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suffering from his addiction

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by lynzyh28, May 6, 2015.

  1. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    Hi, this is my first time on this sight. I have been in a relationship with a crack addict for 6 years. I love this man very much and when he's blessed with some clean time he is almost perfect. He works hard, pays bills, attends MY children's sporting events, and takes care of my children. The problem is those times are becoming far and in between long binges. He had 30 days clean in March, he worked 12 straight 12 hours days to be able to buy me a diamond ring and matching bracelet. That all ended on April 13 when he went on a 7 day binge. He lost his job, I 302 him and begged for him to go to rehab. He has been home about 3 days since then. He no longer has the option to come home, I dropped his personal belongings off at the crack house and blocked him from calling me phone. I am fighting every urge to go get him and "save" him from himself. I know that nothing will change if I don't change how I react to his addiction but laying her missing my soulmate with my heart almost literally physically pained. It kills me know that I'm going through this pain and he's not feeling the same pain from losing me because he's staying high and not feeling anything at all.
    bogartdelarama likes this.
  2. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    I went through a similar situation for many years. I would try and save my husband and he would have moments of greatness only to fall flat back to using again. He was addicted to crack and then changed to meth. He had all those same great qualities you speak of...but in the end my husband would use excessively, lose job after job, and put our lives in danger. Days and days would go by sometimes without me knowing where he was. Many times he made us hit rock bottom financially. In the end, no matter what I did my husband did not get clean for me. He was arrested and accused of 2 counts of drug distribution which is a very serious felony. Now my husband was an addict but he wasn't the dealer. He got framed for a much larger charge than he should have. It was a lesson he had to learn. We had to spend thousands to get him out of jail and he got a hefty jail sentence. In the end it was the fact that he was arrested that got him clean...

    With ALL of that being said if I were able to go back and give my younger self advice on what to do here is what I would tell myself...

    Run. Don't stay just because you love him and think you can fix him. You cannot fix him. He has a problem and you should not suffer because of it. If you mean as much to him as he means to you he will have to do this on his own and come back to you when he is clean and ready to move on with life. Don't sit around and wait for him. Move on with your life. If his sobriety is meant to be he will come back to you a better person. If he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be in the first place. Be strong for yourself and don't keep letting this person hold you back from the great life you can have.
    pineywood likes this.
  3. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    Where you ever afraid that if you really left him he would die? That's my biggest fear. I haven't slept through a whole night since April 13 except the 4 nights he was home. I'm leaving PA for Florida soon, the nice was originally supposed to be for him to try to get clean. In going without him. I just want to hold him until I have to leave. I'm sick and lost.
  4. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I agree with what has been said. If being with him will just weigh you down with troubles, burdens, and anxiety, then give him an ultimatum to choose between you or his drugs. At least if he chose the latter, then you know where you stand and you will save yourself time from being with him who clearly doesn't value you the same way that you value him.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know what happened.
    One will really suffer or feel pained having an addicted loved one. Addiction can really destroy or totally change a great person. Hope he can get back to his senses again and be clean totally.
    lynzyh28 likes this.
  6. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    Waking away is so much easier said than done. I went and got him last night so I've been up dealing with his night terrors, sweats, and inability to stop moving. All I seem to be doing is praying for him. If anyone can save him God can.
    Last edited: May 7, 2015
  7. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    This is certainly a tough situation to be in. There's no right or wrong call here; there's just your call and no-one else's. You are the one in charge of the decisions that have to be made in your life which means that whatever you do will be the right thing to do according to your judgment. If you believe ignoring him is the right course of action, then so be it.
    lynzyh28 likes this.
  8. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    I don't believe ignoring him is the best thing. At this point he's been here, asleep for about 32 hours. I have a short work schedule today, 3 hours but I feel like he won't be here when I return. I think that I'll just stay available to him when he needs me and hope that next month when we leave state forever he will be ready to come with me and make those important changes. I know that moving is not a complete fix but we live in a high drug area, where he has lived his whole life and it is way to easy for him to get high here. Prayers are always welcome. I hit my knees and beg god to remove this demon everyday.
    imperivm1 likes this.
  9. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I am really surprised that you managed to live or be in a relationship with a crack addict for 6 years, that must have been really painful for you. I think that you should be there for him if he wants to quit, if not, it's already enough pain for you.
    lynzyh28 likes this.
  10. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That's what I thought too. The pain can be really deep especially when she's been living for that long and she should be there for him to support him and love him if he really shows any remorse or guilt or desire to quit, but if not, I don't see a reason why she should take the chance of more pain, it's really difficult but I think she can know the right decision deep down.
    lynzyh28 likes this.
  11. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    Pain don't even begin to to explain. I let him come home 2 nights ago after a 7 day binge, he was still not able to control his body movements this morning, night terrors last night but he's back out there again now. Got home from work to a note that he would call when I got off but 3 hours later no call.
  12. Christian

    Christian Community Organizer Community Listener

    I really feel for you, being in a situation like this is definitely a tough one. It's especially difficult to balance your emotional want/need to aid or help him out with the obvious disfunction that comes form his addiction and protecting you and your children from that chaos. I'm glad you've drawn some initial boundaries in regard to not allowing him around the house and your children. That should be your primary focus and it needs to be again. Your children do not need to be around someone like that. I know it's hard but the only thing you can do is stand firm on your own volition and until he gets some sobriety he is not welcome around you or the family. Not until he truly knows he can't use and just "crash" on the couch will he hopefully seek some sort of different path.
    lynzyh28 likes this.
  13. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Your situation is really one big hurdle. I can imagine how much pain you're feeling knowing that you really want to help him change but he just won't let himself be helped with in the first place. I think it's right that you spend time away from each other for now so you could also figure out if this is the life you want for you and your children.
    lynzyh28 likes this.
  14. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That's really sad. I'm sorry lynzyh28. Have hope you can get through it.
  15. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    I'm really sorry to hear that, are you suspecting the worst - that he's gone out to score? Staying with this guy probably means that there will be several more times like this - wondering where he is when it gets late and he's still not called. Will you be able to function like this, do you think?
  16. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Welcome @lynzyh28! Sigh... I wish there's always an easy answer to every human problem-- without drugs. Do what you think and feel is right for you and your children. You do not need another burden to load your shoulders heavily and wear you off the chance at being strong for your children to meet their needs with your sense of urgency.

    At the same time, he must confine himself in a rehab. Write him letters without fail while he's in confinement.
  17. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    He don't want the help. I blocked his number and won't respond to texts so I just have to keep moving forward.
    momof4blessingz likes this.
  18. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Do what you think is right Lynzyh28, I'm sure you will know what to do.
  19. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    That must have been a difficult decision to make but you've done the right thing as far as your kids are concerned. Best of luck with moving forwards from this.
    lynzyh28 likes this.
  20. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    I wasn't an addict that is in recovery to explain this **** to me. All on all he's done almost a straight 30 day binge. Why do you guys not care about yourself? What is it that causes you to run and run until your body begins to shut itself down. Please please help me understand what makes crack more important than ANYTHING or anyone else in life.