have been an enabler as well. A quality I cannot stand. I can sit here and say I am not allowing it but the truth is by not doing anything directly, I am indirectly sending a message that he can do what he wants. He is my girlfriend's son. The deal was he move in, we help him get cleaned up and get his feet on the ground. I've tried to be understanding and try to let his mother handle things (as I would do things differently) but after months and after 2 years, all she does is yell at him. No punishment, no consequences. It has caused very big issues between us I find it harder and harder on a daily basis to not say something. I see it as if I want to be with her, I have to allow her to be overly protective of him and basically walk all over us while at the same time burying my values. So in my mind, I am also enabling him. Physically, I could crush him, verbally I could cut him with words, mentally I could set him back. Those are not options to me, I came from that environment and it does not help anything. Ok, done venting and saying "I" so much, it's not about me. It is about finding an effective way to help him. Just beyond frustrated at the many squandered opportunities he's had. He is not an adolescent teenager, he'll be 23 in two months. Thank you all so much for your support and providing advice. Reading through the various threads, there is so much helpful advice and suggestions.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @BittyKitty... Don't beat yourself up too much about the enabling. It's something we've all done. We just have to learn that a lot of the things we do in an effort to help the addict are actually hurting them. It's not an easy lesson, because so often there is a fine line between helping and enabling. We just do the best we can with what we know at the time, learn as we go along, and try to do better.

    I think your situation is tricky due to the fact that it's your girlfriend's son; and because her approach is obviously much different than yours. Have you ever sat down with her and tried to work out the best strategy for dealing with her son's issues? It would be great if you two were on the same page and could work as a team on helping him. I do know one thing for sure: Yelling does NOT help the situation. I learned that from experience. The Beyond Addiction book will tell you that, too. You know, it would probably be a really great idea if you and your partner could both read that book. It might be really eye-opening for her. Just a thought.

    We're here for you. Always. Pop in and lean on us anytime you feel the need, even if it's just to get something off your chest.

    Happy Monday. I hope you have a great week!
  9. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.
    Here's a link,to the free pdf
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