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Terrified please help

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Josh111187, May 4, 2018.

  1. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Terrified please sombody to tall to. I'm running low on my valium and about to have to skip days and I'm also on subs. Thing is I am addicted to both but I think they are causing my horrible anxiety. I just don't know what to do. I wish I just had somebody to talk to I'm scared and so alone. My story is long so I'm not gonna post it cause idk if anybody's gonna see this but I do need to talk. Thankyou to anybody who responds to this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Josh111187 hey there. i'm sorry you're going through this. are you able to contact a doctor to help you through this? maybe whoever prescribes you these pills? some people find some help going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings; meaning getting off the pills and having some support in doing so.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Josh111187 please tell me at length,explain everything you feel,your fears,worries,absolutely everything please.I post books on everyone's timelines because I feel its necessary and important.I am listening,i will read every word,i will address absolutely everything i can in great length because i care.Please open up you are not alone i am checking every 30 minutes to see what's new,i will be here for you,you are stronger than you know and I believe in you
  4. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Ok. Stdadted q
    At 15 drinking was full blown alcoholic by 18. I got married young but drinking ruined that. Fast forward to a couple years drinking didn't cure me my bad racing thoughts anymore. At this point I was unable to hold down my apartment. So move in w parents and vet off booz. Now I go back out with unresolved issues and discover methadone. Then I find I can do oxytocin 80s and not deal with the freaking clinic everyday. Fast forward another year or so and I'm back w parents on H and the needle. Coming home this time tho I had to seek help and did through sub program where I got hooked on subs and benzos. Benzos prescribed btw and also adderall 4t5mgs day. I ran out that two days ago and can do nothing but sleep and my dreams or so vivid. Sometimes I swear I'm awake but stuck in a dream I don't know how to explain. But that's it in a nutshell. A,d street drug mainline use brought w it all the usual probs. Seems like tho subs harder to kick than H really.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Josh111187 thank you i just woke up from a nap(not rellavent) give me a half hour and i promise insite.Thank you.By the way I admire your courage
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Josh111187 i do hope you can get in touch with a doctor or clinic that may be able to assist you.
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  7. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    I am going to see my doctor on Monday right now just making it through the weekend. I never thought coming off benzodiazepines would cause these horrible effects. It makes me wanna go start drinking again but I'm almost 60 days sober from that. Really don't want to but I fell I cannot take much more. And thank you so much everyone for the support I can't describe how much it helps to just have somebody that cares. Don't get me wrong my family helps me all they can but they cannot understand. So again thanks.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Josh111187 I truly apologize it's taking me so long to respond,i will admit im having a difficult day myself as tomorrow is my 18 year anniversary and my wife went to vegas to party with other's,thats hard enough but my youngest step son is opening up to me as i type this and must be attentive as ive put him through alot,however benzo's are very tough to detox from and your dose is a high one i will be awake most of the night on this site but Stay Strong you can do this benzo detox will mess with you're mind worse than Lsd unfortunately i have experienced it myself but at least half the dose meaning 20 mg's will keep you from hallucinations.I will resond further as soon as i make sure my son is ok.Take care and God Bless
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  9. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    I am sorry that you are going through a rough time yourself. I'm going to bed now and it's a relief to know at least I won't hallucinate as that's wha2 I most feared. From your story I believe you know from experience. Thank you for sharing your time and giving me support. You wouldn't know it from the way I have lived but I do have faith in God and as I pray for myself and everyone on this site know that I am praying that you have peace tomorrow and can give your son exactly what he needs.
    True concern likes this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Those words you ended with mean more to me than I can describe.Stay Strong
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hey, @Josh111187... Let us know how your doing after your doctor's appointment. Coming off of benzos is absolutely horrific. The only way to do it is to taper off gradually. Your doctor should be able to help you do that.
    Davers and Joshstillclean like this.
  12. adayinthelife

    adayinthelife Member

    So... benzodiazepines are just the worst. The physical symptoms of coming off those things kicked my ass!! And the anxiety is unbearable because there is no possible way of knowing what tomorrow will feel like or what tonight will feel like or even the next hour. Stay busy, occupied. Call a help line you can chat with those people forever. It also helped my to try to prepare myself for everything. I researched the **** of addiction and what I was addicted to and minute by minute breakdowns of withdrawals and cravings. Stay busy.
  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Your welcome brother your welcome
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  14. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    im sorry i went through this as well...
    hard to read this honestly- but at least when i talk to someone who is new they can know that i really do understand.
    i believe that thats what i lived through this for- to be able to relate to others.
    honestly, unless you have been here you really cannot (no matter how good your intentions are) understand how this feels. but going on two years later- this is for whoever needs to hear this- i dont even feel like the same person that wrote that.
    i know i did write it, and much more in fact. but my life is better now than it ever was and getting better by the day. my worst day now is like my best day then. its night and day.
    drugs destroy. bottom line.
    Davers and True concern like this.
  15. Davers

    Davers Member

    I feel ya Man , I'm on Xanax & Methadone , over 10 years strait , I want to quit the Done but not the Xanax .
    The Xanax is now acting like the Methadone ie, it still helps but its like a Maintenance thing. It don't help like it did & when I take extra ( It puts me in a worse mood ) ? Go Figure ? ..Guess that's a good thing tho.
    Hang in there & your not alone in this FIGHT.
  16. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Hi @Davers
    The guy that posted that had a rough time of it. I know him well. And he actually got so tired of the constant running low and being dope sick and having to go to the clinic that he put himself through the ringer on his last detox. Actually he flatlined-little over 40 seconds without a heartbeat. Not from an overdose (which is what I thought would have killed him) but from trying so dang hard to get off of it.
    He also had a pretty bad coke addiction. Speed balled many shots of dope and coke. Although oxy was his drug of choice.
    Anyway...this guy took a break from the site for a while after his detox because he was so anxious he needed to not even think about drugs or alcohol...oh yeah, he drank Everclear 190 proof straight from the bottle (it helped with his shakes so he could hit a vein, really dangerous to miss on a heroin and cocaine shot).

    Anyway he met lots of good people who helped him the day he typed the post you just responded to. And good thing they responded. Because he was about an hour or two away from scoring enough fentanyl to load into a shot and he was going to go out the lethal injection route.
    He had his mind made up. But someone reponded, then another, then there was a group of people on his side, in his corner, talking him out of using. Even though they didn't know that he was planning on that being his last shot ever.

    So fast forward two years (almost) and this guy- he's clean and sober.
    He came back to encourage and help others in crisis the way he was. Plus he missed his friends.
    I personally had a very bad drug and alcohol habit. I beat it though. I didn't think I ever would. Not only did I beat it but I got my life back. And I can tell you that what seems impossible to you now-if your heart is in it- will seem like a distant memory after about a year of clean time.
    I know this for a fact.
    Beacuae when I came back on the site I forgot my password and had to create a new account.
    I am josh111187-and I am still clean.
    You can do this my friend.
    And ten years is exactly how long I was DEPENDANT on opiods. Longer for alcohol.
    But my message to everyone like you and I is never give up.
    Its not as dark as it may seem. And there is light at the end of the tunnel.
  17. Davers

    Davers Member

    Dude!
    I truly appreciate your 'perfect IMO' reply.
    Well ? I may tell my story on the only other thread that i'm part of.
    'The other' As I was reading it (still am ) I am trying to predict how it was gonna go.

    I'm 48 & stay waaay N of you , kinda lol.
    I just started my computer / typing in 2013 & have not advanced much , I been typing this for 10 + min.

    I super glad you have defeated your demons "Day to day Bro ". As U know.

    Dang! So much to say I dosed yesterday so i'm a bit hype / with minor nervous shakes .
    Anyhow I know it's goona be a winch to come off the Xanax (When I'm ready), thank goodness I don't abuse it (Def, Dependent tho ) I actually been on it & K-pin off & on since I was 19, constantly since 2003 & it truly helps me , as I have Anxiety , OCD & self medicated with Pot & Booze up till age 32-33 , I only took pills for almost 2 years before I started the clinic , I was at the point of wanting ''H' but did not know where to find it & in my withdrawing state back then + Anxiety ..I did not want to walk the streets of ATL asking & risking a Felony charge. I am blessed that I never used it U know whats really crazy ? I never have seen 'H' in person ever well yesterday I saw some pic's on a guy's phone that was tempting + his guy wanted to move it . NO !!!!!
    I overcame that as 'Dude' did not hang long , he needed to get home cause his nodding was pretty bad.
    Oh well , ill explain my Booze & weed thing I drank from 13 - 33 the booze was 95% of my problem with many Black-outs ( never have B-O on just Xanax alone ), arrests 2 DUI , 2 bad crashes , 4 underage drinking convictions + numerous arrests for booze related stuff , never Domestic V tho , thank goodness . I was on probation from 11 - 33 almost non-stop ' That was good for my anxiety ' LOL.
    In 2000 my Mom's Cancer came back , I started my Pills then , 'She gave me 80% of them & I took some /faked a break-in As Mom was in the Hospital & I figured she would not need them , she did not miss them . + I had a police report , to justify myself man I was a piece of crap then. + much more crap , I finally put the alcohol down in 2002 after blacking out & driving again 1 year after I totaled my Mom's car on the connector , going to Pre-trial downtown , I spent Sat morn - Tuesday morn, thinking I would never see my Mom again ( I just got put on probation in Cobb the month before & thought I'd have a hold.) On that Monday night my Mom about passed then my step-dad sent his Bro the bond me out on that Tuesday morn , that turned out to be ( 9-11-2001) ; it took all day to get me out as the cops had all the streets around the capital closed, that was a crazy day w/o it being 9-11.
    My point ..after that I still Drank & drank and drove many times , it's been 16 years of no spirits as of Sept, 12 2019. I did quit for 2 and a half years before then started back , hence I never say "never again'" but i;m actually scared to drink. TMI maybe but at that time I only drank when I had no Perc's or OC , Roxy was not around then , fwiw.
    This was BM = before methadone & AM = after M-done.
    I can fill you in on the opiates / clinic on the other thread or 1 of my own but I'd like that threads OP to see my post .
    Well I been at this for over an hour ill check out the other thread , but may comment later.
    Stay Well & Strong.
    Davers
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2019
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  18. Davers

    Davers Member

    Thought so . PEACE !!
    Davey
  19. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Davey that post you just quoted is over 2 year's old,so my question is...What do you mean by THOUGHT SO?????
    Davers likes this.
  20. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Moderator Community Listener

    Here is the problem with anti anxiety drugs and all drugs. They are not designed to be taken forever. They were designed to get over a traumatic event. They are a temporary solution that breaks everything else and you must take breaks or go down on them periodically.

    When you take a drug and I've explained this before but for the people who don't know.

    Lets Say xanax mechanism of action is a modulator of our Gaba a receptor we have billions of them in our brains inside of our neurons. That means it enhances our Gaba neurotransmitter which slows down our neuro activity and causes euphoria and relaxation.

    Here lies the problem with this drug and all drugs. Our brain wants balance this is called Homeostasis. So what happens is our brain will start to desensitize and shut down (Internalize) these receptors by recruiting beta arrestins. This happens closest to where the drug is released or crosses the blood brain barrier.

    This is why we build tolerance and must take more of the drug to penetrate deeper into the brain where we have receptors that havnt been touched yet by the drugs effects. This is called allostasis now you only feel normal with the drug in your system it is actually no longer helping you because you are still below your normal levels. Now you have increased anxiety.

    This damage is reversible by stopping the drug or cutting down (reverse tolerance) and our receptors will come back on line in time and will make us more sensitive to the drug again. This is why we have have withdrawl it's a stress response. Its actually a good thing if your wanting to become more sensitive to it. It means your brain and body is healing.

    This is why anti anxiety drugs will actually start to give us anxiety. We may only have 3 billion healthy neurons now instead of 4 billion because the drug decreased them. As you can see they are not meant to be taken long term but Drs dont seem to care or dont understand neuroscience.
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2019