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The Harsh Realities of this Disease

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by OHelloMe, Apr 1, 2016.

  1. OHelloMe

    OHelloMe Active Contributor

    I had an incredibly difficult day. Yesterday was my Cousin's 30th birthday. Thing is while I was there to remember, and celebrate it, and she just isn't. She passed away this past September from a Heroin overdose. We had been estranged for many years and got back in touch around May of last year after not talking or interacting since I was 13. I vaguely remember the last time I saw her when I was 13. She was 16.

    From there I saw her only twice from May - September 2015, but we talked daily. I even tagged her on Facebook the morning she died. She had already been gone, but I just didn't know it yet.

    I'm really struggling with the loss. We had become like siblings you see her brother had died from a diabetes complication 2.5 years ago and my brother had also died from a Heroin Overdose 5.5 years ago. It just felt like I had a sibling again and to have it ripped away so quickly was devastating. I just can't take it. This has been eating me alive inside.
  2. Belovedad

    Belovedad Active Contributor

    Sounds like you have it pretty rough currently. If it's really bothering you, you can try to get counseling from a professional. You should also not give up. No one can replace anyone but don't give up, you might be able to find someone else who you can get close to.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @OHelloMe... Sending you peace and hugs, my friend. I'd like to share this quote from my favorite author with you:

    “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” --Anne Lamott
    WannaBfree likes this.
  4. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Death is a natural part of life, but sadly they have been taken away a bit too soon because of their addiction. I think you should accept the fact that they are gone even if it's hard, and use their cause of death as an inspiration to not follow the same path that they have been on.
  5. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    It is always, always hard to lose somebody you love, or who was in your life, no matter your relationship. I am not especially close to any of my cousins but that does not mean I would want to lose them. Family is family. I think though you could honor her memory by participating in forums like this, and letting people know how using heroin is a major tragedy for all involved.
  6. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I'm so sorry that you're having to grieve the loss of a loved one instead of having them around to celebrate with you. I think your love and support of her would be something she would have cherished. Hopefully as time goes on, the pain will be replaced with memories of the good times you spent together.

    I always find that when loved ones pass, particularly if it's as a result of some sort of illness, it helps me grieve and heal by donating to causes that relate to them. For instance when a loved one died of cancer, I made a point to make a donation to a national cancer research foundation on the anniversary of their passing each year. Maybe something like that could be therapeutic for you.

    Sending hugs and love <3
  7. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I am so sorry for your loss. There's no easy way out of pain but to go through it until it hurts no more. So please hold on. Though it may seem unbearable at present, your pain will gradually heal. Since it's too late to turn back the hands of time, the best you can do is cherish your happy memories with both your brother and cousin. You were able to see their real heart - the good person they were sans the heroin addiction. Should another person close to you suffer the same predicament, do your best to help that person turn away from heroin so that what happened to your brother and cousin won't be repeated.

    All the best to you!
  8. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    @OHelloMe I am so sorry for your losses! Two close to you overdosing is very hard to imagine. I send a virtual hug to you.

    You have come to a great place for support. Unfortunately many of us have also lost friends and family to heroin overdose. Please keep posting anytime you feel you need a listening ear. We are here for you!
  9. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    I am very sorry for your losses. It is difficult to mourn the loss of one loved one, let alone multiple loved ones. I believe that when people pass from this life, we will see them again on the other side. While their bodies are no longer with us, their souls still remain. Perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that you can still pray for your loved ones, even though they have passed from this life, and there is a chance you may see them again.

    While I am sure you've already heard it said that 'Time heals all things,' and sometimes it feels impossible that you will feel better, as time goes on it becomes easier to remember all of the great memories shared with loved ones, rather than the negative circumstances of their death. Hopefully this will be the case for you as time passes. It does not mean that you have to forget about that person, it means that you can joyfully remember the great things about them and still live your life in peace.
  10. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about it and hope that you are doing better day after day. So hard to loss someone especially if you least expect it but as it was said, life goes on. Remembering them could make you feel sad but happy as well cause they have been part of your life.
  11. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion


    I cannot imagine the pain you're going through... You just have lost so many important people in your life. But hey, at least you were able to be with them even in a short while. Take their memories with you and keep it in your heart. You have that to hold on to. But you still need to move on and get on with your life... That's really the reality of things. Some people leave us, permanently, and we cannot stop them. The least we could do is live our life and show them that we are thankful that at least they were a part of it.

    I know it can be hard to move on especially if it seems like everyone is going away... But you know what, they're not gone per se, their physical body may be gone but their memories are still with you. You can still talk to them like before and even though they won't answer, you know they are still with you. Build other relationships as well to help you in this difficult time of your life.

    Take care of yourself and remember, we're always here for you...:)
    deanokat likes this.
  12. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. This drug is like a disease, that's why people have to be aware of the devastating effects it has on people. losing so many of your loved ones at once is tragic. Bringing awareness about the dangers of Heroin is a good way to channel the pain of your losses and help others.
  13. OHelloMe

    OHelloMe Active Contributor

    kgord likes this.
  14. Belovedad

    Belovedad Active Contributor

    No problem. We are here for you and I hope you keep us updated on the situation.
  15. OHelloMe

    OHelloMe Active Contributor

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Really. It's been super hard. Life is hard. It isn't easy. After going through this, I learned that this type of pain doesn't go away. Time doesn't heal wounds instead, it gives you an opportunity to grow. It's always as painful as the day it happened. However, now I have better ways of coping with the pain and am able to at least be functional. Even with the emotional burden.
  16. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Well give it time. It has only been a few months, so of course the pain is still fresh. With each passing year the pain slowly subsides, bit by bit. Until it comes to the point where it doesn't hurt anymore.
  17. SashaS

    SashaS Community Champion

    Sorry for your losses and I can understand how that can be so devastating. As long as you are still able to acknowledge the fact that there is still a life for your after the death of a loved one and that you can still do everything you want to do and strive to achieve. You can still wake up every morning knowing that there is something you can do to make the most of your day and put a smile on your face and the faces of those around you. Death is an inevitable part of every single persons life, its not a matter of if but simply a matter of when. Sometimes us humans find that difficult to comprehend.

    Just keep living life to its full potential and don't grieve too much on the past when the future can be as bright as you make it.
  18. OHelloMe

    OHelloMe Active Contributor

    @SashaS I really appreciate it. These sorts of things aren't easy in the least. I'm too young to be this familiar with death. Taking it moment by moment helps though.
  19. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    You are right, no one deserves to be surrounded with death the way you are. This should encourage you to stay strong, value life and hope for a better life for your other family members.

    You did not choose this life but it chose you and you need to live it courageously. Feel free to mourn and grieve but do not bottle up your thoughts. If these events are haunting you greatly then I think you need to speak to someone professionally.

    Time will heal you @OHelloMe
  20. OHelloMe

    OHelloMe Active Contributor

    @darkrebelchild I've done a lot of grief therapy. I even went to a residential dual diagnosis clinic for 6 months directly following my brothers death. This was before I ended up becoming physically ill or any drug use. They had an intensive grief program there - so that's where I went. I was allowed to opt out of the drug track with them since I literally never exhibited that kind of behavior at that point in time.

    Currently, I do see a psychologist at the moment. She specializes in addiction issues and pain related therapy as well as family therapy. I also have a psychiatrist who has been on my case for over 10 years. I just happen to be sentimental so dates, times, and momentums are important to me. I kinda allot a week for each important date to allow myself to let the emotion flow. Then outside of that week, If it comes up or I'm reminded about it I'll gently put it out of my mind. If it returns, again I'll take a deep breath, acknowledge it and let it pass.