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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Lizel, Feb 20, 2015.

  1. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Yes, one day I really was near to commiting suicide, really really near.
    The only thing that was really holding me back was the fear of pain and the thought of my family and friends.
    I was alone at home and it was a dull morning. I was so desperate about my situation that I went to the kitchen
    and grabbed the sharpest knife. Then I came back to my room and started cutting with the knife, I felt some sort of a
    relief. I calmed down a bit and let go off my emotions. It helped, but for a moment. Later I wanted to slit my wrists...
    I wanted to let go off everything and seek for a better life, but yeah that's really what held me back of doing it. ;/
    I feel much better now, I released that suicide is the easy way out of your situation.
    I appreciate life a little bit more, and in the later future I want to do everything to be happy.
    It's a long journey, but worth discovery. We must remember that we are not alone in this whole world.
    It was very hard for me to motivate myself to start appreciating life because I was just sick of it.
    I founded living as something pointless because nothing was making me enjoy life and everything felt so monotonous,
    so colourless, blank, but guys I'm still here. I try to explore the mysteries of life, and I'm happy that I didn't do that the other day because I would consider myself as a complete loser. This experience changed my outlook on life, it really did. It made me a way stronger person, and I don't worry about worthless "problems" now like I used to do. I try to enjoy every moment of my life. I'm an atheist, so again it was harder for me than for a believing person.
    Well, let my story come to an end. I hope that it will inspire somebody that is struggling like I was, and inspire them to do much to again fully enjoy life. :D
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2015
    rabst and Joseph like this.
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    It's a good thing that you got hold of yourself and didn't complete the action. Suicide never is a solution to anything. Yes it might appear so but your exit would cause a lot of pain to those left behind. I'm sure everyone even when they are at their lowest point know they have someone they know cares for them. This person would be left blaming himself/herself for having not noticed you needed help, etc, etc.

    However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.

    Stephen Hawking

    Yeah, there is always someone or something to live for. You just need to find it.
    Lizel likes this.
  3. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Thanks, for that quote it's very motivating and appears to be true.
    It's important to find something you want to do in life and succeed with it,
    but the success is another winding road.
    Rainman likes this.
  4. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Glad to know that you are now ok without getting any professional help, that just goes to show that people can overcome depression or any suicidal thoughts by just having the right mindset. I hope that right now you are happy and your suicidal thoughts are completely over.
  5. BobPopporro

    BobPopporro Active Contributor

    i feel relieved after i read this, so great to read a stories that will inspire us. Thanks, and keep sharing :)
  6. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    I am so happy for you! Being suicidal is not something many can snap out of alone. Just glad you could get through it without having to seek treatment. I hope you stay successful in your new motivated life :) And regardless of religion, I would never judge you. @Lizel, from one previously suicidal person to another, you are always welcome to PM me.
  7. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Suicides, I do and I don't get the reasons why they murdered them selves. However, I have had family members and friends who had suicided in the past, and the most recent I know of was last week when one of my friend's friend hanged himself. I opinion that people who suicide believe in a or many thoughts he/she see their life has met a dead-end or is valueless, but this is not true and is a self-induced delusion. No man or woman is ever useless, alone, or nothing, ask all the tax collectors this fact ;)

    Thanks for sharing your story Lizel, glad you are still alive and doing well.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2015
  8. rabst

    rabst Active Contributor

    I'm 'suicidal' at times (not 'at risk of killing myself' really, but more just 'not very appreciative of living'). I think the main reason I'm NOT a "suicide risk" is that I've been 'dead' (both the very brief death after my Traumatic Brain-Injury, and the paralysis I had to 'work' my way out of afterward), and the main differences between living and death: you can't DO anything about problems that arise when you're dead.

    Even when I was paralyzed, I could usually at-least CALL ATTENTION to problems that needed solving. When you're dead, you can't even do THAT.

    And one possible problem: Pain. Oh, they say you don't feel any pain when you're dead; but who's to say that you feel anything BUT pain when you're dead (sensation that cannot even be MEASURED by mortal instruments)?
  9. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    I am certain that I speak on behalf of everyone here that we are all extremely happy that you did not commit suicide. Life is too beautiful to be wasted by committing suicide. To anyone struggling with suicide, no matter what you are going through, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I have constantly had the burden of depression hanging over my shoulder, so I completely understand why someone would want to end their life. I was in that dark place at one time. However, I promise you that it is not worth it, nor will it ever be. There is a reason that you are on this planet and if you end your life, you may not ever see your purpose.

    OGRICHBOI Member

    Congratulate yourself on being able to control your thoughts. That takes a lot, and you should be extremely proud of yourself. I have never lost a friend to suicide, but I know enough about it that it hurts many more people than the person who commits thinks. Stay strong!
  11. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Lizel, I am glad you recognized there is colour in this world and even though life might seem dark at times, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. There is still much for you to do in this life. Continue to share your story. It could save lives.
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2015
  12. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It is great to know that you feel better now and not considering suicide as an answer for your problems. :)
    It is also great that you can appreciate life more as I think all of us should do. It is because through appreciating we can learn to live happy.
  13. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I was the same as you, specially during my teenage years. I really got depressed easily; I did self-harm like cutting myself too. Good thing that I have finally pulled myself together.

    Well, I'm glad that you're feeling much better now. I hope that you'll continue living and enjoying life. Your story is truly an inspiration to others. :)
    rabst likes this.
  14. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Yes, and it's really very hard for people to see the bright side of life in such a situation I was in.
    I will continue my story, right know I want to start building my confidence, because my lack of self esteem is very harmful and damaging, it has a very bad impact on my life, and even though I feel a lot better than in the past, I'm not fully happy yet. Happiness is a long journey to achieve, if even fully possible, it should be a goal for every human being.
    As for to gain confidence I am going to try to work out afirmations, and with that changing my wrong beliefs and behavior patterns, so see there's still a long way before me, and it requires a lot of strength from me to motivate myself to change all of this, sometimes I feel like giving up, but then I motivate myself again, and do my best to not fail, but I'm only a person, and I might fail someday, but right now I'm not trying to doubt in my strengths, because everything is worth trying out, isn't it? Think about what you could achieve, motivating enough, huh? :D
  15. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Exactly, but it's very hard to appreciate life, look for me I only released that really a step before death,
    like somebody was there giving me support in my mind and saying that "hey really it's not the way out,
    what will you achieve? you will fail, and how do you know that your problems will end? maybe it's not
    as easy as you think? and have you thought of your family and friends? don't be, so selfish, search for help.
    That was really what made me think again, and until today I do not regret my deicision, but I'm not saying
    that right now I'm a super happy person, because I'm not, and to be honest I've been through, so much in my
    life that I don't think that full happiness is even possible. Although, you should never give up. :)
  16. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Well puberty sucks, it really does..!!
    But it's part of human nature, and every living human needs to go through it. ;/ Life is life, nobody said it's going to be easy to live it out, haha. :D And it's not always easy to "put a smile on your face" and try to lie to yourself that everything is going to be "fine and amazing" when it's totally not. Problems won't solve themselves without your help.
    Glad that you got out of that deep ****..., and how are you doing right now? :)

    It's great that you find it inspiring. :)
  17. jon

    jon Active Contributor

    That,s great that you have found inspiration to leave alone the negative emotions that would want you to harm yourself. I am glad that you have found out that life is worth living.
  18. sazzydan

    sazzydan Active Contributor

    I went through an awful bout of depression a few years ago and know first hand some of the thoughts that must have being going through your head, but I have a great tip for you.

    You mentioned that you cut yourself and felt a relief. This will sound silly at first, but I suggest you try it. When your having these thoughts of cutting and harming yourself, squeeze a handful of ice cubes instead. Not only is this a lot safer to do, it also does not leave scars.

    It is medically proven that it releases the same chemicals in your brain, which is where the feeling of relief came from.
    This is only a method to help anyone with these thoughts, but if your struggling counselling really helps too!

    I am very happy to hear that you realized suicide is not the way to go and am very happy that you are back on track, a big well done!

  19. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    I still do have negative emotions at times, like everybody does, but I have learnt how to cope with them and to not put myself down due to them. Self harming is never a way out, it just leads to an addiction, very hard addicition.
  20. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Thank you for this amazing tip, I found a different way, not cutting and not with the ice, but I will try that ice tip too.
    Different things, work for different people, but thanks. :)