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Teen "experimentation"

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by LostmySis, Dec 10, 2014.

  1. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    It angers me to think some parents dismiss drug abuse as "teen experimentation" and let it go. I can tell you from experience that my sister is dead today because my mother felt this way. She did not want to "mother" a difficult teen that she knew would resist her. Instead, my mother turned a blind eye, and now my sister is dead.

    Please... Please Please... if your child is involved with drugs.. intervene ASAP!
  2. Charles P.

    Charles P. Community Advocate

    Lostmysis,
    I am so sorry for your loss, and I know that this may be a hard question, but how is your mom dealing with her loss? Is she blaming herself? How old was your sister?

    Charles P.
  3. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. A lot of parents do indeed dismiss experimentation among teens as just a part of growing up, but it's nothing of the sort. Experimentation often leads to dangerous and risky actions that come with plenty of consequences. Even one episode of "experimentation" can lead to injuries and even death, depending upon what's going on. It's not a good situation.
  4. Nate5

    Nate5 Active Contributor

    Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. It's just so hard to be a parent, especially when your children reach their teen years. There is a delicate balance between giving your child enough freedom, and limiting him or her enough so they don't stray down the wrong path. I think that education about the effects and consequences of drugs will prevent this from happening often.
  5. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Sorry to hear about your sister. I don't think dismissing it is the same as allowing it, though. I don't doubt that it is in fact risky to experiment at that age, but I think that's just a reason not to turn a blind eye instead of a reason to simply disallow it.
  6. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    She passed as an adult after a lifetime of drug use. My mother did what she always did when it came to her... she dismissed her death and took no responsibility. She threw me the checkbook and told me to arrange the funeral.

    Once my sis was addicted, there was no going back for her. She would never break free.... so i hope that parents would do their job and protect their kids... nip it in the bud immediately. Now I have to go through the rest of my life without the sister I once had a secret hand shake with. :(
  7. Brady2121

    Brady2121 Active Contributor

    I am sorry about your loss. :( What you're saying is very true. If you know someone is having a problem with an addiction, please intervene.
  8. Charles P.

    Charles P. Community Advocate

    That is horrible, and once again, I am so sorry for your loss. I have it the other way around, kind of. I lost my mother to addiction, when she was only 49. Do you keep in touch with your mother, or is that relationship too damaged from the loss of your sister?
  9. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    I'm sorry for your loss. The sad truth is that not all parents know how to handle these types of situations, they are ill-equipped to deal with something like this, and therefore they put it off, and pretend it's not an issue. I tell parents all the time, this needs to be treated like a life or death situation, because it is. Drugs, and drug culture, are magnets for negative behaviors and bad things happen. It's sad that things can get this far out of hand, but parental education should exist as well.
    notodrugs likes this.
  10. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Sorry for your loss. It's hard if you loose your sibling and i too lost my brother due to drugs.Although we tried to help him out,he was not the one to take advice easily(he was 25) and eventually the drugs got the better of him.I do sympathize with your mom and i encourage you to show her empathy during this difficult time.
  11. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    So sorry for your loss. I do not know your mom's side of the story but she may have done what she thought was best at that moment. Like what Nick W said, not all parents are knowledgeable in handling cases like addiction. Simple as. She may be blaming herself too about what happened. Perhaps, this is a good time for you two to reach out to each other.

    If you and your mom can come together to make other parents and children aware of the disastrous effects of drugs, maybe that can heal you both. You both can make a sense out of her death.
    Nick W. likes this.
  12. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    LostmySis, I thought I'd tell you that I am not in any way shrugging off ignorance of parents about dealing with teens' drug problems. It is not a good excuse to be ignorant especially that it cost the life of your beloved sister or possibly other people's loved ones. Coming together, if you can, for drug awareness and how to deal with it, can make a sense out of her death. It may also pave the way for both of you to heal.

    All the best to you and your mom!
    Nick W. likes this.
  13. terrainna

    terrainna Member

    You are absolutely right! As parents it is our job and duty to intervene at such pivotal times in our children's lives. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that in your heart you can one day completely forgive your mother for her oversight. I am all over my little brother, who's 15 years old. I keep close tabs on him because your adolescent years can either make you or break you!
  14. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about that.
    You are so right that parents should not just ignore their children knowing that they are getting addicted or even just trying an illegal drugs. It is a serious matter and as parents, they should do their best to address the problem the earliest possible and avoid this kind of things to happen in the end.
  15. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    Wow. OP I am very sorry for your loss. My mother often gets on my nerves (and I don't do drugs). She constantly worries about me because I have OCD. Even at the age of 31 she asks me if I am taking my medication. It gets annoying sometimes but I know she does it out of pure love and caring. Very sad to hear this.
  16. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    Yep. While mine was a different case altogether I showed symptoms of OCD early on. Blatant signs. While my mother acknowledged that something was wrong my father refused to believe I have it saying it was nothing and will go away. Even in college when I had a hard time living in the dorms because my OCD revolved around being afraid of germs, my dad accused me of faking when I pleaded to be moved off campus and live alone. They came to visit me and saw my hands with cuts all over them from the frequent hand washing. There used to be cuts all over my fingers and bottom of my palms. Eventually my father realized how bad it was and apologized to me. Both my parents showed nothing but love after that and that played a big role in me defeating OCD for the most part.
    Nick W. likes this.
  17. MissLisa

    MissLisa Member

    Teenagers don't think about the results of their actions until it's too late, or something terrible happens. Even after something terrible happens to people around them, some still don't believe it could happen to them for some reason. I think that it is really a blessing when you have raised a child that listens to you and try to take the advice that is given to them. A lot of children that I have known that abused drugs and alcohol didn't have parental influences that could have mad a difference in their life. I really feel for the children who are out there in the streets without any type of stable home foundation for help in guiding them in the right direction.
  18. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    I think that it's a two part process for parents. First, you have to educate and communicate with your teens. It has to be that way. There are things that they need to know, and there are things that parents need to be ever aware of. Secondly, parents have to be able to say no, and not enable negative behavior, not just with drugs, but with a lot of different things. When you raise your kids with a sense of entitlement, a feeling that they can do no wrong, and a feeling that they are "owed" everything, it's a recipe for disaster.
    AFKATafcar likes this.
  19. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    Absolutely true, Nick W. Entitlement is something that can derail anyone's life, not just kids and teens. If a person thinks they're infallible, then they'll never realize when they're doing something that's harming themselves and those around them. It's far more difficult to reason with someone that feels entitled to something or feels as though they can do whatever they want and face no consequences.
    Nick W. likes this.
  20. NikkiDesrosiers

    NikkiDesrosiers Senior Contributor

    While every child is inevitably curious about drugs, drug use and dependence are definitely not a normal part of child hood. I think parents and authority figures are really failing children these days by not progressively educating children about the consequences and trying to prevent this from being a problem.
    Nick W. likes this.