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The Alcoholic Family

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by gracer, Jun 4, 2015.

  1. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    This thread is related to a thread I've posted before about a man who died of liver cancer because of his chronic alcoholism. He has two sons who are also alcoholics and they still seem to be following their father's footsteps even after he died. Their mother is the one who's suffering more right now because she already lost her husband because of alcohol and now she just couldn't contain her two sons from alcohol too.

    The older son who's working as a gardener spends all of his hard-earned money on alcohol and cigarettes. Plus, he has alcoholic buddies who only make things worse.

    The younger son has no permanent work and has been going on and off work as a car wash boy. Unlike the older brother, this particular one couldn't seem to control his alcoholism even while at work. So sometimes he would go to work under the influence of alcohol and it frustrates their mother more.

    Their sister, who's a friend of mine is very open on talking about their family problems with me and she openly shares how worried she is for her mother who absorbs almost every problem they have as a family. I couldn't help but feel for them too because nothing has changed even after their father died.
  2. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sad to know about their family and sadder that such family is not being alone on that situations. There seem to be more families who share the same addiction maybe because they grew up in such setting. Maybe they could ask for help on support groups there to change the situation.
    gracer likes this.
  3. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Wow, I feel for your friend. It's so sad alcoholism is controlling the lives of those two so badly, specially the youngest one. In my mom's former neighborhood there was a man who was always making scenes, he was in love of my oldest sister, I was a brat but I still remember him.

    He didn't bath often and he had a very strong alcoholic smell... he worked sometimes, doing small things here and there, but he was drunk most of the time. Alcohol controled his life completely, back then I didn't think so much of it, but now I do. When I see a homeless person I wonder what kind of vice brought them there...

    I hope that young man can control his alcoholism, otherwise things might end so badly. Poor soul.
    gracer likes this.
  4. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    Sons and daughters of alcoholics have a higher chance of falling victim themselves. Some of this is genetic and some of this is learned.
    It's really sad when a family turns down this devilish path. I pray for that poor mother.
    Sometimes they will use alcohol to help with the pain of a father passing from alcoholism. It doesn't make much sense but it's a common reaction.
    kjonesm1 and gracer like this.
  5. SarahWorksAtHome

    SarahWorksAtHome Community Champion

    I talked to my preteen daughter about this today.
    We were riding down the road and I can't remember what got us on the subject but she was saying that she would never drink or do drugs (and the girl has some strong willpower and a good head on her shoulders so it's a possibility!) so I told her she really shouldn't because with both of her father and I having addiction problems it could predispose her to having issues as well and she did NOT want THAT in her life.
    gracer likes this.
  6. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    You're right @Tremmie . The younger son is worse than the older one because the older son can at least control his alcoholic tendencies when he's at work. The hospital where their father used to worked in offered to give their father's former position to the younger son so he could at least continue on his father's work. He's supposed to start this month as a transport aide in the hospital. The thing is, I don't know if he will still be accepted for the job because when he was scheduled for an interview, he went under the influence of alcohol. Their sister is so frustrated with what he did so their family is no longer expecting the hospital to call him back for the job. Sad. :(

    @SarahWorksAtHome Your daughter is so admirable for having such a mentality. Teens like her are very prone to alcohol and the likes, plus the pressure of peers so I commend her for having a good predisposition in life. Kudos to her! :)
  7. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    It doesn't seem to make sense to me either. My ex is from a long line of alcoholics. Him and his brothers suffered through alcohol fueled beatings and abuse. All three of the brothers claim to hate their father because of it, but all three are struggling through alcoholism themselves. It's a nasty vicious cycle and I'm grateful I have removed myself and my children from that situation.
    gracer likes this.
  8. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    I think it is sad when alcohol addiction runs in the family and, as we see the younger son does need help and everyone in the situation as this will help them to see what it is doing and also how it is ruining their health as well. Sometimes when the children see the parents do alcohol abuse they think it is alright for us as well as our mum and dad are doing it so we can do it too, and it is normal which shows how the family is suffering from alcohol abuse and the thinking is affected too. I think that when a substance starts to take over person then it can be hard to face each day as the mind thinks I need the bottle and without it can't cope and that can mess up the thoughts the brain has and hard to think as well.
    gracer likes this.
  9. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Man, that is terrible! What is this poor man going to do once his mother is gone (because I am supposing she is the one who supports him)? I hope he doesn't hit rock bottom until that happens, he needs to wake up now, but I really think he might need an intervention or something like that. I've met so many folks who have died drinking or smoking... letting that horrible vice consume them :( Poor man!
    gracer likes this.
  10. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    It's really sad how alcoholism tends to run in families. I think a huge part of it is that it is familiar when a parent drinks, it's easier for s child to go that direction as well because it seems normal due to how they saw it all the time. My grandfather drank some alcohol nearly every night and my aunt is the same. I don't think she can relax at the end of the day without it. Even though she doesn't get drunk, she is dependent. I think she learned the hank from her dad, and it has resulted in health problems for both of them.

    I hope these young men realize that they need to stop drinking now so they can have some kind of future.
    gracer likes this.
  11. Sudarsan

    Sudarsan Active Contributor

    When one of the parents is an alcoholic, then there are high chances that their children will be alcoholics too because the genes pass into them. So, it makes it plausible to see many children of alcoholic parents following their parents' footsteps. However, just because you can digest alcohol, it doesn't meant you should go on gulping gallons of alcohol! This is life! Not a stupid joke! Children of alcoholic parents should consider themselves fortunate that they have got an opportunity to learn from their parents' mistakes. Continuing the same mistake their parents did will be an act of foolishness on the part of the children!
    gracer likes this.
  12. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    @Tremmie I was thinking the same way too. The younger son would be so lost once their mother dies. She basically supports the whole family with her meager income. I sometimes can't help but pity the mother because she's left to face all their family problems alone. Good thing the sister does her part to help out their mom.

    @Sudarsan It's true that children have to be thankful that they have the chance to learn from their parent's mistakes and that's what these alcoholic sons should realize. If only they could turn their father's experience as a lesson they should heed and not follow on his footsteps, they would have a brighter and more promising future.
    Sudarsan likes this.
  13. Corzhens

    Corzhens Active Contributor

    My father also died of liver cancer. He is a heavy drinker and normally drinks with friends or associates in his work. Before getting sick, he always tell us that alcohol is an ally of his body because it makes him strong. That's what he thought. And then cancer hit him. His large frame shrank and his stomach bulged. He was almost skin and bones when he passed away in the hospital.

    Only my brothers have inherited his drinking habits, the daughters did not. However, one of my nieces looks like she is getting the habit. She's 30 and drinking is her diversion, stress reliever for pressures in her job, she said.
  14. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I've seen this same situation before, so so many times. Poor woman! Does she support only the youngest son? I can understand the frustration your friend feels, I feel something similar with this person who won't quit smoking :( Seeing how they destroy themselves before your eyes is so tough. Right now I'm clueless as what to do about this person. Today he just said he can't quit... doesn't even try.
  15. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    @Corzhens I guess alcoholics who succumb to liver cancer all have the same classic signs. The father of the guys in this thread precisely had the same symptoms as your father. I'm sorry that he had to die that way.

    @Tremmie She supports him and another daughter who doesn't have a decent job either. The mother is really the one who's having such a hard time with all their family problems. I actually admire her for being so strong and straight-thinking despite all the things she's going through. I think I remember what you're talking about. Addicted people can really be so stubborn and a pain in the head for their loved ones most of the time. But as long as you're there never giving up on him, at least he won't feel alone and down with his addiction. Just believe that someday, in some way he'll be able to quit smoking. :)
  16. Sudarsan

    Sudarsan Active Contributor

    But, on a second thought, I think that parents are to blame too, at least partially. Sometimes the parents have to show their maturity and teach their children in a pragmatic way on the adverse effects of drugs in their lives. Children of alcoholic parents get diverted at times. When they see their parents so mismanaged then they feel extremely stressful, and out of anger they also take drugs. So, parents have to guide their children and set an example out of their lives so that children will get to understand that their parents had to suffer a lot by taking drugs, and they shouldn't repeat the same mistake.
    gracer likes this.
  17. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Thank you :) I believe my mom must have had a hard time with me back when I was using and drinking. I should be more patient and understandinf, but I am not :( He is already coughing a lot and lost his voice for a full day some days ago... I believe those are signs he should stop soon, but he doesn't seem to really want to. I feel like I am just sitting, morbidly watching him adding a tiny bit of poison to everything he eats & drinks... and i know he is killing himself little by little, but I just watch.
  18. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Your present situation must be hard on you because all you could do right now is just to be there for him. He's aware that he's getting sick because of his smoking but he just couldn't separate himself from his stick right now. Sometimes even if illness hits someone who's addicted, it's still not enough for him/her to stop the addiction. I guess the only role you can have right now is be his leaning wall in times when he's low and helpless. Just don't forget yourself while being there for him. Never lose your self-worth while pulling him along the way and never be too hard on yourself either because at the end of the day, it will always be his choice on which way to choose. :)
  19. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Thank you, I will try to do that, but it's so hard. When you love someone you hate to see them consuming themselves like this, but I will try. I obviously can convince him to stop smoking, but am thinking of getting him the patches or the gum. I need to find out what seems to work best for most people :) I'm feeling more optimistic today, thank you :D
    gracer likes this.
  20. bsthebenster

    bsthebenster Community Champion

    Must be hard to grow up to be clean and sober when one of your adult role models was unable to do so. It's too bad really.
    gracer likes this.