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The happy depressive

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by DK01, Feb 16, 2015.

  1. rainbowguard

    rainbowguard Senior Contributor

    Yes, I tend to do that a lot. Projecting happiness is quite easy, which is why people keep saying that smiling is the easiest thing to make you healthy. However, just because projecting happiness is easy, doesn't mean what I project is true. In fact, the sadder or the more worried I am on the inside, the more happiness that I project to prevent people from noticing that I was having a problem. Of course, I also have the intention that my happy face will somehow keep my mind healthy during time of sadness.
  2. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    I have also noticed that whenever people are trying to portray false happiness, they are trying to recreate the happiness that they remember. It may be part of a disguise, but it may also be there way of trying to relive what they once had. If you know that someone is depressed or sad, just be a good friend and be there for them constantly, even if they do not want anyone there. That is what helped me out of my depression and I hope that will help others out of their own self-pity.
  3. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    I think it's instinctive to mask our biggest hurts. If I'm whining about how much my back hurts and how much I haven't managed to get done because of it, it's a normal day and nothing to worry about. If I'm insisting that I'm "FINE" there's probably something really big going wrong. I will "I'm fine" until I end up in the hospital again. It only hurts me because no one can help if they don't know the problem. I think depression often works the same way. Once you get past the vocal obviously upset/sad/gloomy period, the person may have just adjusted to feeling so bad but not be better. That's why so many people are so surprised when someone commits suicide, because they thought the person was recovering when in fact, they had dropped deeper into the abyss.
  4. Kaylaz

    Kaylaz Member

    I had this problem most recently when my mother was diagnosed with liver cancer. Instead of being the person that goes into a sad, angry, lock myself in kinda of depression, I went into a happy, everything is ok depression. I am still kind of in it, fighting it now that we have started treatments, but I definitely still go around with a smile and tell people everything is just fine, we're perfect, etc. Working on it is hard too. Starting not to hide it was the first step for me and now the other family members know what is going on.
  5. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Agreed. The sad part is that most people don't recognize it so they just go along with it without knowing that the person is hurting inside. It's probably why a lot of depressed people eventually turn to suicide because no one around them is knowledgable enough to catch the symptoms.
  6. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    The "I'm fine" thing is what eats me up inside, because deep down I know that he is not fine some days and when I try to bring it up or ask if there is anything he wants to talk about, he goes running into his cave. I just have to kind of wait it out and wait for him to be ready to talk about what is bothering him. Sometimes he never talks about it because he is a very private person.
  7. jon

    jon Active Contributor

    I used to do that. But not anymore. I prefer to be more honest about how I'm feeling. Sometimes, they ask me how I'm feeling, I may say really depressed, if I am.
  8. Femiluv

    Femiluv Active Contributor

    My boyfriend is a happy depressive. I was friends with him for almost 6 months before finding out he was depressed (after we started dating!). I was truly shocked. To everyone else, he’s the most charming, happy, energetic, and outgoing person. That’s so important to remember when thinking about depression. A lot goes on in your head that doesn’t necessarily translate to your face and body language.
  9. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I tried to over project happiness one time when I was truly depressed and crying. It came off as really fake and I was not able to blow off the redness in my face as allergies. It was actually quite embarrassing.
  10. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I have done that too especially when I am in a situation or place that I should not be obviously depressed. Like when we have a reunion and just the night before that I got too depressed because of something personal. I just keep it myself and make myself look like really enjoying seeing them again.
  11. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I agree completely. I don't think that's always the reason for people hiding it though. I'm sure some of them just don't want to ruin the mood for others and for someone who is down all the time it might be easier to just fake it rather than constantly seem like someone who ruins the mood. That's why it is much more important for the people around to be more attentive.
  12. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    They say the aura of our face projects whats going on in our life. When we saw people who are always smiling and happy we are assuming that they had no problems in life. And when we saw people whose face are gloomy and sad we always thought they are going through something in their life. But not all are true with these misconceptions because there are people who are good in pretending what is really going on in their life. Even something is bothering in their minds or they are depressed still they act as if nothing is going wrong with them. Like what had been said in this thread this is true especially in the workplace wherein our boss will tell us do not bring at work whatever problems you had at home. And you must have that smile in your face all the time so that you can pleased the people around in your workplace but which sometimes is not an easy thing to do.
  13. TommyVercetti

    TommyVercetti Community Champion

    We often do this so that we can function properly in the normal everyday world. It's more of a combination of a coping mechanism and a stopgap measure. It helps a little bit, because the world does go on, and we might get left behind if we just remove ourselves from the picture entirely because of our depression.
  14. Sparkster

    Sparkster Community Champion

    I can definitely relate to this and yes, I've done it. Overly so in fact. When I was younger I used to suffer with what could be considered to be 'existential' depression. Instead of feeling miserable and depressed all the time and letting things in life bother me, I became quite silly but humorous and kind of lost the ability to take anything seriously. I just wanted to mess about, be silly and have a laugh but that was just my way of dealing with the depression. I actually think this is a very relevant point - many/most comedians and suchlike actually suffer with depression. Maybe that's why they become comedians?
  15. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    I can't pull it off very well at all - instead I come across as manic, which is even worse. I usually just keep to myself and bury my head in some work with my headphones on to not draw too much attention when I really feeling down about myself or things in general.

    Likewise I can sometimes tell when others are trying to do this, and it makes me nervous for them, because I get the feeling they are on the verge of snapping and having a breakdown. I try not to push any buttons with them if I sense this and just leave them be.
  16. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    We all do that. I think it's a defense mechanism. We can't help it. After all, no one would want to see you depressed, nor would you want to be seen depressed. That is how we end up putting a mask. I don't believe doing this is a bad thing, though. Depression is contagious and if our conscience didn't go through that filtering process, then everyone would be bummed out all the time. No-one would want to live in a world where all people did was frown.
  17. Profit5500

    Profit5500 Senior Contributor

    I felt that Robin Williams did but then again he probably was hiding his depression so people would not notice. I felt that he must have suffered severely since Hollywood would do that to you.
  18. anorexorcist

    anorexorcist Community Champion

    I'm not actually depressed anymore, I feel like numb the most of the time, and I don't know of this is a good or a bad thing anymore. But yes, there are times where I feel really really bad about everything but I have to pretend that everything is fine, because I hate to see people worrying about me.
  19. jmontero31088

    jmontero31088 Member

    I think this is very common. I believe that many times, so of the people that seem the happiest, are actually the most depressed. Many people hide their depression. They are embarrassed about it and do not want people to know, so they mask it with happiness. I am guilty of it. I have done it many times. I think it is easier to make people believe that you are happy, than to deal with the fact that your are depressed. People don't want others to pity them.
  20. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    My OH is one of those who is depressed and tries to hide it most of the time. He will either be way too happy or will try to act cocky as a way to hide it. I am trying to get him in for some counseling right now, but at the moment he is too stubborn to admit that he has a problem. He is one of those who kind of those self sabataging people who does what makes him feel good at the time.