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The Heroin User & Loyalty ?

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Friendtofriend, Sep 20, 2015.

  1. I'm not a user but my girl friend is.
    I was thinking this morning about my girl. I have always had this question , Why does my girlfriend continue to be friends with who she says is her best friend. Her friend has cost me and my girl a lot of problems. It has went as far has her ratting out my girl on things she has not even done to get me mad at my girl and break us up and then she try to take her place with me.
    It never went anywhere and me and my girl would stay together and she would be mad at her but not send her down the road. I could never figure that out or get an answer from my girlfriend.
    Now that I know the design of the drug to the user and what love ones go though, I ask myself this question this morning. Is there any loyalty from the user of heroin? My answer is yes and a 1/2. There is no question that the user is loyal to the drug because their mind and body tell them they have too because of the pain that would be coming it they was not loyal to it for sure.
    Here comes the half... Knowing what I know now is that my girl friend was also loyal to her best friend for reasons that had to be greater. Ask yourself why would someone want to stay friends with someone that try very hard to take from you as in me the boyfriend. All the sudden it hit me. She is staying loyal to her for one reason. When one don't have the drug the other will and they both don't want to hurt, it's an insurance thing if you will right? Now if it was a material thing or money on the table there would be no trust between the 2.
    So my question here is what is your opinion. I think this question would have to be answered by someone that has or is using the drug. I would be thankful for some input.
  2. singingintherain

    singingintherain Community Champion

    It does sound like it's a possibility your girlfriend is sticking by this friend due to her addiction. It's not something that any of us could say for certain, only your girlfriend - if she were to admit it.

    It sounds like you might be having a few problems with the relationship either way though? Whether she is sticking by this friend because of the drugs, or because she chooses to, does that change how you feel about it? Has she ever mentioned an interest in stopping using?
  3. JayLyn

    JayLyn Active Contributor

    I think that you are absolutely right. I've never been a heroin user but I've known a few and all of them describe a relationship of the type you are. A boyfriend of mine told me about his best friend of many years. When one of them would screw up and go to jail the other would hold down the fort, and vice a versa. It was very much a take care of you thing. It could even be that the other girl in this situation tried to get you guys to break up because she is afraid that you will talk your girlfriend out of their relationship. And yes, another heroin addicted friend of mine told me of the strange kind of alliance among heroin users. It is not as present as it was a number of years ago and I do believe that rather than it being a community thing it is more a one on one where one covers another's back. I've seen it with other drugs too. I think it is a deeply ingrained cultural trait. Drug use is a culture unto itself. Welcome to a glimpse of it. Very astute thinking on your part.
    singingintherain likes this.
  4. singingintherain

    singingintherain Community Champion

    @JayLyn I think that's a really accurate statement - that it is a drug culture thing. It makes it difficult for those on the periphery of it as they are not within the 'culture' itself so to speak.

    I hope things improve for you both soon!
  5. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    She's probably too young to get it. Some people take a while to figure things out. They are out of it, They just are not paying attention. Completely oblivious and asleep, literally. No excuse just the way it works.
  6. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Your girlfriend may have developed a sort of "dependency" on her friend. Such dependency has consumed her, along with the drugs they're taking together. Maybe during the time she badly needed someone, that friend was the only one who came to her "rescue." That's why whatever that friend does, she'd follow. As her boyfriend, one of the best things you can do is let her loved ones know so that you can all devise a plan and intervene before it's too late for her. Of course, certain risks are involved but I think it's better than letting her hang on to that friend and in the process destroy herself.
  7. brookeemily

    brookeemily Active Contributor

    It's really interesting to see what addiction will do to someone's loyalty. Something very similar is going on with a friend of mine. He continues to be loyal to bad people and he sticks around bad situations, which are really damaging. I hope that both of our situations get better.
  8. hanno

    hanno Member

    I was a heavy daily user for 2+ years, and think I can offer some insight.

    Every heroin addict that I have known (including myself) had some pretty serious underlying issues that they were coping with. A lot of us have underlying mental health issues, abuse histories, difficult families, etc. It sounds like your girlfriend may be hanging on to this unhealthy relationship because she has issues with codependency. In my past, I accepted terrible behavior from others because I believed that as an addict, I didn't deserve better treatment.
  9. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    She is either too young to know that kind of friendships need to go, I know because I was young like her not so long ago. That odd loyalty or desire to keep that girl around might also be because the drug, your girlfriend is not exactly in her right mind right now. She obviously needs helps, and until she does that she might not be in her right mind. I hope she manages to stay clean soon.
  10. sillylucy

    sillylucy Community Champion

    It sounds like they are both enabling each other and justifying their actions with each other. It is time to split those two apart. Try to get your girlfriend into treatment and tell her friend to seek treatment too.