Hey man I'm alone s it gets I lost my fiance three and half years ago.
Let me start over, honestly at the moment I am quite emotional myself, truth is I've been crying like a baby and picked up he phone cause I just wanted to talk to anyone. That's when I saw your reply to my thread. I'm so glad I did and I agree with you 100% with everything you said.
Having said that the reason I'm upset is because I wanted to use so bad. Man I give people good honest advice about drugs and drinks and every reason to not do it, but I still crave that feeling you get when you know that was the hit that did it. That rush or euphoria whatever it is...I know it's not really real life, but once you feel it you can't unfeel it.
I've also been hospitalized more times than I can remember because of drugs and chasing that Dragon.
I've also experienced withdrawals I can't put into words. I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy-and I can be a mean sob, a character flaw that I'm working on.
Knowing all of this why do I still crave that feeling you get when you drink and drug. I've lived the consequences you would think that it would be way for me5run away. Only nother addict can relate to me here.
At his very moment here is my situation,because it is mother's day my son left with his mom. He gets back in exactly 2 hours. Now one reason I have custody of my son is because I live with my parents and they are very blessed to live in a very well off upper class area. Something I could never afford. My neighbor three houses down got rich selling dope, says he doesn't anymore but I know different.
So I'm sitting here sweating just thinking about walking about2 miles down the road to where I used to buy all my heroin and get slammed before my on gets back. The addict in me is saying you can get away with it just get a few adderall while you're there snort em and fight the nods. You can get away with it before your son gets back.
I m praying and crying and shaking and not making any of this up. I'm ashamed of myself but I'm being honest something the high Josh would never be. But I just wish I didn't have to struggle so. I know I'm not gonna do it but its like it's still an option and omg I've only got an hour and a half now and my mind is racing...like I said only an addict can understand how I feel right now. I am due for my evening dose of valium maybe that will help.
I'm gonna keep praying and just wait for my son I just needed to get that off my chest as this is a major battle for me nd I don't open up to anyone very much.
Last edited: May 13, 2018